Old boss called co-worker, and told him some negative things about me.

[Anonymous]

I was at a job where I believe that I was unfairly treated. I got a very heavy work load, and many complaints from clients because I was not able to hold my own. Most of my coworkers were very nasty, and aggressive, cut throats. Basically, I do not have the confidence to defend myself, and tend to be "the victim", a thing that has gone on since middle school. I excel academically, but that is it. I eventually had to leave, I did manage to get a few people to write very nice letters on my behalf.
I was excited because I thought I would get a fresh, unbiased start somewhere else. I plunged in and worked hard, and impressed my new employers.
One day, a former boss at my old job called my new place asking for work. He was surprised to find me working there, and doing very well. Perhaps jealous. He had been fired from the old job (an easy thing to happen there). He later called a co-worker of mine (on the new job) and told him in a somewhat patronizing way that I was unfairly treated at my old job. That I was basically abused and exploited. He said that he knew that there was a positive side to me and I just needed the right environment.
Here is my question. Why would someone do that? It seems to me that you would do that if you were trying to get them into trouble, which did happen. The new folks started to look at me differently, I might have missed a promotion as a result. It seemed like they thought I was hiding something when I applied. I was not fired form the first job, just left because I would have eventually been fired. I will be at a conference where I might meet the old boss, and part of me wants to ask him to stop telling people that patronizing sappy story, which only hurts. However, if he is trying to hurt me, he will see that it works and do it more.
WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Basically your new workplace now thinks you might have a problem being assertive and confident. So BE assertive and confident. Smile, make eye-contact, stand up straight, speak up, and be the best you can be at your job.

And ignore passive-aggressive info like your old boss let slip, unless your new boss raises the issue directly with you, which I highly doubt. You would be seen as defensive and vulnerable if you responded to that kind of thing. Your bad experiences will haunt you only if you let them. Be strong!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Basically your new workplace now thinks you might have a problem being assertive and confident. So BE assertive and confident. Smile, make eye-contact, stand up straight, speak up, and be the best you can be at your job.

And ignore passive-aggressive info like your old boss let slip, unless your new boss raises the issue directly with you, which I highly doubt. You would be seen as defensive and vulnerable if you responded to that kind of thing. Your bad experiences will haunt you only if you let them. Be strong!

That was terribly unprofessional of the old boss - and not very cool of the coworker to repeat it. Who told you? The coworker? And the coworker TOLD you he/she repeated it to the bosses?

If the opportunity to address it with the new co comes up, I would chuckle and say, "old boss does tend to be a bit dramatic. It is true that I was very unhappy there and am much, much happier here."

Otherwise I would ignore it and let it go. Not to mention, now you won't put a good word in for the old boss to come work with you, so he/she will hopefully get what they deserve.

[Anonymous]

i would invite old boss to coffee and ask WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i would invite old boss to coffee and ask WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

[Anonymous]

Did you work at McKinsey? I'm having flashbacks.

[Anonymous]

i don't get why you're upset -- it sounds like he was praising you and happy that you'd gotten a fresh start.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I would advise against making any kind of deal out of this. My experience is that no matter how such a situation is approached, you wind up appearing defensive or like you're getting caught up in a drama, which is never a good thing in a professional environment. By simply ignoring it and continuing with your good work performance you demonstrate that the former boss's comments lack substance and are mere petty rumor. Seriously, I have never seen anyone win by trying to defend themself against this type of nonsense, which is how you should treat it -- as nonsense. And try not to let this situation get to you, albeit I know that can be hard. But let's be honest, we've all had co-workers share similar types of gossip with us and, when push comes to shove, we all recognize that the co-worker is fueling the fire in a way that might be temporarily entertaining, but leaves them looking immature if the object of the gossip maintains his or her professional composure. I have never experienced a co-worker losing respect because they behaved professionally and refused to engage in office drama. I have, however, seen co-workers lose respect because they participated in office drama, even if they were rightfully defending themselves. By ignoring it, you just make it a non-issue, which is what you want it to be.

[Anonymous]

I completely agree with 12:58. Good work and a good attitude speak for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for 12:58's approach.

[Anonymous]

What did this guy say that was so bad? I just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the OP has a touch of paranoia to me.

[Anonymous]

Actions speak louder than words. Continue conducting yourself in a professional manner and doing your job well. Your co-workers will further question your old boss' intentions and see his conduct as unprofessional.

[Anonymous]

I know of someone in my industry who trash talks me. She can do it all she wants, she just looks to be the fool because my work speaks for itself. I'm not worried about her or anyone else.

OP-I think you are not giving off an aura of confidence. I also think you are a bit paranoid because of your own insecurity. I think you need to actively speak to yourself in a positive manner and try to carry yourself with confidence. It sounds goofy, but daily affirmations telling yourself that you are strong, hardworking, and confident can actually eventually make you believe it. This is half the battle. I'm often told I'm "intimidating". The fact is, that I'm not, but I intentiionally give off a presence, so that no one will challenge me and learn what a puch over mush I actually am. It is all about perception. If they really knew how sensitive I am and how much I actually want to be liked, I'd be DOA, as my role as a Director of Operations requires me to be a hard nose. If you walk into a room and command respect, you've just won 80% of the battle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Basically your new workplace now thinks you might have a problem being assertive and confident. So BE assertive and confident. Smile, make eye-contact, stand up straight, speak up, and be the best you can be at your job.

And ignore passive-aggressive info like your old boss let slip, unless your new boss raises the issue directly with you, which I highly doubt. You would be seen as defensive and vulnerable if you responded to that kind of thing. Your bad experiences will haunt you only if you let them. Be strong!

That was terribly unprofessional of the old boss - and not very cool of the coworker to repeat it. Who told you? The coworker? And the coworker TOLD you he/she repeated it to the bosses?

If the opportunity to address it with the new co comes up, I would chuckle and say, "old boss does tend to be a bit dramatic. It is true that I was very unhappy there and am much, much happier here."

Otherwise I would ignore it and let it go. Not to mention, now you won't put a good word in for the old boss to come work with you, so he/she will hopefully get what they deserve.

The co-worker told me in detail.