Awkward friendship rant

[Anonymous]

So I am a new mom in a new city and trying to make friends.

One of my neighbors is also a new mom and we started taking walks in the morning to get coffee. This is great, I like this. She's a bit awkward but the walking and having the kids kind of smooths everything out.

She clearly wants to take our relationship to the next level and is inviting us over to hang out in the afternoon and without kids entirely.

I wouldn't be completely opposed to this but i feel like she will not leave me alone. She texts me everyday trying to fit into my schedule. I have been kind of unexpectedly tied up with family a lot so have had legitimate excuses but the fact that I am constantly having to fend her off is stressing me out. I have had so many family obligations recently that honestly when I have some free time I want to sit in my sofa alone (I don't want to talk to ANYONE during naptime). It's also like every time I mention something like 'Oh larla needs a new dress ' she's like 'I have five come over and look '. Which is nice but she does it all the time and I keep saying no. And texts me all the time like we're all day texting friends all of a sudden.

I am the kind of person that can seem extroverted when out with people but is actually pretty introverted. I feel like in this burgeoning friendship period I have to step up but blah.

I think she's coming on too strong because she's lonely and wants adult friends. Is there a less hurtful way to say essentially, I like you but we're not bff yet please let this develop naturally. Also I'm an introvert who will irrationally start to resent you if you pressure me constantly.

Adult friend making us so hard :-/

[Anonymous]

Don't be so available on your phone. Forget to text back. Let hours pass between contacts. Maybe she'll get a hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't be so available on your phone. Forget to text back. Let hours pass between contacts. Maybe she'll get a hint.

I've done that!!! She keeps it up. I keep telling my husband that if she were a dude I would be dumping her for being a creeper but she's my neighbor so breaking up would be hard to do

[Anonymous]

Just tell her you're sorry but you're very booked up with family obligations right now. If you want to see her pick a specific date to get together- like a month or two from now. Some people just like to have a specific date/time for things and she may not bug you so much once you have something set in stone.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter if we have plans she wants to fill up the days in between. We had a walk planned today and went out to happy hour on Saturday and still got pressure on the walk to

1) come over this afternoon
2) meet at a local park tis afternoon
3) sign up for a mommy and me class that is a commitment through December
4) do Halloween together with our kids

It's just too much

[Anonymous]

At some point you are going to have to say "I'm not a big texter" even if you are. Pick a couple things a week and commit. Act like you are busy and planning in advance. She will adapt her impression of you to be someone she can't expect to be texting all the time who needs to plan a week in advance. She doesn't have to like it but 'this is what works for me'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter if we have plans she wants to fill up the days in between. We had a walk planned today and went out to happy hour on Saturday and still got pressure on the walk to

1) come over this afternoon
2) meet at a local park tis afternoon
3) sign up for a mommy and me class that is a commitment through December
4) do Halloween together with our kids

It's just too much

It sounds like you may need to stop your morning walks until she understands that you don't want to be that close.

[Anonymous]

But you are trying to make friends, her style is just off-putting?

It's hard to make mom friends, period. I imagine if you are also at the point of transitioning from working to being at home with a baby you are feeling even more isolated.

Do you otherwise like the woman? Having a mom friend next door with kids the same age who wants to walk and do happy hours sounds pretty good to me.

But you are entitled to sit on your couch alone too....just don't answer or schedule when you don't want to do things? If she asks you to do 5 things, agree to the one you want, and then just show up for it, no need to respond to 50 texts in between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter if we have plans she wants to fill up the days in between. We had a walk planned today and went out to happy hour on Saturday and still got pressure on the walk to

1) come over this afternoon
2) meet at a local park tis afternoon
3) sign up for a mommy and me class that is a commitment through December
4) do Halloween together with our kids

It's just too much

I'm an extrovert and this seems intense to me.

[Anonymous]

Just keep politely declining and only accept the invitations that you truly are up for. She will just have to adjust and accept. You're doing nothing wrong so shouldn't feel guilty. Eventually she'll get it and adjust her expectations, or if she is unhappy with your level of availability, she'll gradually drift away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But you are trying to make friends, her style is just off-putting?

It's hard to make mom friends, period. I imagine if you are also at the point of transitioning from working to being at home with a baby you are feeling even more isolated.

Do you otherwise like the woman? Having a mom friend next door with kids the same age who wants to walk and do happy hours sounds pretty good to me.

But you are entitled to sit on your couch alone too....just don't answer or schedule when you don't want to do things? If she asks you to do 5 things, agree to the one you want, and then just show up for it, no need to respond to 50 texts in between.

This is why I'm trying. I do want mom friends and it is hard and this is convenient. I otherwise think she's alright, a little intense but she's nice enough.

I'm just worried she's going to get offended if I keep her at arm's length but everyone is right, that's probably what I need to do.

[Anonymous]

Watch Catastrophe. Season 2.

[Anonymous]

Be more blunt about needing downtime and don't get into text conversations with her unless you really want to. I've been on the other side of a somewhat similar situation. I wasn't nearly as intense as your neighbor sounds, but acted too eager in wanting to get together with a neighborhood acquaintance as a brand new SAHM. What ended up being really hard for me was that the other mom seemed to really want to be friends and texted me quite a bit (I'm actually not much of a texter) and was always suggesting other get-togethers when she turned down invites so I didn't get the hint that she wasn't looking for a close friend. And then it hurt when she sent a mean-girl text like "can't believe you haven't realized yet that I don't like you and am trying to avoid you" and then ghosted me. So just say "no" if things are too much vs. "I'm so bummed I can't, please ask me again soon!!!" if you don't really mean it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be more blunt about needing downtime and don't get into text conversations with her unless you really want to. I've been on the other side of a somewhat similar situation. I wasn't nearly as intense as your neighbor sounds, but acted too eager in wanting to get together with a neighborhood acquaintance as a brand new SAHM. What ended up being really hard for me was that the other mom seemed to really want to be friends and texted me quite a bit (I'm actually not much of a texter) and was always suggesting other get-togethers when she turned down invites so I didn't get the hint that she wasn't looking for a close friend. And then it hurt when she sent a mean-girl text like "can't believe you haven't realized yet that I don't like you and am trying to avoid you" and then ghosted me. So just say "no" if things are too much vs. "I'm so bummed I can't, please ask me again soon!!!" if you don't really mean it.

I think the thing is that I am interested in a close friendship, I just need it to develop more naturally.

But I would never ever send a text as mean as that jeez.

I really think this woman is just really lonely but I can't force friendship feelings. This is much more like dating than I was expecting :-/

[Anonymous]

It takes two to move things along quickly, so just take it slow! Don't respond to a text for hours if you don't want, even until the end of the day or the next day. Or tell her 'Larla is down for a nap and I'm going to snooze too, I'll talk to you tomorrow!" I had a friend like that, she lived a few blocks away but she wanted to text and call and get together every day. I just took things at my own pace, and 5 years later we are still good friends. She still texts me a lot more than I text her, but I really do cherish the friendship and our kids are close too. We get together now much less that our oldests are in K (we moved about 15 mins away when they were toddlers) but still try to see each other maybe once a month. It sounds like she is just really super eager and extroverted, but if you get along well, just keep moving slow. There is nothing wrong with telling her you're too tired to hang out!