How do you tell your parents they are not welcome for so long?

[Anonymous]

My parents want to stay for 3 weeks in Oct. I'm having serious anxiety about it. They can't a afford hotel or anything. But they are very hard to have around especially that long. I want to tell them to come for just a week but it'll start a huge fight. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

Live with them for 3 weeks, like you did for 18 years.

[Anonymous]

Why is it going to start a fight? Are they emotionally manipulative?

Anyway, it seems you will have some unpleasantness no matter what. Which is better, to have the fight now? Or to suffer for 3 weeks? Fighting on the phone seems way better to me than having houseguests that make you miserable for so long.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Only a jackass would be oblivious to the fact that having guests is stressful, regardless of how much you love them. Just let them know as nicely as possible that you can only handle a week. If they get upset then it's their problem, frankly.

[Anonymous]

It depends on everyone's expectations. Can you wake up earlier than your parents, and be out of the door by the time they wake up, or do they expect to be served breakfast? Have them sightsee during the week by themselves, and meet only for dinner? Go grocery shopping on weekends by yourself to "save them the trouble"?
If you really can't stand three weeks, it's better to have the awful row now because they'll know how to plan future visits (after they start talking to you again). Otherwise the three week visits will continue!

[Anonymous]

Do what I do - have an uncomfortable place for them to sleep. I sometimes feel bad that my in-laws have to sleep on the sofa bed in the basement with the bathroom upstairs, but I know that it keeps their visits short!

[Anonymous]

OP, it will start a huge fight but it may be that it's worth it in the long run. If you can hold your ground on length of visits, they'll be mad for awhile but maybe your relationship will get better because you will be able to stand having them around.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Tell them that such-and-such dates are bad for you, but that you'd be happy to have them from Oct. X-Z. Don't get sucked into a discussion about what you have going on.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. "We'd love to have you from X to X. The other dates are bad. But, we plan on visiting you later this fall." Do NOT get into a negotiation or discussion about why or what you're doing.