Kids called DS a weirdo

[Anonymous]

DS was riding a special adaptive bike on the way to the park. I was biking behind him. Two kids from his school came up behind us, swerved around him and yelled "what's up weirdo?" I kind of instinctively barked "hey" at them and then followed up with "that's not a kind word to call someone." They seemed sort of shocked (maybe that I said anything at all?) and rode off. DS has autism and is generally oblivious to social stuff so he didn't seem to care but of course it really bothered me. I see these kids with their parents on the way to school. Would you say something? My instinct is to let it go since I realize I'm more upset than DS and I don't know what would really be accomplished by talking to the parents. Plus the rational part of me realizes kids call each other names all the time and the only reason I'm as upset as I am is because DS does stand out from other kids and it hurts to see them call him out. Thoughts DCUM?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry this happened, OP. If this is the first time you've heard them say something, I wouldn't say anything to the parents yet. If it happens again, then I'd say something.

[Anonymous]

You already DID say something. You want to beat the horse?

[Anonymous]

Ugh. Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

I would have a calmly and tactfully stated conversation with the parents, so they can have a talk with their kids about differences, compassion for others etc.
No anger or blaming just one parent to another to clue them in.

[Anonymous]

Sorry that happened. I think your reaction was fine. My DD (neurotypical, but "quirky", one could say), told me that lots of kids call her weird. But she said that was fine because it just meant she was interesting. (Not sure I'm buying her comfort level with it, but did let it go.) All that to say, I think kids bandy the word around a lot at this age, and it's fine to correct it, but it may not bother your DS as much as it bothers you. In a quiet moment, you might explore with him how he felt about that moment.

[Anonymous]

You are nicer than I am. I would have put a hex on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You already DID say something. You want to beat the horse?

This is almost as unkind as what the kids said but worse because you know better.

OP, you did the correct thing in the moment. Most kids are decent and once they have been told that their words were not kind, they probably won't do it again. My DS has autism and has many, many behavior management adaptive tools. He also wouldn't necessarily seem to notice if someone made fun of him but it seems to me that he notices at some level. He's not very verbal but will sometimes echo back what someone has called him. Not necessarily because he knows its hurtful but just absorbs the words. I'd check in with your DS gently about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You already DID say something. You want to beat the horse?

Who are you?

Yes, OP you did the right thing at the time. Yes, these kids will probably keep saying mean comments to your kid and others.

I doubt if saying anything to the parents will change the snotty behavior. Doesn't make the kids bad and they're not necessarily copying their parents, but there's zero reason for them to care or change their behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You already DID say something. You want to beat the horse?

Who are you?

Yes, OP you did the right thing at the time. Yes, these kids will probably keep saying mean comments to your kid and others.

I doubt if saying anything to the parents will change the snotty behavior. Doesn't make the kids bad and they're not necessarily copying their parents, but there's zero reason for them to care or change their behavior.

I disagree. I don't know how old these kids are but they may just not yet get it. A few years ago when I was picking up my younger son from preschool I saw two 4th grade boys mock a 2nd grader behind his back. I knew the 2nd grader had autism, and he was talking to himself and waving his fingers in front of his face. The older boys were whispering "Psycho!" and laughing. One of them was the son of my son's preschool teacher. I told her exactly what I saw and also that I thought the boys were making fun of something they didn't understand not realizing the boy was disabled. I am 100% sure she had a behavior-changing talk with her son that night. I also got to know the older boy years later when he became my older son's friend. Really, really nice kid. I cannot imagine this older and wiser version of him mocking a person with disabilities.

So, nice kids say dumb things. And nice kids will try to do better the next time if told. If there is a way for you to say something to the parents without any of the kids present I would try that, and also try presenting it in a benefit of a doubt way "He called my son weirdo and it bothered me because my son has autism. Perhaps your son doesn't know that and has questions about why my son seems different sometimes." Or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP! Keep an eye on it, if you see it again, say something.

[Anonymous]

What you said was great, OP. I don't know if I would have reacted fast enough.

[Anonymous]

I would tell the parents. There is a chance they can change their sons' behavior and I'd take that chance for my son's sake.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids involved? If you don't know the parents or don't feel comfortable approaching them, you could talk to the school counselor about discussing difference and kindness with the whole class/grade.

[Anonymous]

As a parent, if my child did that I would want to know. That is a horrible way to behave but I can see how it can come from ignorance. I would want to be given the benefit of the doubt and be told so that I could talk to my child to make sure this doesn't happen again.