It's not even 7am yet and already it's been a rough day!

[Anonymous]

DS started Middle School and has to wake up at 5:45 to be out the door at 6:30. He has no sense of time or organization and I have to stay on him for EVERY little thing. It's exhausting! At these times, my mind goes to a dark place and I truly worry for his future. I see other kids his age who are becoming so mature and responsible, and he's not even close. I wish I could send him back to elementary school and do it all over again.

[Anonymous]

He'll get it eventually. You're modeling good behavior for him. Hang in there! Hugs!

[Anonymous]

I remember those days. My now high schooler is completely independent. I never thought I'd see the day.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP.

My dark moment was yesterday. My ADHD middle schooler with fine motor issues messed up a really easy map assignment. We had to find a similar map on the internet and print it out so that he could do it over. With his slow processing speed, it took him until 11pm. Him with the extra sleep needs! Ugh.

When that happens I have trouble sleeping at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He'll get it eventually. You're modeling good behavior for him. Hang in there! Hugs!

Thanks for this! I worry that I'm becoming a "helicopter" mom, but if I don't stay on top of him, he wouldn't get out the door in the morning. Then, the negative thinking spirals to him flunking out of school, not being able to hold a job, becoming homeless someday ... I know it could be much worse and he's come a very LONG way since being diagnosed with autism in preschool, but the differences between him and "typical" kids is there. Some years it seems like he's catching up, and then the bar gets raised on social/behavioral expectations. He's definitely maturing, but at a slower pace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He'll get it eventually. You're modeling good behavior for him. Hang in there! Hugs!

Thanks for this! I worry that I'm becoming a "helicopter" mom, but if I don't stay on top of him, he wouldn't get out the door in the morning. Then, the negative thinking spirals to him flunking out of school, not being able to hold a job, becoming homeless someday ... I know it could be much worse and he's come a very LONG way since being diagnosed with autism in preschool, but the differences between him and "typical" kids is there. Some years it seems like he's catching up, and then the bar gets raised on social/behavioral expectations. He's definitely maturing, but at a slower pace.

Hugs OP, been there and done that. Please think about getting some help for your anxiety- you have some catastrophic thinking going on (I have it too so I know it well!) and therapy has been a lifesaver for me in terms of dealing with it.

[Anonymous]

OP -

Simply as much as possible and make a list that can. e checked off each evening / morning.

PM -

Books and papers in backpack.
Backpack by door.
Shirt, socks, underwear/pants for tomorrow on top of dresser.
Brush teeth

AM
Shower
Brush teeth
Comb Hair

etc

You may want to allocate a time to each so he can see if he's on track. Put a clock in bedroom and bathroom

When he is drifting, direct focus back to list.

Even with this, it may take a couple years for it to become habit.

My DC is finally waking independently and ready to go early. It has taken 4 years but it's a beautiful thing.

Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -

Simply as much as possible and make a list that can. e checked off each evening / morning.

PM -

Books and papers in backpack.
Backpack by door.
Shirt, socks, underwear/pants for tomorrow on top of dresser.
Brush teeth

AM
Shower
Brush teeth
Comb Hair

etc

You may want to allocate a time to each so he can see if he's on track. Put a clock in bedroom and bathroom

When he is drifting, direct focus back to list.

Even with this, it may take a couple years for it to become habit.

My DC is finally waking independently and ready to go early. It has taken 4 years but it's a beautiful thing.

Hang in there.

Direct focus back to list..... this, times 1 million. Works for 3 and 4 year olds, too, by the way, just need pictures instead of sentences. Seriously, make the list be the boss, the list be the bad guy, not you.

Not that this will be a magic bullet, but it might ease some of this!

[Anonymous]

OP, I haven't BTDT ... just have a kid with ASD and ADHD where middle school is right around the corner, so I've been thinking about this. I've heard others who've had some success with hiring an organizational coach to learn how to build in ways to do things a better way. Kind of like how I learned to be super, super committed to my calendar and use it so I don't have to remember what I'm supposed to do, when (since I won't).

Also, is there anything built into his IEP about learning organization skills at school? I was surprised but last night DS started telling me about how he's using an organizational notebook and taking notes in math class. Color me shocked, but super impressed that they are starting these skills in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

I would encourage you to get a hold of your thoughts, stay in today otherwise you will overwhelm, depress, or stress yourself out. Continue to do what you are doing. He may need to get up just a little bit earlier to give him time to wake up and get himself together. If he is diagnosed with ADHD then he may have a whole lot of thoughts going through his mind at one time (think about the energizer bunny). His mind may keep going, and going, and going. Do you have anything in place to motivate him to be more responsible? And are there any consequences when he doesn't get out of the door on time?

[Anonymous]

Sorry! That's brutally early.

We do the evening set up described above. It really helps. She has to make lunch immediately after dinner before anything fun. Plus, I make DD pick all of her outfits on Sunday afternoon so we only have wardrobe struggles once a week. I miss having uniforms.

If it's any comfort, many kids without SN are a hot mess in MS. Even kids who were organized and prompt in ES. There's simply a lot more for them to organize. It's one reason why I try to make my teaching as paperless as possible. My older DD had a teacher who required a two inch binder to hold 180 days of classwork. It was a sh*tshow for a kid with both ADHD and anxiety.

[Anonymous]

To echo the PP, I have a middle schooler who is NT but requires nonstop prodding in the morning before school. Their teenage brains are not well situated for organized thought in the pre-dawn hours.