To ask coworker how infertility treatments are going?

[Anonymous]

A coworker just confided she's doing IVF. We talked for a few minutes about it, but now I'm not sure whether to ask her how it's going. With anything else I'd say it would be the polite thing since she shared with me already, but I don't want to overstep and/or even know what to ask. Should I just wait for her to mention it again? If not, what's a polite way I could ask how it's going/how she's doing?

[Anonymous]

I'm a private person by nature so would never have confided in a work friend that I was going through treatment, but if I had, i think i would just like someone to ask me how i was doing.

IVF is a rollercoaster of ups and downs... but leaving it open ended would let her take the lead on how much she wants to share. the downs especially are hard to talk about.

[Anonymous]

Next time you are alone, ask her an open-ended: "How are things going?" Don't ask specific to IVF, but leave the door open in case she wants to discuss it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time you are alone, ask her an open-ended: "How are things going?" Don't ask specific to IVF, but leave the door open in case she wants to discuss it.

This. Do not ask her specifically about her treatments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time you are alone, ask her an open-ended: "How are things going?" Don't ask specific to IVF, but leave the door open in case she wants to discuss it.

+1. I confided in a coworker (whom I really like and trust) at what I'd call a weak moment in one of my cycles when we were discussing a variety of other personal issues. It's really not something I want to make an ongoing conversation of at work, though, and if I really did want to talk about it I'd be the one to bring it up. Mostly I just feel stupid for mentioning it because really it was TMI, so I'd rather just exchange the usual pleasantries. It's nice of you to be so thoughtful about this, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next time you are alone, ask her an open-ended: "How are things going?" Don't ask specific to IVF, but leave the door open in case she wants to discuss it.

+1. I confided in a coworker (whom I really like and trust) at what I'd call a weak moment in one of my cycles when we were discussing a variety of other personal issues. It's really not something I want to make an ongoing conversation of at work, though, and if I really did want to talk about it I'd be the one to bring it up. Mostly I just feel stupid for mentioning it because really it was TMI, so I'd rather just exchange the usual pleasantries. It's nice of you to be so thoughtful about this, OP.

+2

[Anonymous]

I would not ask unless she brings it up. If it's going well, you'll know in a few months when she announces a pregnancy... if it's not, then she's probably feeling despair/heartbroken to some degree and doesn't want to discuss it with a coworker.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, all. I'll wait for her to bring it up again. I hope she's not cringing internally every time she thinks of the conversation, but at least I can help not make it any more potentially awkward for her.

[Anonymous]

I told a friend from work at a weak moment over drinks and later she said "I'm never going to ask about infertility treatments again but just know you can come by anytime to vent." That was helpful and made it less awkward but I also think the approach the other PPs suggested would work too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told a friend from work at a weak moment over drinks and later she said "I'm never going to ask about infertility treatments again but just know you can come by anytime to vent." That was helpful and made it less awkward but I also think the approach the other PPs suggested would work too.

I think something along this line is appropriate. It opens it up for her to say something if she wants to. I also think saying "I know infertility treatments are a roller coaster and hope you are doing well. I don't want to pry but hope you are doing well."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told a friend from work at a weak moment over drinks and later she said "I'm never going to ask about infertility treatments again but just know you can come by anytime to vent." That was helpful and made it less awkward but I also think the approach the other PPs suggested would work too.

This is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told a friend from work at a weak moment over drinks and later she said "I'm never going to ask about infertility treatments again but just know you can come by anytime to vent." That was helpful and made it less awkward but I also think the approach the other PPs suggested would work too.

This is perfect.

Actually, I think this is a bit much. As we all know it's pointless to vent to someone who is not immediate family or a close friend. You don't want having these conversations with colleagues, and unless the person mentions IVF again, I would not make that over the top dramatic statement "I am never going to ask..." just don't ask. period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told a friend from work at a weak moment over drinks and later she said "I'm never going to ask about infertility treatments again but just know you can come by anytime to vent." That was helpful and made it less awkward but I also think the approach the other PPs suggested would work too.

This is perfect.

Actually, I think this is a bit much. As we all know it's pointless to vent to someone who is not immediate family or a close friend. You don't want having these conversations with colleagues, and unless the person mentions IVF again, I would not make that over the top dramatic statement "I am never going to ask..." just don't ask. period.

Eh, I vent to people at work that I like sometimes. And OP doesn't have to say "I'm never going to ask.." She could start with, "I won't ask for updates, but know that you can vent to me if you need to."