tips for emotional health of 7 yr old with dyslexia/dysgraphia

[Anonymous]

Tomorrow is the start of school and my DS has gone from the happiest kid around to moody. He loves school but knows he can't read and write like his friends. The school will start reading pull-out this year and he has a 504 in place.

How do I talk to him about his challenges?
There are a million links on the internet; do you have a favorite?

What do you tell your kids? I find it a little heart breaking.

[Anonymous]

What is your child good at? Sports, music, drama, service projects? Help them find something they love that they can pursue and feel good about -- even things like running 5Ks where they have to train and can see progress will help.

Also it wasn't your question but I worry about a child with dyslexia and dysgraphia with just a 504. He may need more intensive supports either in or out of school.

[Anonymous]

We went with everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

We tried to give our DC other outlets for excellence. It worked. DC became a leader in several niches.

We tried to let our DC know that strengths and weaknesses can change.

We read to DC A LOT so DC could talk about the books the others were reading.

DC's third grade teacher was a miracle worker. Find that teacher/tutor.

We encouraged DC to read books as DC's efforts started to bare fruit about 3.5 years after their peers.

We went to the library every weekend. We minimized screen time and read to DC so even after DC could read, DC could talk about the harder books everyone else was reading.

We made sure DC had physical outlets so it was easier to read for pleasure. DC spent countless hours reading and rereading books.

DC continues to improve each year. DC's college test scores are a mix of near perfect reading and 6th grade grammar skills.

It is hard to predict but DC seems on track to attend UMd.

Good luck

[Anonymous]

Ditto to the other PPs. For my son (who was diagnosed in 2nd grade) audiobooks were a lifesaver. He was able to listen to the same books his peers were reading, and it allowed him to feel a part of their discussions.

We talked a lot about the fact that he learned DIFFERENTLY didn't mean he wasn't as smart as others. We talked about types of intelligences and the things he was good at. We gave examples from ourselves, areas were were stronger or weaker in.

We never sugar-coated it for him, we acknowledged that it was really hard to be in school when he felt like others could do things he couldn't, but that he could do hard things and he was getting the support he need to learn the way that was best for his brain.

(FWIW, it was a long road but he was reading on grade level by the end of 4th grade! He still struggles with writing and organizing his thoughts, but it's a crazy, amazing difference from where he was. He's a total bookworm now!)

[Anonymous]

13:37 again--also, because my kiddo's reading struggles were impacting his self-esteem so much (leading to work avoidance/refusal, negative statements about himself, etc) we made sure that social and emotional goals were included on his IEP and that he had weekly visits with the school counselor. He's in 5th now and was just talking to me about the counselor "Ms. X is so cool. I love when I get to go see her!" It hurt me so much to see him struggle academically and emotionally, I knew I wasn't the best person to help him work through his feelings about it, and the school counselor was a God send. I think Ms. X is pretty damn cool too!

[Anonymous]

Our dyslexic 3rd grader struggles with not being "good enough" academically. We've listened to audiobooks about other children who struggle - not to trivialize his struggles but to show that he isn't alone. He hates the idea that it's just him.

We've listened to Percy Jackson, who has dyslexia and ADHD. He liked Wonder and the associated Wonder stories. He also likes single person survival stories like Hatchet which demonstrate children overcoming huge obstacles.

We have him in sports that complement his natural abilities. Team sports are a disaster for him because he doesn't know left/right, before/after, things in a sequence. Other activities such as rock climbing, the trapeze school, kickboxing, running, swimming, and ice skating are all a much better fit for him.

It's hard and will be an ongoing process.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, the best thing you can do for your child's self-esteem is to make sure he is getting frequent weekly instruction in a program geared specifically toward the needs of dyslexic kids. That means something that has explicit and repetitive phonic instruction -- Wilson, Orton-Gillingham, RAVE-O, etc.

IME, public school systems are largely unprepared to provide such instruction with the 1-1 or small group ratio necessary frequently enough and with enough reinforcement in the general classroom. So, what naturally happens is that a kid is getting "special" instruction, which is not actually effective instruction, and they come to believe that they are can't learn to read and thus are stupid.

This happened to my DS. We knew in K that he was likely to have problems given his language disorder and family history of dyslexia. It was clear in first grade that he wasn't learning to read and by 2nd grade he was already down on himself because he couldn't do what other kids could easily do. We had been fighting for an IEP since K, and finally got one at the beginning of 3rd grade, but no appropriate instruction was ever provided, just more prompts from the teacher and more intense delivery of mainstream reading approaches.

We pulled our DC from public school at the end of 3rd grade and placed him in a SN school specializing in language learning disabilities like dyslexia and dysgraphia. Within a year, his reading improved dramatically.

THAT was what protected his self-esteem -- the hard evidence that when provided with a different kind of instruction, he could, in fact, learn. His self-esteem sky-rocketed, even though he reading still wasn't fast and easy for him.

In retrospect, I dearly wish I hadn't listened to or waited on the public school, which clearly had no expertise in teaching dyslexics. Intense intervention in 1st and 2nd grade, would have avoided a ripple effect in his learning (or lack thereof) and would have avoided the damage to his self-esteem which had to be repaired.

DC knows he is smart and that sometimes he needs a different explanation or instruction or accommodation, but that he is fully capable of learning at a high level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, the best thing you can do for your child's self-esteem is to make sure he is getting frequent weekly instruction in a program geared specifically toward the needs of dyslexic kids. That means something that has explicit and repetitive phonic instruction -- Wilson, Orton-Gillingham, RAVE-O, etc.

IME, public school systems are largely unprepared to provide such instruction with the 1-1 or small group ratio necessary frequently enough and with enough reinforcement in the general classroom. So, what naturally happens is that a kid is getting "special" instruction, which is not actually effective instruction, and they come to believe that they are can't learn to read and thus are stupid.

This happened to my DS. We knew in K that he was likely to have problems given his language disorder and family history of dyslexia. It was clear in first grade that he wasn't learning to read and by 2nd grade he was already down on himself because he couldn't do what other kids could easily do. We had been fighting for an IEP since K, and finally got one at the beginning of 3rd grade, but no appropriate instruction was ever provided, just more prompts from the teacher and more intense delivery of mainstream reading approaches.

We pulled our DC from public school at the end of 3rd grade and placed him in a SN school specializing in language learning disabilities like dyslexia and dysgraphia. Within a year, his reading improved dramatically.

THAT was what protected his self-esteem -- the hard evidence that when provided with a different kind of instruction, he could, in fact, learn. His self-esteem sky-rocketed, even though he reading still wasn't fast and easy for him.

In retrospect, I dearly wish I hadn't listened to or waited on the public school, which clearly had no expertise in teaching dyslexics. Intense intervention in 1st and 2nd grade, would have avoided a ripple effect in his learning (or lack thereof) and would have avoided the damage to his self-esteem which had to be repaired.

DC knows he is smart and that sometimes he needs a different explanation or instruction or accommodation, but that he is fully capable of learning at a high level.

I'm not OP but I 100% agree with the above. However, we can't afford the crazy high private school tuition and it infuriates me that this is the only realistic option that works from year to year. I can't even go into details of our IEP and associated "services" because it's so useless that I will suffer yet another spike in blood pressure. We're having to get by on twice a week private tutors and that's not enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not OP but I 100% agree with the above. However, we can't afford the crazy high private school tuition and it infuriates me that this is the only realistic option that works from year to year. I can't even go into details of our IEP and associated "services" because it's so useless that I will suffer yet another spike in blood pressure. We're having to get by on twice a week private tutors and that's not enough.

Fortunately, our child was diagnosed at the end of K. We received no support from our parish school or our public school. However, we invested in private tutoring twice per week with a person certified in Wilson Reading Program. It was expensive, but the best option for her. I agree with the above suggestions, especially on audiobooks. Learning Ally is a great resource. As your child advances in school, make sure that he/she has a 504 plan or IEP with specific accommodations using ATS even if it entails bringing your own device.

[Anonymous]

Our DS is in intensive language arts instruction after school ... reading, writing, and spelling using structured literacy. It costs almost half of a private school tuition (so between that and daycare, oy!) I agree with PP that the biggest difference has been explaining to DS that it's just how his brain is wired. It's not bad, just different, and means he needs to learn reading in a different way. Then with the tutoring he's able to see results. He's gone from "I can't read" to having a personal goal of reading on grade level.

The downside is he follows a full school day with an hour of tutoring. It's really stressful for him. We have some downtime in the car to/from where he can choose to play Pokemon Go, listen to an audiobook, or talk and he really loves his tutor, but it's still really hard on all of us.

[Anonymous]

Above is some really great advice about how to help you DC learn to read / write.

With respect to the emotional /confidence issues, I shared with my DS when he was diagnosed (at 6 1/2) exactly what was going on in his brain. I showed him the pictures of the brains from Sally Shaywitz's book, in particular the part about how well the front part of his brain (the problem solving part) worked. He'll tell anyone he has "d-lexia" (as he pronounces it) and tells them that it means he needs to learn differently. I think he kind of likes the part about being special. He told me that he couldn't wait to go to college b/c by then he'd be able to read like the others, but that he'd always have the better problem solving skills. His sister has some hearing loss and wears hearing aids, so like it's harder for her to hear, it's harder for him to read. Everyone's different.

[Anonymous]

This a great Ted Talk by a girl who is severely dyslexic. It's all about doing what you do best. My DD has dyslexia and we really pursue everything she loves to do. We really support her in those things to make her feel successful. Her school is also very supportive. Her counselor pulls her out from time to time to counsel her and let her know it's not about her grades, it's about her effort. Honestly, her counselor is the one who has done the most to boost her self esteem.

https://youtu.be/ugFIHHom1NU

[Anonymous]

Our dyslexic daughter stumbled upon a sport she liked and we really encouraged her to pursue. It was a good move and it's really helped her.

I'm worried that you only have a 504, I question if your child will get the resources they need at school.

We had an IEP and I will have to say we had very positive experiences the first few years with FCPS. I will say this is not as true in the last 18 months, but initially it was wonderful and they did great things for our daughter.

Even though she's made great strides academically she still struggles with feeling inferior to her peers.

Good luck -- I hope you can find an activity which engages your child and allows them to shine.

[Anonymous]

Thank you. This is OP. I realize I"m in danger of "outing" myself here but our back to school night was recent and yes, a 504 is not enough. I am not sure the teacher has read it and the accommodations have not been made in the first two weeks of school.

We are going to request an IEP meeting based on what we've found. Luckily for us, our son's handwriting is so...very bad, and spelling almost non-existent, that we should be able to get a meeting for that.

Not sure if we can "back door" dyslexia but we are going to try.

Husband ready to pull child and place in private. I really feel like fighting the system though.

There are many parents in this school system with high-school kids. THey rightly started the fight and I feel compelled to carry that torch but why, oh why is it taking DECADES?

Sorry ladies and gentlemen I"m pissed now; 6 months after dx and school doing almost nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. This is OP. I realize I"m in danger of "outing" myself here but our back to school night was recent and yes, a 504 is not enough. I am not sure the teacher has read it and the accommodations have not been made in the first two weeks of school.

We are going to request an IEP meeting based on what we've found. Luckily for us, our son's handwriting is so...very bad, and spelling almost non-existent, that we should be able to get a meeting for that.

Not sure if we can "back door" dyslexia but we are going to try.

Husband ready to pull child and place in private. I really feel like fighting the system though.

There are many parents in this school system with high-school kids. THey rightly started the fight and I feel compelled to carry that torch but why, oh why is it taking DECADES?

Sorry ladies and gentlemen I"m pissed now; 6 months after dx and school doing almost nothing.

What county are you in? If your child is clearly showing signs of dyslexia, you shouldn't have to back door it. We're in Montgomery County and when the teacher and I requested the IEP meeting they met with us very quickly and got the process rolling. For my DD is was very apparent that she was dyslexic and they put an IEP in place. With in one grading period, her report card dramatically improved. Tell your teacher you want to start this process. If you request it, they have to test your child.