Accepting the fact I cannot teach my kids and suck up $$ for tutors.
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Anonymous
| Or learning Centers. I try and sit down with my kids 8 and 10 to help with homework or do review worksheets. The fights with my kids and my high stress level make it an issue helping them at home. I am a SAHM parent, so somehow I still can't justify using a tutor. Both kids are ADHD and difficult. I've been out of work since they were born, going back to work starting out wouldn't be feasible to pay for tutoring. Classrooms are so big, my kids need extra help. With fifth grade coming for one ( middle school looming), I am panicking for school year. How can I motivate my kids to study or even care about studying to do well in school on their own? |
Anonymous
| I pay tutors for just this reason. They will work for the tutors; they will fight with me. I don't want to fight with my kids. |
Anonymous
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I'm on the other side of this now. I was a SAHM and intended to teach my oldest to read. It was infuriating and we both lost something during the many homework battles. Have learned the lesson and hired tutors and sent him to the resource center at school. Much better, but he still doesn't love to read and probably never will.
Incidentally, I was working PT and felt like all my earnings went to tutors, camps, etc. So frustrating. I feel you, OP. |
Anonymous
| Yep, I am also happy to pay for a tutor for my defiant, ADHD kid to help with homework and one-on-one reinforcement of things taught in the classroom when she wasn't paying attention. |
Anonymous
OP, the justification for using a tutor is that it's really, really difficult to teach your own kids (or, from the kids' perspective, to be taught by your own parent). If you can at all afford it, do it! You and your kids will both be happier. |
Anonymous
| don't be so hard on yourself. |
Anonymous
| Are you talking about tutoring/teaching or just getting homework done? If it's teaching, then you may need an actual tutor. But if it's just getting the work and projects done, you could hire a babysitter for that if you can't get your kids to comply. |
Anonymous
| Do you have a education or physiology degree? Are you an expert in teaching kids those ages? If you are then yes you can feel bad about hiring a tutor. If you aren't then feel good about hiring the best professionals to help your kids. |
Anonymous
| I am not getting why you need a tutor for everyday homework. Since you are a SAHM, the kids are probably home from school by 4 PM. You sit down with them, go thru the backpack, ask what homework they have been assigned and get them started. Please explain what is the problem. Do you start this process when they are hungry or after dinner when they are tired? |
Anonymous
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Three things:
1. Clear parental expectations, follow-through and healthy routine at home. 2. Medication for ADHD overseen by a psychiatrist. 3. If they are eligible, placement in special programs/pull-outs/aides for school. I hope they both have IEPs and their accommodations and services are up to date. Here is my coaching experience: My son with ADHD and daughter without ADHD have been coached and tutored by me since preschool. It's a very close relationship that needs to develop over time and requires great trust and compassion on all sides, and above all, respect. You mustn't be afraid of pushing the limits of what you can all endure, to define where the boundaries are. We have yelled and screamed at each other. We have worked for hours straight. We have cried. We have felt a great sense of accomplishment and joy. Usually we don't do any of these things and just work quietly. We have a very close bond. At first I just wanted to practice what my son's therapists had given us as homework (he needed intensive PT, OT and speech as a toddler), but then I realized he learned so much better on a one-on-one setting that it became a mini-homeschool, with music, math, literature and our native language. I extended that model to my daughter. During DS's 5th grade year, I worked to have him placed in a special program for middle school. This meant a round of neuropsychogical evaluations early on and spending the rest of the year persuading the relevant people in MCPS as well as the IEP team that he needed that placement. He is doing much better now, and I am much less hands-on. But this is possible only because we have worked so long together, that he knows how to study, what my expectations are, and that I trust him (most of the time, and not with a book!). His sister just follows along - it's so indecently easy when there's no ADHD 
I believe any parent can teach study skills and the elementary and middle school curriculum. Inattention, processing speed and focus can be helped by medication. However, if there is too much defiance despite your efforts to build trust and respect, you probably need to work with a therapist and/or discuss with a psychologist. |
Anonymous
Tutors cost about$50 an hour. Are people really paying $200 a week to have a tutor help their kid with homework 4 nights a week. |
Anonymous
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It is not only about the $. The other problem with calling the person who makes them do their homework a tutor rather than a babysitter is that if they really need a tutor in MS or HS they won't know the difference and may resist more.
"Tutors cost about$50 an hour. Are people really paying $200 a week to have a tutor help their kid with homework 4 nights a week." |
Anonymous
I pay tutors once a week for supportive instruction. I allow for natural consequences in school. If they don't turn in their homework, I let the teacher deal with it. I am upfront with the teachers at the beginning of the year that I will support them in their grading. I'm also up front that I expect them to grade as we were graded back in the day. If homework is due on Monday and they don't turn it in, it's a 0. There are no do overs or second chances. You get the grade you get. I would much rather my kid learn this lesson in elem/middle school than in HS. One of my kids has ADHD. Sometimes he does his homework and sometimes he doesn't. His teacher posts the assignments online. I know what is due when. I ask the kids if they have homework. If they say no, I ask them to double check. If they again say no, I let it go. |
Anonymous
Yep. I paid an organizational coach to help my son. He gave my son the same tips, tricks, and information I was preaching, but because it came from someone else, he listened and implemented right away. Best money I ever spent! |
Anonymous
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Yes, accept it.
Knowing how to read doesn't mean you understand the pedagogy or that you have any kind of gift for teaching. Most of us whose kids struggled with executive function issues, ADHD, or just immaturity didn't see it as babysitting, or monitoring, but rather professional assistance with teaching the skills our kids were lacking. |