relocating to home town and just found out dad is having affair

[Anonymous]

DH and I are planning to relocate in 6 weeks to my hometown. I've been here with the kids staying at my parents past three weeks to start to get them enrolled in schools and I'm also pregnant so needed to switch OBs etc. Since I've been here noticed some things with my dad. DH and I decided I should say something about it. Spoke to him today and he confirmed but basically said he's not doing anything until after new baby is born.

I really do not want to be here when my parents marriage erupts because my father is leaving for the other woman. I will certainly be placed in the middle if it, that's just how my parents are unfortunately. Seriously considering scrapping everything and keeping put in DC. Can not even believe this curveball but luckily our kids are 3 and under so I think they'll weather it ok. We rent in dc, planning to rent in hometown for year and DH teleworks, so with that I think we are actually pretty lucky and could scrap everything.

DH joked we should go to LA but thinks it's more of a midlife crisis and will all blow over in a few months.

[Anonymous]

Your kids don't need you to weather anything. Their grandparents marriage has nothing to do with them.

Second, your mind need her support, don't you think?

Imagine your life and marriage thirty years from now. What would you want your grown kids to do? Interfere? Support and be neutral? You don't know much about your parents marriage, just what they want you to know.

[Anonymous]

My parents already act like children and I know too much about what's going on from them! I wish I could stay neutral but I will be dragged into it, especially living close.

I meant that if we decide to stay in DC kids are little enough that they'll just think we had extended visit at the grandparents.

[Anonymous]

I really would consider staying in DC with the situation you described. Presumably, you can always relocate down the road.
If you stay in DC, what will you tell your mother for the reason why? How will she react knowing you knew before she did? Your father put you in a terrible position.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes moving back "home" with family just doesn't work out like you picture it will. If this alone would make you rethink the move, then you shouldn't be moving at all. You should move back to your home town because it's right for you and your DH career, financially and your children's future -wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes moving back "home" with family just doesn't work out like you picture it will. If this alone would make you rethink the move, then you shouldn't be moving at all. You should move back to your home town because it's right for you and your DH career, financially and your children's future -wise.

We were moving for all those reasons. Debated it all year and really took the time to decide it was best. This news is not what we're expecting!

[Anonymous]

It will be a sh-- storm regardless of where you are living. The good news for you is that you will be so busy that you can't devote a lot of time to dealing with it. If the re-lo was the right thing to do before this hit you it is still the right thing to do. It will just be messy.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I'm sorry. So after the baby's born... when? When the baby is a an infant? Or a year old? There's no good time that (based on history) you won't be dragged in to it and also won't need to support your mum (at least emotionally).

I don't wish that on any new mum. Sorry. I don't think it would change my move but it ends up being your business if financially she would need to live with you.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell him to tell her now. Like literally today, otherwise I'll be telling her tomorrow. Then try not to let the stress affect you. Let the baby be the awesome distraction your mom needs to drag her out of the depression. But she needs to experience it first. Presumably you have more time to support her now than when the baby is here.

Your mom will resent you knowing that you knew and didn't tell her. She doesn't need another person to betray her.

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for your mom, her world is about to be turned upside down at a time when she will not get support from her daughter due to having a newborn.

What will happen to your relationship with your mother when your mom finds out you knew now?

[Anonymous]

The affair may fizzle out before the baby is born. Especially once your dad figures out the financial ramifications of late-in-life divorce.

[Anonymous]

First, tell your father to tell your mother now or you will. If she finds out that you have known about it for some time she will feel betrayed.
Second, you've put a lot of thought into the move, don't let this change it.
Third, focus on your new baby and your family. The mess your dad created will unfold regardless where you live.

[Anonymous]

I can understand not wanting to be there when this all goes down, but in the long run, when the divorce is done, you might be glad you moved. Once they're divorced, they won't have each other to take care of things when they have health crises, and they'll be looking to you and any siblings you might have. It's so much easier to take care of aging parents when you are local.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, tell your father to tell your mother now or you will. If she finds out that you have known about it for some time she will feel betrayed.
Second, you've put a lot of thought into the move, don't let this change it.
Third, focus on your new baby and your family. The mess your dad created will unfold regardless where you live.

+1

[Anonymous]

Who else is in the hometown? Aunts, cousins, siblings, nieces/nephews?