baby shower etiquette

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty clueless about this, so any insight you could provide would be appreciated!
-When do most people have their showers?
-OK for my mom to host?
-Is there any reason not to have a couples shower? (Many of my friends (and DH's) are men.)

[Anonymous]

I had my shower at 7 months and was hosted by the moms. It was a couples shower, but really more like a cocktail party, we didn't open gifts at the shower or do any games or anything. It was a lot of fun! I don't suggest doing a couples shower if you want to do games or spend a lot of time opening gifts in front of everyone. A BBQ or something like that might be fun.

[Anonymous]

Thanks--something like that sounds more our style. (I'm not into all the cutesy games anyway.)

[Anonymous]

our friends had a dinner party couples shower- it was buffet- lots of fun-.. they threw in two baby games (I said not typical shower stuff) - one was guessing baby food item.. it was hilarious- i have to say the two simple games was the funniest thing- especially since it was with a bunch of couples..

[Anonymous]

i think "traditionally" moms aren't supposed to throw baby or bridal showers for their daughters
but i don't think it really matters....
and it's totally up to you if you want boys there or not! both are fun!
why not have two showers!?

[Anonymous]

Technically in terms of etiquette, your mom is not supposed to host (supposedly trolling for gifts on your behalf), but honestly, with a baby shower, no one has anything. I mean, for a wedding shower, esp. these days, you can make the case that a couple probably doesn't need much, but with a baby, everyone knows you need stuff! A friend hosted a couples party for our wedding (no gifts, had a wine-tasting to choose the wine for our wedding). Two years later, we didn't have a "couples" baby shower per se, but invited the guys who were our friends along with the women. I was definitely not into the cutesy games anyway, nor was my friend who hosted, and we all had a nice time. It was just a Sat. brunch, everyone chatted for a while and ate, and we opened presents.

[Anonymous]

If you want to be "snicker-proof," as Miss Manners would say, you don't let a family member host the shower. There aren't any rules about the gender of guests.

Are you really not going to let your mother host if proper etiquette says she can't?

[Anonymous]

My mom hosted my shower and their were no snickers-probably many friends were relieved that they didn't have to pay since it was at a nice countryclub. I think times have changed and whoever wants to throw you a shower, it's great. I would open presents at the shower though, you are going to find that a lot of people are going to go to a lot of trouble to give you some nice things and it's nice for them to see the look on your face when you open as well as the other guest see. This is just me but to not open presents at the shower seems a bit more cold.

[Anonymous]

My sister and a friend hosted a shower for me at my friend's house when I was a little under 8 months pregnant. I was a bit concerned about etiquette, so I requested that my registry information NOT be put on the invitation, and that the shower NOT be at my house. While I completely understand how practical it is to do both of those things, I have my own hang ups about listing registry information on an invite. I wanted word of mouth to let people know where I was registered (like when I got married), but it did result in me getting some wacko gifts, but that is my own fault. And the best gifts you will get are from other mothers, the random ones are from single young friends (that was my experience), especially if they go off the registry, because they don't know what to buy (I have been guilty of that myself). We had the shower on a Saturday, at 11am, with a light brunch/lunch menu, we all ate, chit chatted, then opened gifts, and by 1pm people started to leave. I liked that time because people were still able to have their Saturday free for the most part. We also didn't play any games, but no one seemed to care about that.

Hope your shower is a success and congrats on your upcoming new baby!

[Anonymous]

Very interesting discussion. I am first time preganant in the country and did nto know anything about baby showrs. I thought I was to host it and did not really wnat to do it prior baby is home. so I guess here it is well known that I am not supposed to host the party, why then I am being asked when the baby shower will be and where I registered? I did not register anywhere and we bought most of the stuff ourselves. I am not sure what to say when i am being asked about the shower? The reason why I did not feel right saying where I registered was like as if I was asking for presents.

At work 2 girls did a surprise shower for me, they brought cup cakes and sodas and gave me a gift card (it was a large meeting of 20 people), I was really surprised and felt like I had to make cup cakes not them. Now it seems what happenned was right? I really never ever expected to have this happenned at work.

[Anonymous]

To the PP: Yes, it's very typical here to have your coworkers throw a shower for you. All you need to do is thank them.

The people who are asking when the shower is may be wondering/expecting to be invited, may be thinking about giving one for you themselves, or may just be making conversation. I would just say "that's not something we do in my country, and I don't really know much about them." I can see how you'd think from that question that you should be planning it yourself, but that's not the case at all.

[Anonymous]

Hmm-it always nice to have a shower. Is your husband from US--if so, you can say something to him and possible his family could arrange something for you. Also, do you have any friends yet in the US-if so you may be surprised that someone is planning this for you. Maybe one of them could help you register at babiesrus or buybuybaby.

[Anonymous]

Our situation was unique in that I had a very bad outcome late in first pregnancy - delivery at 21 weeks and lost twins- so I think any potential etiquette issues would have been happily pushed aside.
My party was later a surprise at 35 weeks, hosted by a number of people (moms, cousins,and friends) and it was in my house as I was limited in activity. I actually expected to be after delivery. My mom is one who likes to have them afterwards usually but I think that could be difficult for a number of reasons.
We did the same thing we did for my wedding shower - a display shower. I hate being the center of attention and so guest bring gifts unwrapped and the hosts display them on tables with small cards (like seating cards) with the name of the person who gave the gifts.

I have a very traditional family - old school Italian/Irish and I thought all the senior generation would absolutely hate the idea when my cousin first did it. Actually the loved that fact that they had more time to talk with each other and did not have to watch in the first case 30 boxes of china opened that they could barely see and could never hear who sent the gift.