DH gives me attitude when I go out and has to watch DS.
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Anonymous
| On the rare occasions I go out, DH gives me a hard time about him staying home with our 2.5 yo. This makes me never want to go out. This week we have a new person at work. She just moved here and is on her own. So I took her out for dinner Monday, her first night. We made plans to go out Friday so she wouldn't be all alone and bored on her first weekend. Saturday is a birthday dinner for a friend. Aside from this rather busy week, I go out to a movie or dinner or something with friends maybe once every 2-3 months. DH also travels for work and frequently has fun dinners out. I know this weekend is heavy on going out, but I'm so annoyed he's complaining about this. |
Anonymous
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Have you told him that it's annoying that he acts like he is doing you a favor and complains about watching his own kid?
Is it that he has to watch the kid or that he doesn't feel like either of you should go out and feels work trips are different? |
Anonymous
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What is his objection? That he's missing you? That he has to be alone with his son? 2.5 is not like a breastfeeding infant. And a toddler goes to bed pretty early. What's his problem, exactly?
Make sure you emphasize to him that this week is unusually busy, and make sure he has the chance to go out and get some "me" time. But get to the bottom of what exactly his specific grievance is. And by the way, he's not "watching" his son. That's what a babysitter does. |
Anonymous
| Does he complain about other stuff? |
Anonymous
| Could be worse. Our son is 3.5 and I have been away form him only to go to Safeway. |
Anonymous
Not the OP but duh it's the same objection most DHs have - ithey are scared because they don't know what to do if the kid does not comply and they really just want to relax and not deal with little kid demands because little kid demands are boring and can be exhausting. Most DHs have so little experience with children. So OP should go out and just let her DH deal. It's the only way for it to get better for her DH. He won't do it the way she would if she was home and that's ok. |
Anonymous
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So confront him on it.
"Joe, I'm going out with Jane tonight. The last time I went out to do something for myself was 2 months ago. You're complaining and making comments. What's going on?" |
Anonymous
Except that she's going out 3 out of 6 nights. |
Anonymous
| Talk to him and give him a chance to explain his behavior. Make it very clear that you won't have his pouting and guilting over your reasonable need for some time with friends. I would verbalize that his behavior is overly controlling. And remind him he's a father not a babysitter. |
Anonymous
| I used to joke and say 'hey, maybe you shouldn't have married someone with kids' to poin out that he is acting like they are only your kids. |
Anonymous
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Are his "fun" dinners out related to work? I ask because both my husband and my best friend's husband seem to view anything work related as "not fun," even when the outing is enjoyable and with people they actually like, whereas my best friend and I tend to consider any dinner or outing with adults to be fun. As a result, both sides can get annoyed when the husbands think they've been slaving away and and we think they've been having a blast and therefore everyone's expectations can get out of whack. (For what it's worth, my best friend and I both work, we just don't travel for our jobs the way our husbands do).
I think you need to have a conversation with your husband about how he's viewing this situation and why he's upset. My husband and I are so familiar in so many ways that I often forget that we don't think about things in the same way, so when there is a disconnect, we need to tell each other how we see things so that we can understand the other person's point of view. Best case scenario, your husband has some valid reason for his feelings and just doesn't know how to express them, but you guys can come to an understanding and walk away with everyone happy. Worst case scenario, your husband is a man child who is incapable of taking care of his own kid. Either way, you need to find out what is causing him to give you a hard time about it. |
Anonymous
lol. Different poster here, but that would so go over my husband's head. |
Anonymous
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Hopefully you know other families where the dad flies solo, without complaining, regularly. I'd start highlighting those examples so he sees you going out on your own as normal (which it is). Don't let his comments get to you. Don't keep score with how much you get out vs how much he gets out. Keep doing what you're doing and he'll figure out how to parent - then his complaints will be reduced.
My favorite check to a husband's attitude was when one husband we know was complaining to another husband about something with his wife. Something along the lines of isn't she so demanding (for something that really wasn't demanding). The other husband just looks at the first and goes, "Dude, she's your wife. The mother of your child. What are you complaining about?" |
Anonymous
| That is a lot of going out for this week. Seems like you are spending a lot of time with friends and perhaps not enough as a family or even just you and husband? Are you all making alone time together to go out? |
Anonymous
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Did he know about this week ahead of time? 3 nights in one week is a lot, for someone who is probably used to having help each evening. It throws off the nightly routine.
I'd do this for my spouse, of course, but i'd also like a bit of a heads up that it's going to happen. Also, the Friday night entertaining someone new who is living in a big city with TONS to do (even alone) seems a little weak. Especially if you sprung it on him. HOWEVER. He should not be complaining about parenting his son. Do not have any more kids with this man. Having two is an entirely different ballgame and it doesn't sound like he can handle that. |