How do I thank DD's stepmom (to be)

[Anonymous]

Ex is engaged to a very nice woman and she has been apart of my kids lives for almost 2 years now. Its going fine in general but there are always new firsts and we are kinda setting the stage inch by inch as things arise. Over the wknd Future Stepmom took my DD school shopping for new tennis shoes and also got her some nice gym shorts. (They went to Dicks for other things in general and DD asked to try on shoes and it organically happened) Traditionally I pay for "back to school" and all extra curriculars because Ex pays for the school itself. I asked EXH how much the shoes/shorts were and I would write him a check, he graciously declined and said "it was Future SM idea and we wanted to do it." Im thinking of just leaving it at that but I always wanted to maybe write her a quick note thanking her for including my DD and I appreciate the practical and generous gift and maybe include a starbucks GC? Is that too much/ trying to too hard? I just want to acknowledge the gesture because she really could have easily said "Your mom is taking you next week for school stuff" and left it at that. Just trying to be polite and kind as we navigate this new family structure. Shoes were about 100 dollars, not sure about shorts. PS: My DD did thank her a few times too.

[Anonymous]

If more people were like you, this board could cease to exist.

[Anonymous]

I would just thank her. No need for a gc and that makes it seem less familiar/family doing it.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you need the gift card, tho it's fine if you want to include it. A note or phone call thanking her is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just thank her. No need for a gc and that makes it seem less familiar/family doing it.

Agree with this. I'm a stepmom (and a regular mom, or whatever the PC way is to say that) and often buy things for my stepkids. I love them, and it's my pleasure to buy them things, teach them things, take them places, etc. Acknowledging it next time you see her is plenty, and all that I'd like. Giving me a thank you note would make me feel weird.

[Anonymous]

I think a verbal thank you or a note is fine. No need for GC. And just remember this the next time she does something that ticks you off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If more people were like you, this board could cease to exist.

and the step mom!

[Anonymous]

Leave it. She's not a stranger or a friend who did these things, she is a 3rd parent and clearly (thank God!) wants to function as one. Good on her but don't create the idea that what she did was somehow "exceptional" or outside the scope of what a parent would do (that could also be offensive to her).

[Anonymous]

I think it would set a nice tone for the relationship if you sent her a note (handwrite it, it feels more personal than an email) telling her that DD loves the new shoes and shorts, and saying something along the lines of how the kids really likes her and that you're glad she's a part of their family (obviously phrase it however feels best/more sincere to you). I wouldn't specifically thank her for the clothes or give her a gift card (after all, it was meant to be a gift to your DD, not you), I would use her gesture and your note more as a way of cementing a positive tone for your relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

Definitely do not give her a gift card. But thanking her is a very nice gesture.

[Anonymous]

OP here! Ok Got it I will just thank her when I see he…no GC! Like I said its just all new and I want to set a good tone. She moved in over the summer and I was a bit nervous but everything seems fine! Whew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here! Ok Got it I will just thank her when I see he…no GC! Like I said its just all new and I want to set a good tone. She moved in over the summer and I was a bit nervous but everything seems fine! Whew.

Glad to hear it, op

[Anonymous]

I'm a mom and a stepmom. And my kids have an amazing stepmom/other mother. We've been doing the blended family thing for going on 20 years. Just a simple thank you is perfect. It's wonderful that you are able to work towards a good relationship with her. It makes all the difference!

[Anonymous]

I'll echo that just a sincere thank you is all that's needed. Remain open and kind. It's the best gift you can give your kids.

My parents are divorced and remarried and yet still vacation with all of us and share holidays. It's honestly the best show of love they could have ever given us. I appreciate how hard and awkward that must have been those first few years and how they pushed through it. It makes me love my step-mom and dad too that they put up with it all, for us kids.

[Anonymous]

I would just send a imessage / SMS.