Feel like the worst mom ever :(

[Anonymous]

DS who has ASD and ADHD has tons of issues when it comes to medical treatment. He's so anxious and concrete that even though he's almost 7 I have to literally hold him down with several other people for shots or other routine things. We've spent hours in doctors offices negotiating, bribing, etc. to no avail. We try to set it up in a positive way up front and use every technique we have but in the end we generally just have to force him to do something. Dental treatment is terrible and thankfully our very patient dentist got an x-ray (after 90 minutes of patient waiting) that showed extensive decay. We brush and use fluoride rinse at home and he's not big into sweets but of course it's hard to get a good brushing because he won't let us help. He wouldn't let the dentist near him to do a cleaning so we had to bring him somewhere to be sedated. They found even more decay and he needs treatment on basically half of his teeth! I am so upset and it's taken awhile to get in because they had to schedule an anesthesiologist so I know the poor kiddo has been suffering. Please please DCUM tell me that I'm not the worst mom ever and if anyone else has gone through this, how do you help your kids keep their teeth healthy? I know it's my job as a parent and I want to do better.

[Anonymous]

You are a great mom, OP. Don't ever let that little insecure voice in your head tell you otherwise. Tell her to shut up.

[Anonymous]

You are doing great, it's a difficult situation.

My kid is similar but not as bad. We supervised her brushing for a long time. Gave her gentle reminders to brush each tooth. Lot's of positive reinforcement just for trying. Gave her a two minute timer and said she had to brush for the full time. Positive reinforcement each time she did it. She still is not a great brusher, but no major dental problems yet.

[Anonymous]

Same situation with my 5 year old. 5! We got sealants put on which I hope helps. I love it when they ask how often he flosses. HA HA HA LOL

[Anonymous]

Oh - OP - there is an app that I know some kids love which some toothbrushes connect to. It is like a timer but fun.

[Anonymous]

You are the furthest thing from the "worst mom ever." I hear the words of a mom who cares so much and does her best under incredibly difficult circumstances. My son has similar issues and is the same age. Fortunately, he lets me brush his teeth but dentist and medical appointments are disastrous. Hang in there and don't beat yourself up over this. You are dealing with it which is all that matters in the end.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a very loving, involved and proactive mom, OP! Your DS is fortunate to have you as his Mom and advocate.

You're on the right track here - getting DS the care he needs. Once he gets all of this dental work done, you can together work on longer term goals, like figuring out what DS might be fearful of, what self-care he might manage, what tools and or meds might be helpful. DS is going to feel so much better soon, I hope!

(way better than my own mom who pretty much ignored my many medical concerns)

[Anonymous]

Can you get him flossing at home? That should help.

[Anonymous]

12:48 back to ask if DS might like those flosses just for kids? Bright colored plastic holders with short, taut floss attached.

My arthritic, elderly dad is obsessed with these flossers and its easy for him to use.

Would DS want to try a Waterpic? An electric toothbrush? Does DS like gadgets? Would he find a toothbrush sterilizer interesting? My DD 10 has a mouthwash pump with an integrated cup holder and toothbrush slot. She loves using this!

[Anonymous]

I laid my son on the bed, straddled him and pinned his arms with my knees until he was about 12 in order to brush my son's teeth. You do what you have to do. One suggestion I would make is that you might want to get cleanings every 2-3 months instead of only twice a year.

[Anonymous]

OP- this is intended to make you feel better- some people get cavities way easier than others. I have a mouth full of filling. My DH is nearly 50- two cavities in his life. My son has none so far and lies about brushing his teeth and does a terrible job- and also won't let us help. (ADHD)
You seem like you're doing a good job- talk with your dentist about options for sealants.

[Anonymous]

Maybe try using "plaque detector/disclosing" tablet?

[Anonymous]

Op,

He physically may not be brushing effectively even if he does it regularly. When he's laying on his back, you can do a secondary brushing even without toothpaste. Or when he's standing at the sink, stand behind him and do hand over hand.

Also, you may want to ensure that he's not eating too many acidic things or grinding his teeth. Lastly, cheese helps reduce the sugars that cause tooth decay: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/1877906/

So ending a meal with a cheese stick could help.

[Anonymous]

I read about a Bluetooth brush that would let you know the spots that were missed.

That is a lot of decay-are you confident in your dentist?

[Anonymous]

I would also suggest taking your kid to the dentist more often. You'll have to pay, but he will probably get used to it faster.