ILs are hoarders
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Anonymous
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DH's ILs are full blown hoarders and their house is falling apart. They already live in a very old house, but add in the fact that they literally can only sleep in their bedroom and watch tv on one couch, and it's very sad. DH is concerned about their health as they are always sick and since they are getting up there in age, he worries that they will not be able to stay in the house long term. We live about 700 miles away and his two siblings that are local have tried to take steps to get things cleaned up, but it doesn't last. I've been with DH 12 years and I have only been inside their home a handful of times. They have attempted therapy, but that was also a dead end.
Has anyone else been through this? What did you do? Is this just one of those things where until they make the decision to change, there's really nothing that can be done? |
Anonymous
| Their local county/city/town likely has services to help. Hoarding is a mental health issue but it has public safety implications, which is why jurisdictions get involved. It is like anything else, you can't change your ILs through cajoling or pressure, they need to want to change. Using a systematized approach through your jurisdiction may help. |
Anonymous
| My mom is a hoarder, but not with food or feces so it's just insanely messy. It really bothers me, and every time I go there I do a massive cleaning (which annoys her to no end), but it's always piled up again the next time I go. My sister and I talk about this after. We've decided that she just doesn't care, isn't embarrassed, doesn't notice the smell, etc. there is nothing we can do about it. Just like an addict. It's her choice. When she dies we will get dumpsters. |
Anonymous
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There's a psylogical problem behind their hoarding.
Maybe as a family member who cares you should address that problem with them. |
Anonymous
| Did either of his parents suffer a trauma growing up? My mom had this issue and it related to a sinking dying. I am sad to say. I thing changed until she went into assisted living and is just it allowed to hoard. In the bright side though the rules seemed to calm her. Possibly your in laws would benefit from assisted living for same reason. You should also talk to your husband about making sure he doesn't model her behavior. I am aware that there can be a genetic component so I am always careful to not overvalue material things. |
Anonymous
| It is none of your business. Leave them alone. |
Anonymous
| Do a search feature for hoarding and hoarders. Plenty of threads specifically on this topic, include recent ones. |
Anonymous
My mother was a hoarder--the really bad kind. You need to stop thinking that they will change. It isn't that simple. I don't know how many times I had to clean my mom's house and how many times it returned to its prior state. I even moved her to a new home and it all started again. It is a sickness and one that isn't easy to treat. |
Anonymous
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G-d knows I tried to help my elderly hoarding parents. Nothing worked. When they had to move out of their house to a senior living place, they left the hoard in place and started anew in the new place.
I know it is a mental illness but if they refuse treatment there really isn't anything that can be done. I was to the point where I was going to get the fire inspector to come to the house and point out all the unsafe stuff- but then they moved because mom's dementia got worse. It's a bad situation. You have my deepest sympathy. |
Anonymous
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Most hoarding comes from ADHD and/or OCD. If they can be persuaded to try meds for ADHD, you could try to see if it helps. However, the doctor has to give his all-clear if they have health issues and take other meds. |
Anonymous
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Just be happy it is not YOUR parents, and support your DH in whatever he decides to do.
Signed, child of hoarder mom |