Is it rare to not desire close friendships?

[Anonymous]

I have quite a few good aquantiences, not really true friends, but people I can count on to grab dinner or drinks and "girl talk", or partake in a shared hobby. I really have no desire to spend time or energy making and maintaining close friendships. My husband says I am "antisocial" and finds it truly strange (he always has, and I've always been this way.) I am never lonely and I can entertain myself perfectly. Am I as much of an anomaly as my husband makes me out to be? (FWIW, I'm 34 and we have one school-aged child.)

[Anonymous]

I think if you have a group of women you can "count on to grab dinner with and girl talk with" you DO have close friends. I'm sure these women would come to you in a time of need (say you developed cancer or someone died).

There are many, many women who don't have or don't need that.

I'm not sure what you consider "close friendship" if it's not what you detailed above?

[Anonymous]

I used to always want close friends, but now I'm good with lots of social friends, and the more the merrier.

I do have some long term close friends though, but we aren't in touch all the time and live far apart. But essentially we have always had fun doing stuff together, just over a very long period of time. Now we have fun talking about the fun stuff we did together.

Probably some of your social friends today will become those history-keeper friends of tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you have a group of women you can "count on to grab dinner with and girl talk with" you DO have close friends. I'm sure these women would come to you in a time of need (say you developed cancer or someone died).

There are many, many women who don't have or don't need that.

I'm not sure what you consider "close friendship" if it's not what you detailed above?

We aren't close. We go weeks without seeing each other. We don't share intricate details of our lives. We "catch up" over dinner or drinks occasionally. These aren't close friends. But maybe I'm mistaken!

[Anonymous]

I am like that OP. Too much drama. The closer you are to them, the more drama you hear. And the more you hear the drama, it drains you from your happy spirit. Sometimes, the conversations just sounds like complaints after complaints. Does anyone have any happy things to say these days?

[Anonymous]

I don't think its rare. I'm the same way. People often drain me especially other women. I really don't find pleasure in a hanging out with people. The closer that people try to get to me the more I push them away. I'm really not into the drama, gossip mills, or the typical behavior that many women possess. I find that having close friends is annoying and smothering. They always want to dominate your social life and time. I like my space and freedom. I went to a friend's social last weekend. When I left I felt like I had been run over by a dump truck. There was way too much mindless chatter, gossiping, and typical female posturing for my taste. It gets old and tiring after while. I'm more content with spending time with my children and husband.

[SuZQ154]

You are like other people I know and they are very normal, nice people. My husband often talks about Myers-Briggs and DISC, and these personality profiling systems confirm some people are introverts and some are extroverts. I rather admire people who are content with just being themselves. You sound like a person like that! For me, connecting with people is to share my life, feelings, and faith.

[Anonymous]

Do you have any old friends from HS or college? My "best friends" are still those people even though we don't live near each other or see each other in person more than once a year. But we talk on the phone for several hours at least once a month and those are intimate conversations where you can say anything and feel accepted and understood.

[Anonymous]

I think the definition of "close friendship" changes as one gets older. In high school and college, I saw my best friends every day. As I moved through my 20s, I got together with friends maybe once a week and spoke on the phone (this was pre-Internet) every two or three days. Now, I will get together with friends maybe once every three or four weeks, and shoot an email off once a week or so.