In the range of typical, or is something amiss?

[Anonymous]

DS is almost 5. FTM here and DS has always been a handful. DH and I've dealt with it on our own, and have strained our marriage in the process, but now that DS is approaching Kindergarten, we wonder if we've done him a disservice by not getting help sooner. Here are the things we've noticed:

- He plays almost exclusively with his toy cars, trucks, trains, - rolls them around, put them in traffic jams, gives them characters and plays out scenarios, etc. He can do this for up to 2 hours uninterrupted. He has other toys that he will play with occasionally, but his main interest is cars.
- Trouble transitioning - especially mornings, he hates to dress himself and get ready for school. We waste a lot of time in the mornings getting him out the door, and sometimes he will outright refuse.
- Too touchy/feely - he's a sweet kid and loves his family and friends, but sometimes it's too much. He's always telling DH and I that he loves us and always wants to hug and kiss. He tells his friends and even his pre-K teachers that he loves them. He often kisses his teachers and other favorite adults, though not so much his friends. He gets too comfortable too quickly with people that shows him attention. He has very strong attachments to his friends.
- Sensitive, gets very upset when prevented from doing something he wants to do and will lash out by screaming, throwing toys, pushing stuff to the floor, hitting etc.. This happens 3-4 times a week. Twice in the last month, he intentionally peed on his bedroom floor because he didn't want to get ready for bed. Both times it was after bath time and he refused to put on his pajamas.
- He is often shy when approached by strangers and will sometimes refuse to speak when spoken to. We often have to remind him of manners.
- He gets distracted very, very easily. We can call DS' name 50 times and he will completely ignore us if he's in the middle of looking at something (an insect in the grass) or doing something.

DS is funny, and smart, and chatty, but he also worries us when some of these 'quirks.' Should we give it more time and see if DS outgrows some of these behaviors or should we contract Children's or KKI for an evaluation?

[Anonymous]

Has he done preschool at all? If so, have the teachers said anything?

[Anonymous]

These aren't huge red flags for me. Even all together. Some may be personality quirks and others a lag in maturity. What does your pediatrician say?

The pink flags for my kids were
DD #1: always on the go. Disliked being touched gently. Easily overstimulated.
DD #2: inattentiveness and rigidity with routines or resistance to new experiences

Because both were popular with peers and got good grades through ES, it was easy to overlook although I'm an educator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has he done preschool at all? If so, have the teachers said anything?

OP here. Yes, he's been in the same daycare/pre-school since he was 2 years old (prior to that, he was in a different daycare setting). Nope, the teachers have never said anything to us. His pre-K teacher in particular was very, very good with him. She once told me that Americans (she is from another country) are quick to conclude a child might have a delay or special need, when mostly she just sees differences in personality. She acknowledged that DS is not the easiest kid to manage, but that she had seen much worse, and has had to tell parents the "truth" about their kids (this was in a conversation re: DS' end of year progress report).

Then again, I've read other threads on here where posters have said not to rely on teachers to be honest with what they see, or even have the knowledge to point something out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These aren't huge red flags for me. Even all together. Some may be personality quirks and others a lag in maturity. What does your pediatrician say?

The pink flags for my kids were
DD #1: always on the go. Disliked being touched gently. Easily overstimulated.
DD #2: inattentiveness and rigidity with routines or resistance to new experiences

Because both were popular with peers and got good grades through ES, it was easy to overlook although I'm an educator.

OP here. We recently switched pediatricians. His old one didn't have any concerns with the issues we raised. His new pediatrician did notice that at his recent well-visit, he was very fidgety (touching everything in the exam room, not listening to me, super giggly when she tried to listen to his breathing, etc.). PP, were your daughters diagnosed with anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is almost 5. FTM here and DS has always been a handful. DH and I've dealt with it on our own, and have strained our marriage in the process, but now that DS is approaching Kindergarten, we wonder if we've done him a disservice by not getting help sooner. Here are the things we've noticed:

- He plays almost exclusively with his toy cars, trucks, trains, - rolls them around, put them in traffic jams, gives them characters and plays out scenarios, etc. He can do this for up to 2 hours uninterrupted. He has other toys that he will play with occasionally, but his main interest is cars.
- Trouble transitioning - especially mornings, he hates to dress himself and get ready for school. We waste a lot of time in the mornings getting him out the door, and sometimes he will outright refuse.
- Too touchy/feely - he's a sweet kid and loves his family and friends, but sometimes it's too much. He's always telling DH and I that he loves us and always wants to hug and kiss. He tells his friends and even his pre-K teachers that he loves them. He often kisses his teachers and other favorite adults, though not so much his friends. He gets too comfortable too quickly with people that shows him attention. He has very strong attachments to his friends.
- Sensitive, gets very upset when prevented from doing something he wants to do and will lash out by screaming, throwing toys, pushing stuff to the floor, hitting etc.. This happens 3-4 times a week. Twice in the last month, he intentionally peed on his bedroom floor because he didn't want to get ready for bed. Both times it was after bath time and he refused to put on his pajamas.
- He is often shy when approached by strangers and will sometimes refuse to speak when spoken to. We often have to remind him of manners.
- He gets distracted very, very easily. We can call DS' name 50 times and he will completely ignore us if he's in the middle of looking at something (an insect in the grass) or doing something.

DS is funny, and smart, and chatty, but he also worries us when some of these 'quirks.' Should we give it more time and see if DS outgrows some of these behaviors or should we contract Children's or KKI for an evaluation?

It's hard to tell if your DS has SN or not, but that right there in bold says that you need to get help. A psychologist can conduct testing and provide a diagnosis or not, but they can also start you on the path towards resources to help you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Nothing you posted seems out of the ordinary for a little boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These aren't huge red flags for me. Even all together. Some may be personality quirks and others a lag in maturity. What does your pediatrician say?

The pink flags for my kids were
DD #1: always on the go. Disliked being touched gently. Easily overstimulated.
DD #2: inattentiveness and rigidity with routines or resistance to new experiences

Because both were popular with peers and got good grades through ES, it was easy to overlook although I'm an educator.

OP here. We recently switched pediatricians. His old one didn't have any concerns with the issues we raised. His new pediatrician did notice that at his recent well-visit, he was very fidgety (touching everything in the exam room, not listening to me, super giggly when she tried to listen to his breathing, etc.). PP, were your daughters diagnosed with anything?

Yes, ADHD initially. Other dxs later for mild conditions often seen with ADHD.

Our pediatrician didn't notice either, but both girls had teachers at 10 or 11 that meticulously documented anything out of the norm with any kid. I wasn't in denial, I just see so many more severe cases in my work that I think my sense of what was typical was a bit skewed. The school screened my older child. We went private eval with the younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing you posted seems out of the ordinary for a little boy.

+1

[Anonymous]

None of this seems out of the ordinary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is almost 5. FTM here and DS has always been a handful. DH and I've dealt with it on our own, and have strained our marriage in the process, but now that DS is approaching Kindergarten, we wonder if we've done him a disservice by not getting help sooner. Here are the things we've noticed:

- He plays almost exclusively with his toy cars, trucks, trains, - rolls them around, put them in traffic jams, gives them characters and plays out scenarios, etc. He can do this for up to 2 hours uninterrupted. He has other toys that he will play with occasionally, but his main interest is cars.
- Trouble transitioning - especially mornings, he hates to dress himself and get ready for school. We waste a lot of time in the mornings getting him out the door, and sometimes he will outright refuse.
- Too touchy/feely - he's a sweet kid and loves his family and friends, but sometimes it's too much. He's always telling DH and I that he loves us and always wants to hug and kiss. He tells his friends and even his pre-K teachers that he loves them. He often kisses his teachers and other favorite adults, though not so much his friends. He gets too comfortable too quickly with people that shows him attention. He has very strong attachments to his friends.
- Sensitive, gets very upset when prevented from doing something he wants to do and will lash out by screaming, throwing toys, pushing stuff to the floor, hitting etc.. This happens 3-4 times a week. Twice in the last month, he intentionally peed on his bedroom floor because he didn't want to get ready for bed. Both times it was after bath time and he refused to put on his pajamas.
- He is often shy when approached by strangers and will sometimes refuse to speak when spoken to. We often have to remind him of manners.
- He gets distracted very, very easily. We can call DS' name 50 times and he will completely ignore us if he's in the middle of looking at something (an insect in the grass) or doing something.

DS is funny, and smart, and chatty, but he also worries us when some of these 'quirks.' Should we give it more time and see if DS outgrows some of these behaviors or should we contract Children's or KKI for an evaluation?

It's hard to tell if your DS has SN or not, but that right there in bold says that you need to get help. A psychologist can conduct testing and provide a diagnosis or not, but they can also start you on the path towards resources to help you and your family.

This. You don't need a diagnosis to get parenting help. I recommend Dr. Shapiro's parenting class: http://www.parentchildjourney.com

Many of the other parents in the class will have children with diagnoses, but it's helpful for anyone with a child for whom their parenting techniques aren't working.

[Anonymous]

What you posted sounds very much like our son when he was 5. We had him evaluated for ADHD at the request of his preschool teacher (that's a whole 'nother story), and were told that he fits the profile for ADHD, but so do most high-energy five-year-old boys. She said that, for this reason, an ADHD diagnosis was not developmentally appropriate at that point (absent extreme circumstances, such as behavior creating a serious safety risk to self or others) because some children will grow out of the behavior as they mature and others won't (and then often do turn out to have ADHD), and that diagnosis is generally much more accurate/reliable evaluation beginning at least seven years old. We had him evaluated at 8, and he was diagnosed with ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you posted sounds very much like our son when he was 5. We had him evaluated for ADHD at the request of his preschool teacher (that's a whole 'nother story), and were told that he fits the profile for ADHD, but so do most high-energy five-year-old boys. She said that, for this reason, an ADHD diagnosis was not developmentally appropriate at that point (absent extreme circumstances, such as behavior creating a serious safety risk to self or others) because some children will grow out of the behavior as they mature and others won't (and then often do turn out to have ADHD), and that diagnosis is generally much more accurate/reliable evaluation beginning at least seven years old. We had him evaluated at 8, and he was diagnosed with ADHD.

One more thing I meant to add, the evaluating psychologist did recommend that we get an OT evaluation, because she saw some fine motor weakness and said they also might be able to help address some of the symptoms that had brought us in for evaluation. We did the evaluation and then about four months of OT, and it really did help a lot, even without the official ADHD diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

OP: you've described my ADHD five-year-old almost perfectly.

[Anonymous]

He sounds typical, with typical button-pushing behaviors.

I think you could benefit from parenting classes, or therapy, or both.