Birthday silence

[Anonymous]

I had a nice birthday but realized the next morning that not one member of my family who lives elsewhere sent any sort of greeting. No calls, no emails, no cards, no texts. Zip.

My generation is now the oldest, as our parents, aunts and uncle are gone now. Of the seven cousins in my generation on both sides, only four of us are left. My brother and I are not close, but he usually sends an email. My female cousin and I grew up in different states and became much closer in our 20s. Last year she was traveling on business but at least sent a text. My male cousin and his wife are godparents to my older DC, but often forget DC's birthday and this time forgot mine.

What do I do on their birthdays? Call and sing. Our family is not large, but this just made me sad.

[Anonymous]

Huh? My cousins have no idea when my birthday is. None of them do.

[Anonymous]

My family isn't big on birthdays at all. I can't really think of a time in the last 20+ years anyone made any effort on my birthday. One brother usually sends an email on or near my birthday. One will usually say happy birthday on Facebook. My mom sends a card, this year it was mailed ten days after my birthday. Not a big deal. I usually take a solo trip that coincides with my birthday so I treat myself nice and ultimately that's what matters. Personally I'd really really hate it if someone called and sang. Different strokes I guess.

[Anonymous]

Your cousins normally congratulate you your birthday? And your brother does, but forgot this year? Do you have any idea how lucky you are that they remembered until now? You do know it was your aunts and uncles telling them, plus since they have passed, you are much older than 30? Cherish that it lasted this long.

[Anonymous]

My siblings, we call or text, and sometimes send small gifts if we happen to find something the person would genuinely like/think was funny. (I don't sing, they would hate that; I dislike-but-smilingly-bear-it when my ILs sing it to me.) As for cousins, I do FB messages and send a text if I remember, but honestly, I don't know all my cousins' birthdays.

It's nice to get a few "Happy Birthdays" from friends or colleagues (my office admin puts it on everyone's Outlook calendar, and we usually do donuts for birthdays or something), but honestly? Most adults I know don't BIRTHDAY-birthday. You need to manage your expectations and realize that not every adult expects a big to-do.

[Anonymous]

How old are you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh? My cousins have no idea when my birthday is. None of them do.

I only know my one cousin's birthday because it's the same as mine. Can't ever remember if she is two or three years older than I...

All this to say, I'm not surprised no one commented on your birthday - probably have no idea it happened.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP - if it is a normal thing - and this year nothing (especially if on electronic calendars, FB, etc and they had reminders, etc) why you are sad. I guess in my family - we have a family group reminder that emails dates and what we get are rote - as so many texts, emails are - so it doesn't really faze me but feel a bit sad then appreciate those you did hear from and keep doing what you do for others because it is what you think is right.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP! We do the same thing in our family (call and sing Happy Birthday). Try not to take it personally and know that they do love you but they got caught up in everyday life.

[Anonymous]

OP, please realize that other adults view birthdays much differently than you do. I would never expect to hear from cousins, and I truly am close to 3 of them, and have a good relationship with all 12 of them.

I would h-a-t-e it if someone called and sang to me. A quick birthday call or text would be nice, but the song is over the top, for me. Could it be that they feel "pressured" because you make such a big deal out of it, and are maybe signaling for you to dial it back?

In any event, happy birthday. Focus on the good things about the day.

[Anonymous]

If it means that much to you, get on Facebook. It can remind everyone in your circle that it's your birthday and you get tons of mindless greetings simply because people were electronically reminded to do so.

[Anonymous]

I remember my kids birthdays and my DHs birthdays and that's about it. The rest is a facebook reminder. Adult birthdays are not the same as kids birthdays. Sure it's nice if someone sends you a birthday greeting, but it's not all about you at this stage of life.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. Would be nice if people reached out on your birthday. Unfortunately I've noticed more people barely acknowledging a special day, even once a year. I make a point to call to my immediate family and close friends, but don't always get the same in return.

[Anonymous]

I'm one of those people. Sorry, OP. I have an awful memory and always feel bad when I realize I've missed a birthday. I should sit down, enter everybody's birthday in my phone, and get reminders or something.

But I try to get together with my family for holidays. Will you at least see them at those times?

[Anonymous]

Never ever heard from a cousin on my birthday nor sent any happy birthdays. I only know two cousins' birthdays mainly because they are the day before and the day after my mother's during Christmas week.