If you are an only child

[Anonymous]

If you are an only child, and had a happy childhood as an only, I'm wondering if both parents were very involved? Was your father involved/interested/emotionally invested in taking care of a child? I'm an only with an unhappy childhood and I think a big part of it was that my father was very disconnected/not involved and did nothing but bark orders. My parents were married but my father worked all the time and in his free time did his own thing, never spent any time with me. We never did anything as a family and my father never showed me any affection. Even as an adult the dynamics are still the same. My parents moved to Hawaii to retire and we only see them twice a year and they're not that interested in their Grandkids.

[Anonymous]

I am an only and enjoy(ed) being an only. My dad was an asshole who barked orders as well. They divorced when I was about 13 and both remarried.

I think it just had to do with my innate personality - I'm an introvert who thrives on being alone and really finding contentment based on my own actions/opinions. I can imagine an only childhood with somewhat "hands off" parents would be very hard on someone who craves a lot more interaction and approval from others (which is very normal).

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes, PP, that makes sense. I am an only who did not have a good childhood growing up as an only. I'm currently in therapy to explore this because I'm going through secondary infertility right now and it appears we will not be able to have anymore children. My child seems to like being an only but it's hard for me to accept that I won't have any more children, especially because I did not like being an only child myself. I'm somewhat of an extrovert, dislike being alone, and my childhood growing up was filled with boredom and loneliness. I've met many onlies who loved growing up as an only, and I'm one of the few I've met who hated it. I'm trying to figure out why so I can move past the resentment I have about my upbringing.

[Anonymous]

I am an only child and both my parents were super involved. School, extracurricular activities, weekend walks to "talk about life", you name it - we had it. They were devastated when I moved out of state to go to college; I only learned years after I left that my Dad kept my room as a shrine for years.

[Anonymous]

Happy childhoods come in all sizes. There are so many variables, including the innate personalities of both children and parents. Fathers who did nothing but bark orders were not uncommon back in my day, LOL, but I know lots of people who still thought they had a relatively happy childhood.

[Anonymous]

Only here, introverted, but very lonely as a child. We moved from a neighborhood full of kids where I remember having a lot of fun, doing well in school academically and socially (elementary age) to a remote, country setting with no kids around unless I was driven to them or went home with them after school, which was rare.
I spent a lot of time with my mom, because dad worked a lot and was pretty hands off. My mom is foreign and never really fit in with other moms, so she never took the initiative to get me to extracurriculars. We had animals, so they were my social outlet, LOL.
So now we have the elderly parent dynamic, where I am the mom to my mom (dad has passed). She takes up a lot of my mental energy and time. I wish she would want to move into a retirement setting, so I could go away with my family for more than a few days.

[Anonymous]

I'm an only.
My mother terrorized me. She was a narcissistic, controlling individual who cared for "things" instead of people. She resented the close bond I had with my dad and sulked openly about it. Still does.
I think my unhappy childhood has much more to do with my mothers horrible personality than with being an only. I'm glad there weren't other kids who suffered like I did.

[Anonymous]

Only child-my childhood was happiest when my parents were happy and social. During those times we did a lot of fun activities, hung out with other families, had sleepovers with other kids, etc. When they were struggling with mental health issues and isolated, it was very hard on me.

[Anonymous]

My parents split up before I was one. My mom had a successful career and worked a lot so I was pretty much raised by my grandparents. Had a very happy childhood - my grandparents were lovely people and I had great friends in my neighborhood and school. Just the luck of the draw, I guess.

[Anonymous]

I'm an only and my parents were married late in life (even by today's standard), and had me in their 40s. Both parents were very involved but they were best friends with each other, I was a distant second in their orbit. We didn't have a large family or even invite neighbors over to entertain, so I grew up keeping myself occupied. I got good grades and learned to solve problems by myself, and only turn to my parents if something was an actual emergency. I think I might have been a "free range" kid before it was a thing. I didn't rebel (because I didn't really have any rules), and I didn't realize my upbringing was different from others because I didn't really interact with other kids. Going away to college was an eye opener, and my roommate deserves a medal!

I have a good relationship still with my parents but we're not necessarily close. They're just not affectionate people, and I don't hear from them unless I initiate contact. So, I've made it part of my routine to call on certain days and drop by at various intervals during the month. I hear people say my mom/dad is my best friend and I have no clue what that feels like. But they have modeled a successful marriage and I really respect that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an only child and both my parents were super involved. School, extracurricular activities, weekend walks to "talk about life", you name it - we had it. They were devastated when I moved out of state to go to college; I only learned years after I left that my Dad kept my room as a shrine for years.

OP here. This sounds wonderful. Did you love being an only? It sounds like you had wonderful parents.

[Anonymous]

I'm an only. I'm fairly close with my dad, but he worked at lot and went to college at night for much of my childhood. My mom suffers from severe anxiety and depression and that was tough. But I had a happy childhood - lots of friends in my neighborhood, and I was close with my cousins.

[Anonymous]

This is not universal, but kids are pretty self-absorbed and often times only notice what you tell them or say in front of them. I remember both parents being present for all my school and sports events. It wasn't until I was an adult that my parents admitted that when I was around 8-13, my Dad had an extremely stressful job with a long commute. I remember him always being there - but later conversations revealed that he mostly just barely made the tail end of every event due to his schedule. But the memories I have of seeing him at swim meets, choir concerts, etc. are priceless and I wouldn't have absorbed how late he was to these events unless the household "talk" was about his lateness. Also, he spent every weekend with us - very few instances of him going out drinking or playing sports with buddies.

[Anonymous]

I am an only and had a workaholic father who was rarely home. HOWEVER, when he was, he was the fun parent!
My mother was a Tiger Parent and emotionally unstable, my father was uncommunicative but more rational.

[Anonymous]

My parents were mostly not there. I was raised by nannies. When I was 7 my parents divorced and I didn't see my father again until I was 15 or 16. I had a lot of friends and activities and was quite happy.