Question for parents of only children
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Anonymous
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We have a 5.5 year old and after trying for over 2 years it doesn't look like we will be able to have another due to infertility. One of the most heartbreaking aspects is how badly my DD wants to be a big sister and have a sibling. She asks nearly every day when she will get a baby sister and cries that she wants one so badly. We try to explain that families come in all shapes and sizes and that she is so lucky to have all of our love and attention. But I just don't know how to help her come to terms with the fact that she likely won't ever have a sibling. The reality is that even if we did miraculously have another child she would be so much older that I don't think it would be the relationship she has in her mind like that of her friends who have siblings close in age.
Did anyone else go through this? What more should I say to DD if anything? Is it just a phase and do they get over it at some point? DD has great friends and we make sure to keep her busy socially, so it's not a matter of being lonely. |
Anonymous
| She needs to get over it. I wouldn't entertain her crap about this. You've explained and that's it. Family planning is not a child's decision. |
Anonymous
| She'll adjust. In addition to reminding her that families come in all sizes, remind her that sometimes we want things very badly and we still don't get them. Share some of your sadness (in an age-appropriate way)--"It would be wonderful to have another baby, and I feel sad, too. But I also feel lucky that we have each other." |
Anonymous
| Sorry OP. It's hard enough to deal with, without adding this but keep in mind she's just a kid and it probably will taper off if you just keep telling her it's not going to happen. |
Anonymous
Yes this. |
Anonymous
She's five not thirty-five, pp. Have some compassion. I"m sure, op with time things will get easier. When she gets older you can explain why you can't have another child or a sibling for her. I am not in this situation but, I would just agree that we are both sad that it won't be happening but, that we can try to make the most of the situation. Maybe get together more with cousins or friends? Good luck! |
Anonymous
That really stinks for everyone involved. I struggled with infertility myself, it took me 3 years and many various treatments to get pregnant. But if you have tried everything possible with no results, and just had to stop, then as hard as it is for everyone involved, that's just how it is. I feel for you though. Infertility is difficult enough without having your own child hurting from it, too 
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Anonymous
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My only got over that phase fairly quickly when I explained that babies grow up fast and she would have to share everything with the sister including time with Mom and Dad. I told her that she wouldn't be able to go to her school (an expensive private school) if we had another child or take our vacations (true, btw). I think she wanted a baby doll, not really a baby sister or brother.
We got her a kitten. She was thrilled and hasn't mentioned having a baby since. |
Anonymous
| OMG OP- you don't have a kid just bc your five year old wants one. She needs to get over it |
Anonymous
| She probably is picking up on your sadness. Our only DD sometimes asks in an offhand way, but she also knows she has it good with our undivided attention. I'd dial back any discussion of DC2 potential and she'll move on as well. |
Anonymous
Please don't share some or any of your sadness!!! Why make your child feel like she isn't enough?! Although I did end up having a second child when DS was six, I honestly regret letting him see any of our struggle or disappointment. He once said, "You will be happy with a different boy, Mom - don't worry." |
Anonymous
Wow, what a horrible comment. Did you miss where OP mentioned that she had infertility??? It's not just because the daughter wants a sibling, the Mom wanted another baby as well. Some people are so horrible on here...... |
Anonymous
Exxxxactly. One child is very rewarding - very streamlined and you will have plenty of $ and space to treat her friends to come along whenever you want. This month we are taking DS and his friend on vacation - including plane fare. Last month we said good-bye to our european exchange student. DS had an exotic brother for a year, and now he has a friend for life in europe. |
Anonymous
| I was an only child who wanted a sibling--and my parents just didn't want to have more kids. I think I was around seven when they let me pick out and bring home a kitten. Nothing was said explicitly about not having a sibling or anything, but having this little creature that was "mine" was truly a wonderful thing. You might consider it, if you don't have pets already. |
Anonymous
...and her sadness is legitimate. The five year old wants a playmate and has no concept of infertility. Take the other pp's advice-get her a cat. |