Sometimes I need a pat on the back

[Anonymous]

I've been a single parent since my son was born pretty much - went through infancy, terrible 2's, terrible 3's, now the snarky 4's. Single parenting is still lonely for me - sometimes I just need a pat on the back and to hear that I'm doing an ok job. I have extended family but they're not supportive in the least. I know "I made this bed so I have to sleep in it" but still - on those days when my 4 year old flips out, says "I hate you", and challenges everything I say or do....it would be nice to hear "You're doing the best you can do". Just wondering if any other single moms feel this way.

[Anonymous]

Well, here is a pat on the back from me.

DH and I only have each other, both our famillies being on the other side of the Atlantic. But I cannot imagine the inner resources I would have to come up with if I were a single mother without help! Your child loves you and is/will be grateful, even if sometimes he does not act like it.

Keep up the good work!

[Anonymous]

Take the compliments that are sometimes given anonymously on DCUM, like the one above. I am especially moved by the posters who show gratitude for the way their own single mothers raised them. They seem to have been aware as children of how hard it was for their mothers and what a good job they were doing in the face of difficult circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Well, here's a big pat on the back for you and all the single moms. I don't know how you do it all. My DH helps out, but at the end of day, we are both exhausted. I cannot imagine doing it alone. What you are doing is incredible and know that it's hard because it's probably one of the most important thing you will accomplish in your life. Your little boy is lucky to have you and he will appreciate it when he is older. By the way, like you we have extended family, but they are no help at all. Just hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PPs to accept recognition wherever you find it. You are doing a good job!

[Anonymous]

You are doing an AMAZING job. Keeping everything glued together and everyone healthy, safe, and reasonably happy is a herculean effort when you are the only grownup in the house.

[Anonymous]

You deserve more praise than you get. Being a single mother is hard.

Sometimes no one will be there to let you know how well you're doing. That's why you have to learn to really believe that your own opinion on the matter is the right one.

I felt very underappreciated by everyone around me for a long time. It turns out that some of my friends didn't want to say what an amazing job they thought I was doing because they thought I would think that they were being patronizing, or that they were insensitively pointing out that I didn't have a husband.

As for parents and extended family...let's just say that being better than them is always a good goal for us gals to work toward.

Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

pat. on. back.

[Anonymous]

I am a single mom too, OP. I so understand what you are saying. The family thing is so upsetting to me sometimes. This feeling from my happily married sisters that this was my doing for marrying the man who everyone told me not to marry, and so as a result basically everything henceforth is my own doing. Never mind the fact that it is hard, that it is terribly hard.

Big hug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You deserve more praise than you get. Being a single mother is hard.

Sometimes no one will be there to let you know how well you're doing. That's why you have to learn to really believe that your own opinion on the matter is the right one.

I felt very underappreciated by everyone around me for a long time. It turns out that some of my friends didn't want to say what an amazing job they thought I was doing because they thought I would think that they were being patronizing, or that they were insensitively pointing out that I didn't have a husband.

As for parents and extended family...let's just say that being better than them is always a good goal for us gals to work toward.

Hang in there.

OP here - thanks for all of the pats on the back. And PP, you're right - it's also about being confident enough to know when to stay the course on a decision - when to set limits, when to cut some slack and so on, and being confident that I am making the right decisions regarding my son without input from someone who is equally invested in making the right decision. And being confident enough to know without a doubt that the "I hate yous" and "You're stupid" comments are just his way of saying he's angry and nothing more.

Thanks again to all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a single mom too, OP. I so understand what you are saying. The family thing is so upsetting to me sometimes. This feeling from my happily married sisters that this was my doing for marrying the man who everyone told me not to marry, and so as a result basically everything henceforth is my own doing. Never mind the fact that it is hard, that it is terribly hard.

Big hug.

Thanks PP - a big hug back. One of my extended family members who is married actually said to me that single parenting is no different from what she went through because her husband wasn't involved in child care at all, he just worked. She also had an au pair. At first those kinds of comments got me down and I wondered if I was just not cutting it as a mom, period. But I know the best thing to do is ignore those comments and know that it's really hard to know how hard it is until you live it.

Lately I am working on accepting being a "good enough" mom. Some days are harder than others but those days will pass.

[Anonymous]

*pat* *pat* *pat*