Should I tell my employer that my mother died?

[Anonymous]

This is just a weekend employer and she has been away for three weeks. During that three weeks, my mother passed away after a long battle with Alzheimer's, My Mom's passing was a blessing and I am so grateful she died peacefully before the disease took more away from her.

I don't particularly like his employer but I also think it might be a little hostile to wait until she finds out from someone else or asks me how my mother is in a few weeks and then I tell her she's dead. This is the type of employer who thinks we are family (so not true) and that she is a wonderful boss (not true either but she is also not a bad boss). What would you do? My mother's death will not affect my job in any way until my Mom's memorial service at the end of September when I won't be available to work that one weekend.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I would let your boss know.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Just say that your mom passed and you'll need time at the end of Sept for her memorial.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you put in now to take off the weekend of the memorial? Kill two birds with one stone.

(It sounds like a very passive-aggressive relationship. Unless you're a passive-aggressive person, you should get a different job.)

[Anonymous]

I think you should tell her now. Or as soon as she gets back. You don't want to put her in an uncomfortable position - at least not until you find another job.

So sorry about your Mom - Alzheimer's is a terrible disease to witness.

[Anonymous]

yes, absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Can't you just put in your time off request now w/o telling your mom's passing? These things are so very personal, I wouldn't but I guess everyone's different.

[Anonymous]

I would tell your boss. Sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

The people who want to feel like "family" when you're not have to be fed something. Feed her the info that is of no consequence. If you wouldn't be upset to tell her, do so. That way she feels connected and close to you, while you haven't revealed anything that actually makes you vulnerable.

I have a manipulative, back-stabbing colleague who wants/needs to feel like she's mentoring me. I feed her the non-consequential personal tidbits of my life to make her feel good about our relationship. I keep all my work & strategy private so she can't sabotage me.