Big plans quickly always a bad sign?
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Anonymous
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Coworker and I went out after work over the weekend, met some cute guys. Been texting with one and he suggested a fun date and then also commented he would like to go camping and said we should go. He hasn' been in awhile.
My abusive ex made long term plans quickly. And I went out on a date 6 mo ago with a guy who made long term plans quickly without knowing me. The date got very weird, controlling, so I never saw him again. I got a little freaked out by this guy mentioning we should go camping. Are big plans very quickly always a sign of a bad relationship? |
Anonymous
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I do think big plans could be an issue. But i'm talking more about planning to get married or moving in together after a couple dates.
I don't necessarily think camping is a huge deal because camping doesn't have to be romantic, but I wouldn't go alone with him this early. Just tell him, "Sure! let me know when and I'll invite some friends along". |
Anonymous
| I don't think big plans soon are a bad idea. But camping would give me pause. All alone in the woods with someone I barely know. Plus no makeup and potentially no shower... |
Anonymous
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I think it depends on how the camping idea came up. What was the other date he suggested? It's entirely possible that he was just thinking about going camping because he hadn't been in a while and it's (supposedly) a nice time of year for it. If you're not comfortable going, you can suggest other options without turning the camping idea down specifically. For example, you could mention that it's supposed to get hot and muggy again soon and you'd rather postpone a trip to the woods until the fall when when mosquitoes won't be so out of control. That would be my response anyway - even if we'd been together a long time.
I don't think that "big plans" are necessarily a bad sign every time, but it really depends on the context. |
Anonymous
Camping is a situation where you are guaranteed to have sex. It speaks more to him wanting to have sex with you right out of the gate than wanting something serious too quickly. |
Anonymous
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I would only go if it was a group excursion.
And if there are hot showers and toilets that flush. And a ranger nearby. Remember the Blair Witch Project??! |
Anonymous
| Could be innocent, but trust your gut. |
Anonymous
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Pretty much, yeah. You haven't even been on a date yet.
Dinner next. Then maybe a short excursion. Camping after a few weeks, maybe. Not just after meeting & texting. Boundaries. |
Anonymous
| Relax. Could be harmless nervous talk. Could be feeling you out for common likes. Take each person as they come. |
Anonymous
| Not always. When I first started dating my husband, we lived in Boston and he had to "run an errand in New Hampshire." He asked if I wanted to go with him. We wound up spending the entire day together - like 15 hours or something. I had fun. |
Anonymous
+1. Camping after a few months, maybe. I say that as a guy. No way I would ask a women I've just met to go camping. |
Anonymous
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OP, read "The Gift of Fear". It's all about learning to trust your inner voice (gut) when things feel off. Women talk themselves out of this all the time in the name of "being nice".
If it sets off alarm bells, listen to them. You can choose to get to know him better, but it's also ok to call him out. "Whoa, camping, how about we meet up for dinner first?" If he freaks out about that, RUN FOR THE HILLS. |
Anonymous
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I agree with pp; camping is a fairly close situation. Not something you do alone with just anyone.
That said, it depends on his personality and maybe this type of spontaneity or big invite is his thing. Also, camping can be a true colors type experience and him wanting to see if you're still a good fit in those circumstances could be the case. If he's an avid outdoorsman it would be fair for him to see if you enjoy those things. I still think it's weird & think you should listen to your gut. In my experience big plans right away has been a major red flag. Of course I learned this after the fact, but now I look out for that. |
Anonymous
| Do not go camping with someone you just met, OP. |
Anonymous
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Discussing ideas and that kind of thing--maybe it's ok.
Actually going camping with someone so quickly--inadvisable. It's a flag (maybe yellow, maybe red) that when someone projects so much about you that they think they know you and want to do x, y or z. It's to be watched carefully. Calm down and step back to reasonable conversations. If that person doesn't mirror you and still pushes, bad sign. |