Husband "doesn't believe in savings"
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Anonymous
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Can someone recommend a financial counselor or course we could take? I've bought books for him to read, but he hasn't read them. We've talked ad nauseam about the importance of saving money and how to go about doing it, but nothing seems to click. I need an intervention! TIA.
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Anonymous
| Same here! I transfer a portion of his paycheck into savings each payday. And I got him to contribute a little more to his 401k with each raise but he won't max out. |
Anonymous
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Does he actively not believe in it? Or is he just lazy and wants to spend his money in the present?
If the former, I find that fascinating. |
Anonymous
| How old is he? |
Anonymous
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The only person I know like this had a father who died really young, so somewhere deep in his brain my friend didn't think he would ever live long enough to need savings. So he just didn't save. Ended up going to therapy for another reason, and worked this issue out too - the thinking he was going to die too young. Side effect: he started saving.
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Anonymous
| First pp here and mine is 32. He was in a mess of debt when we got married. |
Anonymous
There's your mistake... Not too late to divorce... |
Anonymous
?? |
Anonymous
| This is a precursor for an issue that will last life-long. Get it fixed whatever it takes. It will take toll on your marriage eventually. |
Anonymous
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What's his family background? My husband came from poverty and didn't believe in saving. There was no point - if you saved, it just meant the electric bill would go up and you'd have to put the money towards that. But if you didn't, it meant maybe you got that new radio you wanted, and when the electric bill went up, well you paid some of it and figured out the rest later.
So instead of just "savings" I set up savings accounts towards particular things. He wanted something that we really couldn't afford but which was affordable with savings in 4-6 months. Each pay check I put aside the amount towards the item in a separate account. Fortunately, I'd already gotten our bills under control so we didn't have an unexpected car insurance bill come due, and in 4 months we had the money. I sat him down and showed him the regular transfers. He was astonished and thrilled that he got to get this thing he'd just assumed he'd never be able to afford. Fortunately, we were young and so things that cost $200 seemed impossibly expensive to him but were within the realm of saving for over a relatively short period of time. From there it just built. We kept saving towards things he wanted, as well as putting matching amounts in an account for our emergency savings. And then for retirement. And so on. Even after we'd successfully saved towards some items he wanted, he was skeptical about how long term savings and retirement would work out. It took a few years before he started to see how little bits of money really did add up over time. Maybe your husband has something he wants that's slightly outside your budget that some short-term savings would work for? |
Anonymous
| He needs to understand that not maxing the 401k is truly like giving away money to the government. |
Anonymous
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OP here. I keep trying to post, but DCUM keeps freezing up on me and giving me the circle of death. So frustrating.
Anyway, DH is 40, and just doesn't understand how to create wealth. He grew up with no money and doesn't see the point of a savings account. You get money, you spend it, right? He finally created a 401k last year after years of harping from me. My attitude is to save the money the day you get paid- if it's not in the checking account, it doesn't exist. He believes in saving money at the end of the month (if there is any left), but in reality, there is nothing left at the end of the month because he spends it all. The final straw was last night, when an Allen Edmonds box hit the doorstep and I nearly killed him. Our baby has pretty intense medical needs and expenses and he has no excuse for buying $300 shoes right now. I do all the grocery shopping etc and he doesn't seem to get that all my Target purchases aren't frivolous- they're diapers and formula, ffs. We have a decent HHI of $190k and there is zero excuse to have no savings (except what I save behind his back- I have accounts for myself and both kids, none of which are in his name). He was unemployed for 8 months last year, and he doesn't seem to understand that the only reason we survived financially was because I had a decently robust savings account to draw on. He just doesn't think that way, I suppose. With our child's medical needs + our older children and nanny costs + his student loans + mortgage, we're cutting it close every month and he's not helping out the efforts by spending frivolously. (before you suggest it, there is no cheaper child-care option- the baby's immune system is weak and can't go to daycare) We need to talk to someone who can talk some sense into him- he's open to listening and learning, just not from me, apparently. Should we start with the company that runs my 401k, or the bank, or are there individuals who do financial planning? |
Anonymous
+1. DHs parents died very young. He doesn't think he'll live past 60. He doesn't save. We live off of his paycheck and bank mine. That's our savings/retirement account. |
Anonymous
| Not sure you need a financial counselor. Maybe a marriage counselor? |
Anonymous
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There are people who do financial planning. Do you have an accountant for your taxes? Maybe they could recommend someone.
Perhaps give a general location and people might be able to recommend someone? |