Losing my mind- Sleep issues with 2.5 year old

[Anonymous]

My kid was an exceptionally terrible sleeper as an infant. Sometime around 18 months he finally started sleeping through the night. We switched him to a toddler bed at 2 because he was climbing in and out of the crib like some sort of little monkey. He slept great in his new bed until the month he turned 2.5- doing 12-13 hour stretches. When he was 2.5 he got a stomach bug twice in one month and threw up both times all night, and after that, everything went downhill. His napping has been all over the place since he turned 2 but at least we could count on the night sleep. Now it's awful, he wakes up between 6-6:30am and I put on the TV so I can at least get an hour more rest before my youngest wakes up. He refuses naps, he will not do quiet time unless he gets some video to watch in bed. I've tried locking him in his room but he will just stand and bang on the door and little brother next door will wake up. I hate that I have to resort to letting him watch almost 3 hours of iPad videos but I don't know what else to do. He goes to bed around 7-7:30pm. I tried putting him to bed earlier but he will not stay in bed and runs around the house and I have to do bedtime with my youngest as well so I can't have him running around the house unsupervised or yelling for me to come and play toys 30 times in a row. He wakes up at 11pm, midnight, 1am, and 3am. By 3am I have to threaten to basically never let him have fun again if he doesn't stop waking up and yelling for me. It's always something- monsters in the room, or he needs to pee or he has already peed and I need to change the sheets, or he needs more water, etc. We got a night light, potty is right next to his bed, he refuses to wear pull ups because he's been day trained for almost a year, he has a bottle of water on his nightstand. I made a monster spray for him to spray for monsters. He has a sound machine and the room is nice and cool, blackout curtains are down. We have the same bedtime routine - bubble bath, teeth brushing, books, and his bottle of water. I am sure that he needs some sort of a nap because if I put him in the car around 1pm, he will sleep in the car for 2 hours. But than he won't go to bed until 10pm. He also becomes awful in the afternoon - crying and yawning and doesn't want to do anything. I have to take care of little brother too so I'm probably getting around 4-5 hours of sleep max per night and it's wearing me down as well.
Any advice? Im not sure what else I could do.

[Anonymous]

OP here- forgot to add. He gets plenty of outdoor time to get his energy out. We are at the park or on play dates or do activities every single day. Diet is also somewhat okay- he's a pretty picky eater but I can generally get a decent lunch into him. He loves candy but I try to limit processed sugar.

[Anonymous]

You mention a younger child - how old? Seems to me that your issue is not actually a sleep problem, but more just your son dealing with a big change with a new baby in the house and dealing with anxiety as a result. Lots of threads on this around DCUM on how best to cope; I have no advice there but wanted to suggest perhaps it's not a sleep issue per se.

[Anonymous]

Oh my. I hate to say this, but grow some balls. There are no monsters, stop feeding into it with a spray bottle. Put him in bed and lock the door. Do not go back in until morning. Let him cry, let him bang, let him scream. Until he gets it together, the younger one sleeps in your room. It will last a couple days to a week and he will get it. He is manipulating you and you are falling for it. He doesn't need a hug, to be covered, etc at night. Same goes for nap time. Praise him when he wakes up.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to rethink things. 6:30a is a reasonable time for a child to wake up, especially one that has been asleep since 7pm and still naps. By putting on the tv immediately you're sending him the message that he'll get tv if he wakes up early and my guess is it'll just get earlier if you don't nip it in the bud. You need to go to sleep earlier so you can get up with your 2.5 year old. That's a perfect time to have some "one on one" time with him, which may positively affect behavior in the long run. I agree to stop with the monster spray. You're essentially affirming to him that there are monsters out there and he should be afraid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You mention a younger child - how old? Seems to me that your issue is not actually a sleep problem, but more just your son dealing with a big change with a new baby in the house and dealing with anxiety as a result. Lots of threads on this around DCUM on how best to cope; I have no advice there but wanted to suggest perhaps it's not a sleep issue per se.

Younger son is 16 months. He still wakes up occasionally at night for a boob but is generally a decent sleeper and a fantastic napper. Always been like that. He's very easygoing, very opposite from my oldest, who has always been very high energy and lots of big emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my. I hate to say this, but grow some balls. There are no monsters, stop feeding into it with a spray bottle. Put him in bed and lock the door. Do not go back in until morning. Let him cry, let him bang, let him scream. Until he gets it together, the younger one sleeps in your room. It will last a couple days to a week and he will get it. He is manipulating you and you are falling for it. He doesn't need a hug, to be covered, etc at night. Same goes for nap time. Praise him when he wakes up.

This is terrible advice. He isn't manipulating you. He's 2.5 and doesn't know how to do that. What he does know is that he wants Mama and will try whatever has worked in the past to get it. That's all he's capable of doing, and it's normal. I would set up your rules/routine and expectations and talk to him about them. And then follow them. Don't lock him in his room until morning - he's 2 years old! How terrifying for a child to be locked in his room and not get to a parent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh my. I hate to say this, but grow some balls. There are no monsters, stop feeding into it with a spray bottle. Put him in bed and lock the door. Do not go back in until morning. Let him cry, let him bang, let him scream. Until he gets it together, the younger one sleeps in your room. It will last a couple days to a week and he will get it. He is manipulating you and you are falling for it. He doesn't need a hug, to be covered, etc at night. Same goes for nap time. Praise him when he wakes up.

This is terrible advice. He isn't manipulating you. He's 2.5 and doesn't know how to do that. What he does know is that he wants Mama and will try whatever has worked in the past to get it. That's all he's capable of doing, and it's normal. I would set up your rules/routine and expectations and talk to him about them. And then follow them. Don't lock him in his room until morning - he's 2 years old! How terrifying for a child to be locked in his room and not get to a parent!

Get to his parents to spray monster be gone at 3am?!? Umm no

[Anonymous]

I agree that 6:30 is reasonable, and that you need to stop playing into all his stalling tactics (monster spray? Really?)

Do his bedtime routine, put him in a pull-up (who is in charge, you or him? Pull-ups at night at his age are totally normal) and put him in bed. Do not engage with him after that unless it's to silently walk him back to bed.

You've given him so much leniency - now he knows he can wake up all night and you'll come running. You need to decide if you're ready to set the rules again, and when you do - stick to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to rethink things. 6:30a is a reasonable time for a child to wake up, especially one that has been asleep since 7pm and still naps. By putting on the tv immediately you're sending him the message that he'll get tv if he wakes up early and my guess is it'll just get earlier if you don't nip it in the bud. You need to go to sleep earlier so you can get up with your 2.5 year old. That's a perfect time to have some "one on one" time with him, which may positively affect behavior in the long run. I agree to stop with the monster spray. You're essentially affirming to him that there are monsters out there and he should be afraid.

He doesn't nap. Younger brother naps and I do quiet time with my oldest, which is basically me passed out in bed with my oldest while he watches something on the iPad. I try to go to bed at a reasonable hour. I generally do most of my chores in the evening and have dinner with my husband so I'm in bed by 9:30-10pm at the latest. Than up again every hour or so until 3am or 4am on the rare occasion my 16 month old needs a boob. The problem is that once I'm up, by the time I fall back asleep, I have to get up again. I'll definitely nix the monster spray.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to rethink things. 6:30a is a reasonable time for a child to wake up, especially one that has been asleep since 7pm and still naps. By putting on the tv immediately you're sending him the message that he'll get tv if he wakes up early and my guess is it'll just get earlier if you don't nip it in the bud. You need to go to sleep earlier so you can get up with your 2.5 year old. That's a perfect time to have some "one on one" time with him, which may positively affect behavior in the long run. I agree to stop with the monster spray. You're essentially affirming to him that there are monsters out there and he should be afraid.

+1
I was just about to write the same thing. Waking up at 630 might seem horribly early to you, but if your DS goes to bed at 7/730 that's a good 11 hrs of sleep which is in the range of normal.

I know it sucks to get up at 630 (which relatively speaking isn't that bad), so embrace it and do stuff with him instead of plopping him in front of a screen. How about doing a puzzle together, or reading, or if you want to be lazy, have him color, buy him a cool sticker book or magnadoodle or something. I'm sure he would love the 1 on 1 attention from you.

Also, go easy on the water sippy up on his night stand. He might legitimately have to wake up 3x/night for peeing. Have you tried putting ice cubes in there instead as a way to limit, yet still have, water available?

I would save the screen time for quiet time. Encourage him to play independently for quiet time, but at 2.5 yr old don't be surprised if that doesn't work out too well. Not all kids do or can. Nothing wrong with an episode of PJ Masks for quiet time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my. I hate to say this, but grow some balls. There are no monsters, stop feeding into it with a spray bottle. Put him in bed and lock the door. Do not go back in until morning. Let him cry, let him bang, let him scream. Until he gets it together, the younger one sleeps in your room. It will last a couple days to a week and he will get it. He is manipulating you and you are falling for it. He doesn't need a hug, to be covered, etc at night. Same goes for nap time. Praise him when he wakes up.

I can't put younger one in my room because a) he sleeps great in his own bed and won't want to sleep on our bed, plus it's not safe, we have a pretty high bed. B) our rooms are all together on the 2nd floor and you'd be able to hear my oldesthollering outside, he's that loud. Also, I am not locking him in his room again. Did it once and he got so upset he was almost hyperventilating, he said that he thought I had left him behind and that it made him "so sad". It broke my heart. There's got to be a better way. He's generally a great kid aside from the sleeping issue.

[Anonymous]

I have no advice just sympathy ... I don't know how you parents with bad sleepers do it. No judgement I just freaking feel bad for her. Both my kids are amazing sleepers. Have been since birth.

We did have one instance where my older one went through a sleep regression (right around 2 years old). Thankfully she was still in her crib and couldn't get out. I would go in once when she cried out initially to make sure she didn't poop herself or have a fever and then that was it. She could cry the rest of the night if she wanted to. I refused to go in again. She got over it within a week. Went right back to sleeping 12 hours at night straight.

I do think 2 year olds can be manipulative though. I know mine can. She stalls at night all the time. "mommy I need a band aid, I need this stuffed animal, that stuff animal, my slippers" etc. I usually comply to a few things then I just say thats enough I love you and goodnight. I stay firm.

I also have a younger kid who sleeps right down the hall from the older kid and she never woke up when the older one went through her screaming fits. Sound machine, fan and closed the door to both kids rooms.

Good luck! Stay firm!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to rethink things. 6:30a is a reasonable time for a child to wake up, especially one that has been asleep since 7pm and still naps. By putting on the tv immediately you're sending him the message that he'll get tv if he wakes up early and my guess is it'll just get earlier if you don't nip it in the bud. You need to go to sleep earlier so you can get up with your 2.5 year old. That's a perfect time to have some "one on one" time with him, which may positively affect behavior in the long run. I agree to stop with the monster spray. You're essentially affirming to him that there are monsters out there and he should be afraid.

+1
I was just about to write the same thing. Waking up at 630 might seem horribly early to you, but if your DS goes to bed at 7/730 that's a good 11 hrs of sleep which is in the range of normal.

I know it sucks to get up at 630 (which relatively speaking isn't that bad), so embrace it and do stuff with him instead of plopping him in front of a screen. How about doing a puzzle together, or reading, or if you want to be lazy, have him color, buy him a cool sticker book or magnadoodle or something. I'm sure he would love the 1 on 1 attention from you.

Also, go easy on the water sippy up on his night stand. He might legitimately have to wake up 3x/night for peeing. Have you tried putting ice cubes in there instead as a way to limit, yet still have, water available?

I would save the screen time for quiet time. Encourage him to play independently for quiet time, but at 2.5 yr old don't be surprised if that doesn't work out too well. Not all kids do or can. Nothing wrong with an episode of PJ Masks for quiet time.

I would love it if he actually slept 11 hours. He wakes up almost every hour between 11pm and 3am. That doesn't seem like good quality sleep to me. I don't mind the 6:30 wake up either but I'm exhausted with the wakeups at night. I go to bed by 9:30-10 because I also have to clean up and get dinner on the table and with the wakeups, I'm only sleeping straight through from 3-6:30am so even that extra hour until 7:30 before my youngest wakes up is a godsend. We do stuff together all day long- park, art activities, make cookies, go on nature walks, visit museums, etc. I try to structure our day like a preschool where we do an outside activity in the AM, come back for lunch and naps/quiet time, and than we are outside playing.
I will try the ice cubes. I feel like maybe the water might be an issue and a big sleep crutch, he's always fallen asleep with a bottle of water and I think he does need to pee because he's drinking so much water. I gotta figure out how to break that habit.

[Anonymous]

If he wants the water, he wears a pull up. After enough dry pull ups in the morning, he can wear undies again. I'd be firm on that one. Put less water in the bottle, like only 2-3 ozs. My DD (almost 3) is also big on drinking water, but I had to help her make the connection between drinking a lot of it before bed and having to pee at night.

But yes, I think you need to be prepared for some middle of the night tantrums to get over this stuff. Maybe come up with a line you can use "Jimmy, it's time to sleep" and put him back in bed. Don't say anything else to him at night. That way, he knows you are there to respond to him, but also that you won't be discussing monsters with him at 3am.

Where is your DH? Does he help? Sending him in might get a different response. He should also be helping with the evening chores so you can get to bed and sleep some while you all figure this out.