Donating FE for adoption?

[Anonymous]

Dh and I are trying to make some final decisions on what to do with our 11 FE. We had 4 IVF cycles and 3 babies for that effort which is wonderful. We are now trying to decide what to do next.

I am not enthusiastic about the donate to research option as my believes, while tempered and complicated, have always leaned more to the pro-life argument as I have never justified another 'time' when you could argue life began.

I am considering donating the FE for adoption - though that seems a bit unsettling also. I know many couples would rather the separate egg / sperm donar so that at least one parent can be 'biological'. Not sure what charactoristics people look for but DH and I are both pretty average looking, no health hx in familes, and have above average inteligence ( MD / PhD).... so while not Havard students who model in their free time I would think we would fit someones list for an OK match.

One concern is my age - I was 33, 35 and 37 for my cycles with FE. This might be problematic for some people, I guess.

We are also considering going for #4....while I would welsome another child - I do hate the thought of another cycle and pregnancy. My first IVF resulted in pregnancy also but I was not able to carry to full term and I have been on relative or complete bed rest for other pregnancies.


Does anyone else struggle w/ this decision? Would my age or other factors concern possible egg adoptionees?

[Anonymous]

BTDT. I don't think my experiences would help you though b/c, in the end, the decision is so highly personal. What helped to make the decision though was talking it through in complete honesty with my DH as well as with the counselor at the IVF facility (most places have a therapist of some kind connected to the office who can help you clarify these decisions non-judgmentally -- check with your doctor -- these visits are usually covered by insurance). And your doctor should be able to tell you which/how many of your FEs even qualify for donation.

Since this is an absolute decision, I wouldn't do anything until you achieve consensus and resolution in a way that gives you peace, IMHO.

Best wishes and congrats on such a successful IVF journey.

[Anonymous]

This is your and DH's decision. You also may want to consult an attorney. The law is not settled on FE adoption; not certain if that child could claim inheritance. What would you do if one of your children needs a kidney, and the other two are not matches ... but maybe one of the adopted FE's could be? Vice-versa?

[Anonymous]

Hey OP. I know exactly what you are going through. While I don't have 11 FE, I do have 3. I got preggers on my first attempt at IVF. They transfered two embryos, one took and resulted in a healthy baby boy. I have often wondered where that second "baby" is because with my religion and my deep belief of a baby is a baby from the second the sperm hits the egg, I have grieved for that child. We are in the middle of going for an FET in October and will again transfer two embryos in which if one or both take, leave us with one left over. This has been a constant struggle with me. I could never dispose of an embryo nor could I give it up for adoption. At some point in my life, I will need to find peace with myself over this if our first attempt at the FET works. I will need to ask for forgiveness from a much higher being. I am sorry that I have no words of wisdom for you, but I want you to know that you are not alone.