Need advice on how to handle this situation - MIL seeking surgery

[Anonymous]

My mother-in-law has a herniated disk. She's otherwise healthy and active, in her fifties, and can walk/stoop/lift etc. She has some pain "putting on her socks and shoes" so doesn't think she could even do physical therapy or yoga.

I'm furious at the doctor she's consulted for not even recommending more conservative treatment first. This same doctor has performed four (!) back surgeries on my FIL which has made him home bound and addicted to opiates. Obviously there's a bunch of underlying dysfunction, but how can I convince my MIL to attempt other treatments first, or at least to get a second opinion? This is really stressing my DH out, as we would be responsible for them financially and otherwise should something go wrong with her surgery. Please help.

[Anonymous]

Can you ask your MIL to get a second opinion, and have the names of several doctors READY for her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you ask your MIL to get a second opinion, and have the names of several doctors READY for her?

Great idea. I'll do this.

[Anonymous]

Second opinion. I had surgery for a herniated disk after severe pain and numbness. Years later I had an MRI that showed oosibly more issues. My surgeon said that he is absolutelyy not cutting unless I'm in serious pain. And sent me to PT. Physical therapy first. They can really do a lot if you work at it.

[Anonymous]

My mother was just like this. Doctor is god and she lets whatever brains she has go right out the door in an appt. She rushed into a hip replacement with an orthopedic surgeon and had a terrible result--she ended up with a horrible limp. So what did she do after that? Had the other hip and a knee replaced by the same guy. She is no longer able to walk as a result of terribly neuropathy and is absolutely mystified as to its origin. She still thinks that the doctor is a "good doctor" and goes to see him. She won't listen to anything regarding physical therapy or physical activity.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine her insurance pre-authorizing surgery with no documentation of trying conservative outpatient treatments.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL is still pretty young and has seen what your FIL has gone through first hand. Back pain is awful, maybe she has been trying other things and feels like surgery is her best hope for relieving her discomfort. Unless you've actually lived with chronic pain, you have no clue.

People don't opt to get their hips, knees replaced and their backs operated on for the fun of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL is still pretty young and has seen what your FIL has gone through first hand. Back pain is awful, maybe she has been trying other things and feels like surgery is her best hope for relieving her discomfort. Unless you've actually lived with chronic pain, you have no clue.

People don't opt to get their hips, knees replaced and their backs operated on for the fun of it.

But that's the thing - she hasn't tried other things. I don't doubt that she has some pain, but she's not doing physical therapy, hasn't been to a chiropractor, hasn't done yoga, and isn't on pain medication. She's looking at surgery as the least time consuming option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL is still pretty young and has seen what your FIL has gone through first hand. Back pain is awful, maybe she has been trying other things and feels like surgery is her best hope for relieving her discomfort. Unless you've actually lived with chronic pain, you have no clue.

People don't opt to get their hips, knees replaced and their backs operated on for the fun of it.

Many people do opt for surgery thinking it is the quick fix compared to an extended period of PT and exercise. For the same reason, many opt for medications for cholesterol, high blood pressure, etc., over diet modification and exercise.

And these people are particularly susceptible to advice from a surgeon, who is highly likely to recommend surgery as the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL is still pretty young and has seen what your FIL has gone through first hand. Back pain is awful, maybe she has been trying other things and feels like surgery is her best hope for relieving her discomfort. Unless you've actually lived with chronic pain, you have no clue.

People don't opt to get their hips, knees replaced and their backs operated on for the fun of it.

But that's the thing - she hasn't tried other things. I don't doubt that she has some pain, but she's not doing physical therapy, hasn't been to a chiropractor, hasn't done yoga, and isn't on pain medication. She's looking at surgery as the least time consuming option.

Then gather up the information on these alternative treatments and share it with her. She is the one dealing with being in chronic (and probably near constant) pain. That kind of pain wears you down. Something like yoga probably sounds like it only add to her pain....who can blame her for just wanting to make the pain go away?

Put yourself in her shoes, realize how worn down she is probably feeling and approach her gently about these alternative treatments - which may or not be effective for her.

[Anonymous]

The sad thing is, that some of the folks complaining about a 50 something wanting surgery to ease their back pain, would be among the first in line if a surgeon was giving out free tummy tucks. Why is that?

[Anonymous]

I've had 2 back surgeries (in my early 30s) with no PT (wouldn't have helped me) and insurance approved them without question. I'm not saying your mother-in-law would not benefit from physical therapy, but it's not a fix for everyone.

The absolute last thing I would have done/will do is see a chiropractor - depending on her pain triggers, being contorted by a chiropractor is a nightmare idea for some of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL is still pretty young and has seen what your FIL has gone through first hand. Back pain is awful, maybe she has been trying other things and feels like surgery is her best hope for relieving her discomfort. Unless you've actually lived with chronic pain, you have no clue.

People don't opt to get their hips, knees replaced and their backs operated on for the fun of it.

Many people do opt for surgery thinking it is the quick fix compared to an extended period of PT and exercise. For the same reason, many opt for medications for cholesterol, high blood pressure, etc., over diet modification and exercise.

And these people are particularly susceptible to advice from a surgeon, who is highly likely to recommend surgery as the answer.

And some people have a genetic predisposition to get high blood pressure. Exercise and eating right will only do so much for them and they have no choice but to go on HBP meds. It is not a failure to go on those meds any more than it is a failure to have to get chemo to treat cancer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL is still pretty young and has seen what your FIL has gone through first hand. Back pain is awful, maybe she has been trying other things and feels like surgery is her best hope for relieving her discomfort. Unless you've actually lived with chronic pain, you have no clue.

People don't opt to get their hips, knees replaced and their backs operated on for the fun of it.

But that's the thing - she hasn't tried other things. I don't doubt that she has some pain, but she's not doing physical therapy, hasn't been to a chiropractor, hasn't done yoga, and isn't on pain medication. She's looking at surgery as the least time consuming option.

Definitely get her to see a second physician, but I don't blame her one bit for not trying yoga or chiropractors. I wouldn't either. Pick your battles: if she's not into alternative treatments, don't waste your time trying to convince her to try them. Focus on a second opinion from a good ortho. And if surgery is recommended, don't hassle her further.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL is still pretty young and has seen what your FIL has gone through first hand. Back pain is awful, maybe she has been trying other things and feels like surgery is her best hope for relieving her discomfort. Unless you've actually lived with chronic pain, you have no clue.

People don't opt to get their hips, knees replaced and their backs operated on for the fun of it.

But that's the thing - she hasn't tried other things. I don't doubt that she has some pain, but she's not doing physical therapy, hasn't been to a chiropractor, hasn't done yoga, and isn't on pain medication. She's looking at surgery as the least time consuming option.

What about considering the risk of death? Would she consider death to be time consuming?

Chiropractors vary a lot. Research them first. Try to find one who isn't religious. They tend to be the evidence-based ones who will only do things that have been shown in other patients/studies to be beneficial.