8 year old out in the neighborhood - help me with rules, please.

[Anonymous]

8 seems like a reasonable age to go out and play in the neighborhood without supervision for pockets of time. What are some good rules? I am thinking:

1. He hasto ask the parent to call anytime he goes to a new house.
2. If he's just outside, he needs to check in every 30 minutes, either physically or by using someone's phone to call.
3. He cannot leave our neighborhood (all cul de sacs but off of a main road)
4. No bike riding to someone's house until I feel comfortable that he has good bike safety and also has the strength to bike uphill (not fully the case now).

Those of you who have experience, how do you structure this? What rules am I missing?

[Anonymous]

Odd post

[Anonymous]

Rule 1 is good.
Rule 2 implies your child should get to use someone else's phone. Not cool. Get him a phone or make a new rule.
Rule 3 is probably fine - can't tell if it's vague
Rule 4 makes no sense. Don't know what it means

Our rules were always no going into anyone else's house and a set of physical boundaries. I didn't care about the check in. If you need it, fine. But if I knew where they were, I could find them.

You might want to get your kids an alarm watch if they don't have a phone so they know when to come here me. Also, I found early on that it was better to tell them when they had to leave rather Than when to be home. Once they got good at leaving, then We worked on the concept of how to figure out when to leave to get home on time.

[Anonymous]

30 minutes is going to be unreasonable. It will be pretty hard for him to remember to stop playing and check in, especially if the kids are playing outside and he has to go inside and ask to use the parents' phone.

I agree with bike safety rules but don't really get why he can't walk his bike up a hill if the hill is too hard.

I think calling before switching houses might be too restrictive. What if he's at a friend's house and they want to go to the neighbor's yard. Or two yards down? 3? I wouldn't expect a kid of 8 to be able to make that judgment call, and it's a lot of pressure to put on a kid to stop and go use a parent's phone when everyone else goes next door to play. Maybe he has to call before going to a different street or something more general than calling when changing houses.

Or get a cheap phone so he can text quick updates if you think he's responsible enough, but kids play hard and phones break or get lost.

I'd also talk about water/pool rules and be strict with those.

[Anonymous]

Rule #1 for parent - do not send child over to others houses looking for free babysitting because you are too lazy to host or supervise your child. It is very annoying to get a child knocking to play who doesn't take no for an answer. It puts parents in an uncomfortable position with their child to say no. Call or text for permission first.

Rule #2 for parent - if you expect your child to check in, provide them with a cell phone. I don't let my kids on my cell phone and I'm not letting yours on it as if it breaks, will you replace it?

Rule #3 for parent - bike with your kid more. Stop being lazy trying to do a dump job.

[Anonymous]

[b wrote:Anonymous]Rule #1 for parent - do not send child over to others houses looking for free babysitting because you are too lazy to host or supervise your child. It is very annoying to get a child knocking to play who doesn't take no for an answer. It puts parents in an uncomfortable position with their child to say no. Call or text for permission first.[/b]

Rule #2 for parent - if you expect your child to check in, provide them with a cell phone. I don't let my kids on my cell phone and I'm not letting yours on it as if it breaks, will you replace it?

Rule #3 for parent - bike with your kid more. Stop being lazy trying to do a dump job.

For rule 1, you must not live in a neighborhood like this. In our culdesack, kids play like this all the time, MY HOUSE and yard included. It's actually lovely for them to grow up like this. It's like growing up in the 70s. Kids say they are going to see if x can play or see x outside and wants to ask if she can join them.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's polite to consistently be asking to use other people's phones (once in awhile or in an emergency would be ok, but not every time you come over to play and every half hour). Get your son a smart watch so that he can text you updates on where he is and check in. I think it's ok to knock and ask to play with a child, but like pp said, he has to take no for an answer.

Make sure he knows exactly what streets he is restricted to. "Our neighborhood" is a little vague. My parents used to do that and my definition was a lot more expansive than theirs LOL.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised people care so much about having a kid use their phone. Our neighborhood is self-contained but also fairly large. If my DD is going half a mile away, I want to know about it. Kids have asked me to call their parents and it only takes a second. I know the kids (and parents) she plays with, so it's not like I'm asking strangers. The "every 30 minutes" is overkill, but asking to call seems fine to me.

[Anonymous]

Your rules are basically ok but I'd have him check in every hour and be flexible with that. DS and his friends do it pretty consistently but do not have cell phones. They range from 8-10. All of them wear mostly athletic clothes and the phones would be lost in a day. Any family in my neighborhood would let any child use their phone to check in.

I would not make him call to switch houses. It's too much and kids here run from one house to another all weekend. It's good to check before going into a new house of a family you don't know. Give limits on how far they can go and hold off on bike riding until you are comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rule #1 for parent - do not send child over to others houses looking for free babysitting because you are too lazy to host or supervise your child. It is very annoying to get a child knocking to play who doesn't take no for an answer. It puts parents in an uncomfortable position with their child to say no. Call or text for permission first.

Rule #2 for parent - if you expect your child to check in, provide them with a cell phone. I don't let my kids on my cell phone and I'm not letting yours on it as if it breaks, will you replace it?

Rule #3 for parent - bike with your kid more. Stop being lazy trying to do a dump job.

You must have a younger child. Play dates stop when they get older and kids arrange to hang out together. Parents coordinate if they need a ride somewhere for carpooling purposes. OPs child is 8 and it is only the beginning of this happening in neighborhoods with lots of kids. The kids will be texting each other to make the plans before you know it. Family bike rides will still happen but it won't replace their desire to be with friends.

[Anonymous]

Our rules are that DS is not allowed to go into anyone's house without asking us (he will run home, or other parent might text - this rule is relaxed at his best friend's), must have a friend with him when out bike riding, and must stay in view of our house (or friend's house) when playing in the woods. He is also expected to stay within a boundary defined by his friend's houses and the cul de sacs between them and can only ride bikes in certain places.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I don't think you're ready to let your child out into the neighborhood. You're making the house parent call when he comes over? Why can't he call? Why does it have to be a parent Checking in every 30 minutes is unreasonable especially if you're having him call every time he goes to a new place. You're never giving him a chance to just hang out. What's the big deal about riding up a hill? Why can't he walk his bike up it?

You're better off having a quick get together with the kids and parents of the houses he'll be going to and establish 'neighborhood rules'. This will better ensure similar expectations among kids and parents. These are our neighborhood rules:

1. Kids are only allowed to go to houses where we've met the parents
2. No leaving a house without telling the house parent where you are going
3. You follow the rules of the house you're at
4. The adult in the house can send any child home at any time for any reason with no hard feelings
5. Kids are welcome to knock on doors at 9:30am to see if another kid can play. Adults are welcome to say no.
6. Regular safety rules apply (bike helmets, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I don't think you're ready to let your child out into the neighborhood. You're making the house parent call when he comes over? Why can't he call? Why does it have to be a parent Checking in every 30 minutes is unreasonable especially if you're having him call every time he goes to a new place. You're never giving him a chance to just hang out. What's the big deal about riding up a hill? Why can't he walk his bike up it?

You're better off having a quick get together with the kids and parents of the houses he'll be going to and establish 'neighborhood rules'. This will better ensure similar expectations among kids and parents. These are our neighborhood rules:

1. Kids are only allowed to go to houses where we've met the parents
2. No leaving a house without telling the house parent where you are going
3. You follow the rules of the house you're at
4. The adult in the house can send any child home at any time for any reason with no hard feelings
5. Kids are welcome to knock on doors at 9:30am to see if another kid can play. Adults are welcome to say no.
6. Regular safety rules apply (bike helmets, etc.)

These are pretty much our rules.
They also aren't allowed to take massive amounts of toys out that I'm going to end up having to help pick up (mostly nerf guns) and they're not allowed to cross the larger neighborhood road without an adult. My kids are 6 and 9. I would normally say 6 is a bit young to be that relaxed but he is very independent. I also know all the parents/kids on our street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rule #1 for parent - do not send child over to others houses looking for free babysitting because you are too lazy to host or supervise your child. It is very annoying to get a child knocking to play who doesn't take no for an answer. It puts parents in an uncomfortable position with their child to say no. Call or text for permission first.

Rule #2 for parent - if you expect your child to check in, provide them with a cell phone. I don't let my kids on my cell phone and I'm not letting yours on it as if it breaks, will you replace it?

Rule #3 for parent - bike with your kid more. Stop being lazy trying to do a dump job.

Jesus Christ. I am sooooooo happy you are not my neighbor. I pity your children.

[Anonymous]

My son started playing outside at age 9 unattended. He's 10 and still not allowed in anyone's house. Well, other than one neighbor, who I know well. Nobody else's. I want him out where I can find him.

He doesn't have to check in, but our neighborhood is small, four cul de sacs in an isolated area.

Traffic is my biggest concern and he is responsible about biking and crossing the streets. He knows the neighborhood teen drivers who are crazy.

Where/when I grew up, going into neighbor's houses was the most risky thing. Several young boys were molested. I was shown porn multiple times. And several teens offered me drugs when I was in elementary school.

Today, in my neighborhood, I already know multiple houses have guns and air soft guns in them. Most of my neighbors are immigrants and don't abide by what I think of as generic safety issues like wearing bike helmets, keeping dogs on a leash and/or training them, not playing with air soft guns, etc. So I don't want my kid in their houses unless I know them very well. Outside is safer than inside out of sight.