I am just...done....

[Anonymous]

Well, we know that isn't true but I am so tired of the appts and medications and not being able to plan trips (work or personal) without an extensive calendar, moon alignments and testing the direction of the wind b/c we may need to be around for monitoring. We are doing ERA (aka mock transfer) so today was the first day of our mock transfer protocol. While sitting in the waiting room I just wanted to cry, mostly b/c I remember how excited I felt when we were trying to get pregnant with our first. Now we're closing in on two years of infertility cycles (started with clomid and have graduated to IVF) to get pregnant with our second. I am just tired. Physically, emotionally, all of it. I hate this. I hate feeling this way. I hate how it's impacted my marriage b/c my husband is ready to call it quits and I'm not ready to give up yet, so I feel selfish for wanting to do another cycle if this doesn't work. I'm almost 40 so that is a factor. If we do a second cycle, I'm hoping the stars align that I could do it while we wait for the biopsy results but thinking about three months of back to back to back monitoring, injections, the phone calls, all of it. It's exhausting. I am just tired and hoping this infertility train ends soon. Where's my fairy godmother? I think she lost her way so if you see her, tell her stop by my house. Please.

[Anonymous]

No advice. Just know that you are not alone. TTC is an all consuming, lonely, exhausting, makes-you-question everything, brutal ride.

[Anonymous]

...your fairy godmother is on her way to you soon. Please have faith and pray ...

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. If it's any consolation I was unable to have a 2nd for different reasons, and many years later I am happy and fulfilled. Hope can be a cruel thing. In my case, once my husband got a vasectomy it officially closed the window and the weight that was lifted off my shoulders was tremendous and I was finally able to focus on the family I did have. I'm not suggesting you should quit, but it was an unexpected joy for me to remove the possibility after years of "what if-ing."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. If it's any consolation I was unable to have a 2nd for different reasons, and many years later I am happy and fulfilled. Hope can be a cruel thing. In my case, once my husband got a vasectomy it officially closed the window and the weight that was lifted off my shoulders was tremendous and I was finally able to focus on the family I did have. I'm not suggesting you should quit, but it was an unexpected joy for me to remove the possibility after years of "what if-ing."

+1

Once the door was finally closed I stopped crying every day and began to pull out of the IF funk.

[Anonymous]

Op why are you doing the ERA what's happened with your IVF for #2 so far?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op why are you doing the ERA what's happened with your IVF for #2 so far?

With three failed FETs, SG suggests doing the ERA b/c they aren't sure why I'm unable to get pregnant. Everyone thought for sure it would happen.

[Anonymous]

Were the 3 failed FET PGS normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. If it's any consolation I was unable to have a 2nd for different reasons, and many years later I am happy and fulfilled. Hope can be a cruel thing. In my case, once my husband got a vasectomy it officially closed the window and the weight that was lifted off my shoulders was tremendous and I was finally able to focus on the family I did have. I'm not suggesting you should quit, but it was an unexpected joy for me to remove the possibility after years of "what if-ing."

Thank you for this. Through a lot of effort and IF treatment we were able to have our one kid. We've closed the door on even trying for a second due to the high emotional and financial cost of doing the treatments, but I've always wondered if I would regret that down the road. There's so much stigma about having only one kid in certain circles.

[Anonymous]

Similar boat here. Just turned 40 and TTC #2 for 2.5 years, have never seen a BFP. Pregnant right away with my first, easy pregnancy and delivery so I still have no clue why this is happening now. When my son was 14 months old I learned I was infertile, with a very low AMH (however my AFC and my FSH and all other hormones are very good). Just makes no sense to me at all. Anyhow, we decided to give up infertility treatments and just TTC on our own. I was told 1% chance of a natural pregnancy, but I feel a lot better now that I'm not longer an infertility clinic patient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, we know that isn't true but I am so tired of the appts and medications and not being able to plan trips (work or personal) without an extensive calendar, moon alignments and testing the direction of the wind b/c we may need to be around for monitoring. We are doing ERA (aka mock transfer) so today was the first day of our mock transfer protocol. While sitting in the waiting room I just wanted to cry, mostly b/c I remember how excited I felt when we were trying to get pregnant with our first. Now we're closing in on two years of infertility cycles (started with clomid and have graduated to IVF) to get pregnant with our second. I am just tired. Physically, emotionally, all of it. I hate this. I hate feeling this way. I hate how it's impacted my marriage b/c my husband is ready to call it quits and I'm not ready to give up yet, so I feel selfish for wanting to do another cycle if this doesn't work. I'm almost 40 so that is a factor. If we do a second cycle, I'm hoping the stars align that I could do it while we wait for the biopsy results but thinking about three months of back to back to back monitoring, injections, the phone calls, all of it. It's exhausting. I am just tired and hoping this infertility train ends soon. Where's my fairy godmother? I think she lost her way so if you see her, tell her stop by my house. Please.

Similar boat but TTC #3, not #2. But both #1 and #2 were IVF. How many cycles of IVF have you done, OP?

I am only 7 months in and I am also sick of the monitoring, the not being able to plan stuff bc I may be pregnant but I may be starting another cycle etc. It's hard. It just plain sucks

But having gone through it twice, and now a third time, I really do think it's all worth it. I was miserable for both #1 and #2 while I was doing it, and then once I got pregnant, despite some PTSD, I was so glad I did it.

[Anonymous]

Not religious so I hate all the praying and faith stuff people post. I know they mean well but please, save it. Save it for your church pals.

[Anonymous]

I had a similes moment this cycle also trying for number 2. I am just so ready to move on to what is next. The uncertainty is truely trying and the amount of physical, emotional and mental planning and energy is no joke. I have found some comfort regaining my focus on why, and also in trying to find the strength in breathing through this. I am 2 years in and just starting IVf journey. It still feels worth it if a baby is on the other side. But it is a fair question to checkin with yourself on and your partner; and understandable 2 people may approach that end points and the answer differently. Be good to yourself. And I am pulling hard for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. If it's any consolation I was unable to have a 2nd for different reasons, and many years later I am happy and fulfilled. Hope can be a cruel thing. In my case, once my husband got a vasectomy it officially closed the window and the weight that was lifted off my shoulders was tremendous and I was finally able to focus on the family I did have. I'm not suggesting you should quit, but it was an unexpected joy for me to remove the possibility after years of "what if-ing."

Thank you for this. Through a lot of effort and IF treatment we were able to have our one kid. We've closed the door on even trying for a second due to the high emotional and financial cost of doing the treatments, but I've always wondered if I would regret that down the road. There's so much stigma about having only one kid in certain circles.

I think this is changing, honestly. So many parents I know are parents of only children for all sorts of reasons - infertility, sure, but also the recognition of that having one child is more affordable. I also think there's a lot more awareness about infertility these days and so having one child is common in my circle of friends who, like me, had to seek ART for our kid(s) and are happy and grateful to have one. I know it's probably the think that weighs most heavily on your heart, but just wanted to say that I see a growing number of families with one kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were the 3 failed FET PGS normal?

OP here. Yes they were all PGS tested normal.