Is respect in a relationship realistic?

[Anonymous]

I've been asking/telling my husband I need to be treated with respect in order to feel safe, vulnerable, etc. He says it's not a realistic expectation. For example, the other night he swore in anger. I told him, as I always tell him, that it really bothers me when he swears in anger. He says that that is how he talks and that I'm in the wrong by not accepting that. Am I crazy? Is this normal?

[Anonymous]

I bet if you empathized with his underlying feeling before shutting him down by being the swearing police you'd get through to him a lot faster.

[Anonymous]

Swears in general or swears at you?

[Anonymous]

Respect in a relationship is totally realistic. It has nothing whatever to do, however, with the expectation that your DH not swear in anger, which has nothing to do with disrespect of you. You sound like a prima donna.

[Anonymous]

Have y'all tried counseling? Yes, you can expect respect in a relationship, but swearing in a moment of anger is not really unusual nor is it hugely disrespectful. Sounds like you might be diverting attention from whatever made him angry by focusing on the swearing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have y'all tried counseling? Yes, you can expect respect in a relationship, but swearing in a moment of anger is not really unusual nor is it hugely disrespectful. Sounds like you might be diverting attention from whatever made him angry by focusing on the swearing.

OP here. The swearing is just an example. He's disrespectful in a variety of ways.

[Anonymous]

Is the swearing a general exclamation like "g*ddam*t, the dishwasher is broken!" or belittling like "you f*cking b!tch!"?

There's a big difference.

[Anonymous]

You sound whiny and controlling, OP. Which is as disrespectful as your DH swearing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the swearing a general exclamation like "g*ddam*t, the dishwasher is broken!" or belittling like "you f*cking b!tch!"?

There's a big difference.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the swearing a general exclamation like "g*ddam*t, the dishwasher is broken!" or belittling like "you f*cking b!tch!"?

There's a big difference.

+1 please answer if he's swearing at you directly, as in calling you names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the swearing a general exclamation like "g*ddam*t, the dishwasher is broken!" or belittling like "you f*cking b!tch!"?

There's a big difference.

+1 please answer if he's swearing at you directly, as in calling you names.

Agree with PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound whiny and controlling, OP. Which is as disrespectful as your DH swearing.

Agree. It's not fair to expect him to change behaviors that are totally normal (who hasn't sworn in anger??? As long as it's not name calling you) because of your own weird insecurities.

[Anonymous]

What the heck? Of course respect is realistic. If it's too much to ask you need to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the heck? Of course respect is realistic. If it's too much to ask you need to leave.

Agree, but OP might have a weird expectations as to what respect is or is not. Like the PP have said, is he swearing around you or calling you names.

[Anonymous]

You need to leave. Respect is the bare minimum in a relationship.