Has anyone had miscarriage/infertility negatively affect their relationship?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be asking if I hadn't...

[Anonymous]

It has caused moments of intense stress at times, but so far we have been able to manage not blaming each other but just the crummy situation. I'm sorry, OP. This is hard.

[Anonymous]

Yes, in several ways.

I was really depressed/frustrated with the way that he was not available/present for me during a series of miscarriages (3 in approximately 10 months). After the 3rd, I told him that I wanted to take a break and postpone a second baby. He was not happy about it and cites it as one of the reasons our marriage collapsed.

[Anonymous]

Yes- I feel like he doesn't understand the physical and emotional pain of back to back cycles/ miscarriage/ D&C ... I mean he does try but I definitely feel resentment... trying to work through it with a therapist. It's incredibly hard but we're working through it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, here too. Thankfully we are weathering the storm but it has caused a lot of stress and anger because we aren't on the same page. We already have one child so while I would love another I don't particularly want to bankrupt us over it (my insurance does not cover IVF), but DH feels differently and wants to be as aggressive as possible. All of the monitoring appts and other issues (day off for D&C after MC) have been really challenging for me to juggle with work, plus I spend so much more time away from my child to make up time at work or go to early AM appts. To be honest, I do resent that 95% of this (doc appts, meds, etc) falls on me.

[Anonymous]

Infertility was extremely stressful on us as individuals and as a couple. I believe there are multiple studies that confirm it has a negative impact. We came out well on the other end, but I can certainly relate as to how it lead to broken relationships.
I'm sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Yes - My husband's reaction/lack of support after 1 ectopic and 2 miscarriages in just over a year has created a divide in our marriage. His response to the losses was to talk to other people about it, however, never discuss it with me. His rationale was that he did not want to upset me by bringing it up.

[Anonymous]

Yes. It's not like we were about to break up or anything but it was tough, even though we were on the same page about hints. It wears on you, a lot.

[Anonymous]

Hints -> things

[Anonymous]

Kailyn on Teen Mom did. She miscarried and Javi her husband handled it HORRIBLY. I think it was the beginning of the end for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kailyn on Teen Mom did. She miscarried and Javi her husband handled it HORRIBLY. I think it was the beginning of the end for them.

No offense PP but this seems like it belongs in the entertainment forum.

[Anonymous]

PP, this is not entertainment. It's hugely painful for a lot of people. And I think we all take it out in different ways. I blamed my husband (for something that was not his, or anyone's "fault".) I resented the heck out of him.

[Anonymous]

Sort of... My husband never blamed me and he did his best to be supportive throughout it all (not always successful with that), but when a family member backed out of being an egg donor, he went nuts and hates her guts now. His relationship with my parents also soured because he felt they didn't express enough sympathy directly to him (as opposed to the both of us or just to me, for both of us). Family gathering are very tense and uncomfortable now. My husband isn't someone who can fake it or go along to get along. (Marrying the most honest man on earth is a double-edged sword.)

[Anonymous]

I know you asked for negative stories, but I hope a positive story might help others experiencing a loss.
I had a missed miscarriage last year, our first pregnancy after a couple years of IVF. The technician informed us there was no hb at a 9 week ultrasound. This possibly sounds melodramatic, but in that split second after she told us, I had this flash realization that the worst thing for us as a couple would be for me to follow my natural instinct and curl into myself to mourn. I'm a natural introvert, and usually process things best alone. Instead, I reached for my husband and sobbed into his shirt while he held me. I let him comfort me over the next few weeks, and I comforted him, and I truly think sharing that grief brought us closer as a couple.

[Anonymous]

We just finished up our first retrieval, and what helped us the most was listening to the Eggcellent Adventure podcast. Their situation (dumb sperm and old eggs) is similar to ours, and hearing another couple talk through the ups and down, and field questions from listeners has in both of us sharing what we are thinking and feeling as well. Cheapest therapy we've had!