Donor egg vs. Adoption

[Anonymous]

After 4 failed IUIs (two were chemical pregnancies) an 4 failed IVF's (two did not even make it to retrieval b/c of poor egg production--even on a truck load of stim meds), we've been told that I'm having serious "egg issues" and should probably move on to plan b. We are considering egg donor IVF (about $35,000) or adoption. does anyone have thoughts on pros and cons. If anyone has gone the adoption route, can you let me know where you started. There seems to be SO much information out there...not even sure where to begin. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you look around before committing to DE, as the prices really vary. I know some are now offering frozen egg IVF, which might be something you should consider, along with shared cycle DE. CNY in upstate NY is one place that has very reasonably priced DE.

[Anonymous]

This is a very hard decision. I would take a serious look at costs and probability of success in each case. As much as we hate to admit it, cost is a huge factor for many of us. It has been awhile since we looked at this, so I'm not sure how the costs compare. You and your husband's age could impact your ability to adopt both domestically and internationally -- so you should check with various companies to see what the requirements are. As for donor eggs, I remember an article in the Washington Post Magazine 2 years ago about a women who traveled to South Africa for donor egg IVF due to the lower cost. How important is it to you to be pregnant/go through a pregnancy? Do you want an infant, or would you be happy adopting a toddler or older child? What about special needs? While there is no guarantee that a child of that you give birth to would not be special needs, you do have control over the prenatal care that you receive and can know for certain that you did not drink nor take drugs while pregnant. FWIW, I did IVF and my sister adopted and we are both happy with our outcomes. Best of Luck!

[Anonymous]

I have not been in your shoes but I know SG offers a shared donor program which seems to cut the costs of donor egg in half (if you decide to go this route).
http://www.shadygrovefertility.com/shared_donor_egg
I've "met" women on infertility message boards who have used this program and were very happy with it.

[Anonymous]

If cost is a big driver and you are open to creative solutions, I have a good friend who did egg doner in Europe. The entire process cost her about $5 (including airfare & hotel) about 4 years ago. She met the birth mom, had her US doctors review the moms medical file and her US OB & the overseas REs worked as a team to time everything perfectly. Her twin boys are adorable.

I know it sounds a big odd, but egg donation is more socially accpetable and more prevelant in other countries. As with all medical stuff, you need to be careful. I'm just putting it out there as an alternative that many people don't know about. Try Googling it.

[Anonymous]

I went to a resolve seminar that covered both donor egg and adoption, so we could get the overview on both w/o a lot of effort. They had lots of hand outs and discussed cost, emotional issues and success rates. There's a ton out there so what you need to do is absorb the big issues to help you decide which path, and then explore the other issues along that way.

[Anonymous]

Local adoption agencies hold information sessions regularly to explain their programs, both international & domestic...International is more of a guarantee of a child than either donor egg or domestic adoption, but is probably more expensive than both...By the way, we used Adoptions Together (in Silver Spring & Baltimore) & loved our experience. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Personally I would go with Donor Egg because of:

a) costs;

b) guarantee to get an infant (if that is important to you);

c) guarantee that baby was not exposed to drugs, high levels of alcohol, mercury and all that crap we have to avoid during pregnancy;

d) time - you might luck out but usually adoption takes a LONG time (that is the most important reason to me).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally I would go with Donor Egg because of:

a) costs;

b) guarantee to get an infant (if that is important to you);

c) guarantee that baby was not exposed to drugs, high levels of alcohol, mercury and all that crap we have to avoid during pregnancy;

d) time - you might luck out but usually adoption takes a LONG time (that is the most important reason to me).

I concur. Also, adoption has age limit of 45yo. So, if you start adoption process in early 40s, you may be cutting it pretty close.

[Anonymous]

Of course you are going to get people on this forum advocating for donor egg. I was just perusing around thinking how
glad I am to be past TTC. We adopted a lovely infant from a foreign country. It is a personal decision but there are many
children of all ages who would love a chance to have loving parents. And the age limit is not 45. I am 48 years older than the
kid I adopted. I was 49 when we brought him home. He is 2 now.

I would recommend going to some information sessions at various adoption agencies (not just one). I also attending a "thinking about
adoption" class with Resolve.

I never went thru IVF, we went straight from trying to conceive with body temps, to deciding to go with adoption. Anyway, when you have
a child, even one who was born to another mother but now calls you mama, it seems like a long time ago when I was trying to conceive.

[Anonymous]

My wife and are also considering this path. While I think DE is more expensive, it is the way we are leaning. We feel that we both would be contributing to the birth of the child as it would be my DNA and she would carry the baby to term. On an emotional level, it is very important to my wife to be the birth mother if possible. My wife is 40 and our problem is egg quality. There is no expected problem with her being able to carry the child to term. We also would not want to wait the years it can take to go through the adoption process. It is a hard decision.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I adopted two children from Russia back in 2003. We decided the adoption route before the IVF route. We just couldn't take anymore dissapointments. We could not be happier with our decision. My daughter was 1 when I got her home and my son was 2. The age limit is not 46 in most of the countires you just have to look around. These children are my children and I love them more then anything. They have made my life so fufilled and happy. If you want to be a mom adoption is certainly a great way to make that come true. To get started I research the internet for reputable Agencies, unfortunately my agency is no longer in business but there are many more good ones out there. Once you find an agency you will work with them to get your homestudy done and several other documents. Our adoption took less then a year to have my two children home and even though we had to make 2 trips to Russia it was an adventure me and my husband can tell our grandchildren. See, I get to have grandchildren. With a donor egg you still don't know if you will get pregnant and it is more money. It is up to you but I would recommend adoption.

[Anonymous]

WE proceeded with adoption while pursuing DE at Dominion Fertility. We have two children that are two months apart, it makes for some interesting questions and curious looks from onlookers. My and husband and I wanted to build a family and we were not successful with IUI or IVF due to my age. I love my kids and although we didn't set out to have a family this way, I could not be happier with my daughter 1 yr 4 months and my son 1 yr 2 months. They are amazing and I hope which ever way you choose, you get accurate and current information and get good support from your family and friends. Resolve is a great place to get info on adoption, but many of their members adopted before the laws in Russia and China made it take longer to get a child. For this reason we did an open domestic adoption, and we were able to be there for her birth and take her home within a few days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally I would go with Donor Egg because of:

a) costs;

b) guarantee to get an infant (if that is important to you);

c) guarantee that baby was not exposed to drugs, high levels of alcohol, mercury and all that crap we have to avoid during pregnancy;

d) time - you might luck out but usually adoption takes a LONG time (that is the most important reason to me).

I concur. Also, adoption has age limit of 45yo. So, if you start adoption process in early 40s, you may be cutting it pretty close.

Add:

1. International adoption is likely more expensive; with domestic, more and more agencies requiring open adoptions
2. With DE you have the donor's medical history and your husband's; with adoption, little or no history from either side
3. Very hard to adopt a newborn/young infant, so in addition to c above, you have to add potential problems resulting from the environment the baby was born into -- very little contact, nutrition, etc -- which could lead to emotional problems.

I have 3 children conceived with DE and still think it was the right choice. I went down the adoption road and became very very discouraged.

Good luck.