OMG tween just had epic tantrum

[Anonymous]

My 11 year old just threw epic tantrum. He hit a friend, they told me so I ended playdate and sent him to his room. He refused to go. Started throwing toys, shoes, everything yelling I'm not going to my room. I grabbed his arm started pulling him toward his room. He started kicking, biting, hitting me. I got him to his room. He's now throwing things in his room yelling and cryo by.

DCUM, what do I do?

[Anonymous]

Take away everything he threw. "Since you don't treat your things well, you obviously don't care about having them. Stay in your room until you are ready to come out and tell us how you will repair the damage you caused both to the material things and to me by hitting, biting and kicking me."

[Anonymous]

This is the 1st time this has happened?

Is he still freaking out?

[Anonymous]

When my 11 year old had a tantrum he needed help calming down. I wouldn't have escalated it when he was so mad already.

[Anonymous]

Ignore him. When he has calmed down and eaten something you can have him clean up the mess he made. He also will need to skip the next play date because this one tired you out so much that you need to first recover.

[Anonymous]

Not that violence is the answer, but can you get to what caused it to happen. But make clear that didn't excuse the behavior and there are consequences

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore him. When he has calmed down and eaten something you can have him clean up the mess he made. He also will need to skip the next play date because this one tired you out so much that you need to first recover.

Agree with this and it took me years and therapy to learn to do this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my 11 year old had a tantrum he needed help calming down. I wouldn't have escalated it when he was so mad already.

Ditto

My son has OCD and would freak out until we taught him to control his anxieties.

[Anonymous]

Get out the belt. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take away everything he threw. "Since you don't treat your things well, you obviously don't care about having them. Stay in your room until you are ready to come out and tell us how you will repair the damage you caused both to the material things and to me by hitting, biting and kicking me."

Sure, this is fine, but will do nothing toward getting at whatever it is that made him go crazy. This doesn't sound like advice that would ever have worked with my kid. Focuses on material things and not the chaos in his head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my 11 year old had a tantrum he needed help calming down. I wouldn't have escalated it when he was so mad already.

You're assuming freak out session. Sometimes kids are assholes and it looks like a tantrum, but they know what they are doing. My 2 year old, for example. Carefully lays himself down on the ground so he doesn't hit his head. Proceeds to throw a raging scream fest, while looking at me every now and then. I don't cater to his BS.

Not sure which is Op's situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get out the belt. Problem solved.

Ignore this idiot. Unless of course we can put the belt on him! ( or her)

[Anonymous]

He's very possibly as much mad at himself as anything. I would try to calm him and engage him in a discussion about what went wrong and how he can make amends and move on.

[Anonymous]

What happened before he hit the friend? Also, did you do all this in front of the friend? Because I bet that made the response 1000 times worse. Also, there's no reasoning with an out of control kid. Try to talk to him much later and definitely after feeding him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore him. When he has calmed down and eaten something you can have him clean up the mess he made. He also will need to skip the next play date because this one tired you out so much that you need to first recover.

Agree with this and it took me years and therapy to learn to do this

This is 100% correct answer.