Sleepovers with lesbian identified DD

[Anonymous]

DD is 14 and came out to us as gay a few months ago. Totally expected and we're fine. However, how do we handle same-sex friendships and sleepovers. She has friends of both genders and often wants to spend the night at her male friends house because of shared interests. On the same token, she often wants to spend the night with female friends and we don't know how to approach it. I don't like the idea of her staying the night at her male friends house, because although she may not be interested they may be and I'd hate if she was in a position where she had little to no power. Her two best friends are male, and sweet boys (ahem and nerdy) so I trust them more than most boys that age. Thoughts? How will I know if her same sex friends coming over are just friends?

[Anonymous]

Err on the side of caution. No to any sleepovers with anyone. There's no need. Friends can come over. She can go over friends' houses. But no sleepovers.

--lesbian mom of 2 teenagers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Err on the side of caution. No to any sleepovers with anyone. There's no need. Friends can come over. She can go over friends' houses. But no sleepovers.

--lesbian mom of 2 teenagers

Seems like the child would be robbed of some quintessential teenage social events because of her sexual orientation.

[Anonymous]

I have no experience with this issue and no idea what the correct answer is. As with everything else, it depends on the person (child).

I do have an experience from my teen years of my single dad freaking out about the way my best friend and I would immediately go to my room and shut the door when she came over. He accused me of doing something sexual with her and forbade me from ever closing the door again. As I felt with so many things about my father then, it was just so wrongheaded and dumb.

I think it's healthier to just have an honest conversation about it, what makes you uncomfortable, and the possible implications. My own kid is still young elementary but if he's gay, I think it would be fair to get him acclimated, in a safe environment, to societal views.

Not a lot of people are going to accept a co-ed teen sleepover. As the mother of a boy, that would be big Hell No from me and I might be angry about a girl's mother giving her permission. Plus, your misgivings about it are pretty legitimate, given teen hormones. Why not just air that with her, give her some time to mull it over and see what she comes back with?

Girl-girl sleepovers are a different story. I think if you keep the communication open, you can use the information exchange to make a decision on a case-by-case basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Err on the side of caution. No to any sleepovers with anyone. There's no need. Friends can come over. She can go over friends' houses. But no sleepovers.

--lesbian mom of 2 teenagers

Seems like the child would be robbed of some quintessential teenage social events because of her sexual orientation.

Come on. This is a bit dramatic.

[Anonymous]

I don't think most people would have a problem with teen sex if the possibility of pregnancy wasn't in the equation.

In your scenario it pregnancy isn't a possible outcome.

So do you have a problem with a teen in a mutually agreed upon and safe sexual relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is 14 and came out to us as gay a few months ago. Totally expected and we're fine. However, how do we handle same-sex friendships and sleepovers. She has friends of both genders and often wants to spend the night at her male friends house because of shared interests. On the same token, she often wants to spend the night with female friends and we don't know how to approach it. I don't like the idea of her staying the night at her male friends house, because although she may not be interested they may be and I'd hate if she was in a position where she had little to no power. Her two best friends are male, and sweet boys (ahem and nerdy) so I trust them more than most boys that age. Thoughts? How will I know if her same sex friends coming over are just friends?

Ask her?

[Anonymous]

i think you either allow sleepovers with both genders or not at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think most people would have a problem with teen sex if the possibility of pregnancy wasn't in the equation.

In your scenario it pregnancy isn't a possible outcome.

So do you have a problem with a teen in a mutually agreed upon and safe sexual relationship?

(Not OP) A lot of parents don't feel that kids are ready for sex at 14...and there is no such thing as 100% safe sex. Especially with a young teen's judgement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think most people would have a problem with teen sex if the possibility of pregnancy wasn't in the equation.

In your scenario it pregnancy isn't a possible outcome.

So do you have a problem with a teen in a mutually agreed upon and safe sexual relationship?

(Not OP) A lot of parents don't feel that kids are ready for sex at 14...and there is no such thing as 100% safe sex. Especially with a young teen's judgement.

I agree. I still wouldn't want my 14 year old having sex. The emotional aspect of it is huge. And are they mature enough? For most, doubtful.

[Anonymous]

ABSULTLY not, no kid at 14 should be having sex with either sex. I'm no prude but do some of you not have any values anymore? And yes, this daughter will end up having with a girl friend if sleep overs happen.

[Anonymous]

1+ Yes, finely someone with comon sense around here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think most people would have a problem with teen sex if the possibility of pregnancy wasn't in the equation.

In your scenario it pregnancy isn't a possible outcome.

So do you have a problem with a teen in a mutually agreed upon and safe sexual relationship?

Yup, I have a problem with a teen in a mutually agreed upon and safe sexual relationship, whether with the same sex or opposite sex. Emotionally, they're not ready for all the implications of a sexual relationship. No sleepovers.

--Lesbian mom of 2 teenagers

[Anonymous]

This has come up before. The way I dealt with it (DD identifies as Bi) is to be blind. Seriously. I am not really concerned with sex with a BFF -- I do not think it will happened. But, the down-side repercussions are not a big deal: STD's are really not much of an issue, and pregnancy is a non-started.

I am concerned about the emotional issues, but there is no way to stop them anyway (if they want to), and I do not think DD's BFF is into girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Err on the side of caution. No to any sleepovers with anyone. There's no need. Friends can come over. She can go over friends' houses. But no sleepovers.

--lesbian mom of 2 teenagers

Seems like the child would be robbed of some quintessential teenage social events because of her sexual orientation.

I'm not sure you'd be saying that if it was a girl-boy heterosexual sleepover request. I'm totally supportive of anyone's sexual orientation but when it might be someone they have a love relationship with or a crush on, I would neutrally apply "no."