Does the "spark" come and go?

[Anonymous]

Been married for 4 years. We get along really well and have fun together, trust each other, and so on. But sometimes it feels like we're just best friends who live together. We do not have kids. We do have sex although not as regularly as I would prefer - about once a week. Is this just something that happens? Is it too soon for it to have already happened? Will it come back?

[Anonymous]

In my experience, yes. Relationships have sweet spots and stressers. Some of it you can control, some of it is circumstantial.

What can you do to increase the romance?

[Anonymous]

I'm 5 years and two kids into my marriage, and this has been my experience. It's what I expected, though, so it doesn't seem abnormal to me. Sometimes I feel crazy about my husband and the spark is there. Other times, we're more coasting along, usually happily -- and that is ok.

[Anonymous]

I've been married over 30 years and the spark is still there. We are best friends and he can still light me up in bed! I know I'm very lucky and I'm pretty sure he'd same the same thing. Even when our children were young and life was crazy we always found time for just the two of us.

[Anonymous]

You sound like you're 14

[Anonymous]

I'd say "wax and wane," rather than "come and go," but yes. Sometimes we're "just" content (which isn't nothing!), and sometimes we're on fire. Been married eight years and two young kids (plus early pregnant). We've been together for 16 years, though.

[Anonymous]

What spark?

[Anonymous]

10 years in and I can dig up the spark on occasion. It's still there, just not a daily, weekly, or even monthly thing - well, outside of sex I suppose, when it's more apparent, though like you that's only about once a week and I'd prefer more.

On the other hand, I'm sharing my life with someone who is unfailingly kind and generous, a wonderful partner in raising our children, always has my back, and is a source of comfort every night when he throws his arm over me and pulls me in close. Considering all that, I'd call my marriage a win.

[Anonymous]

All relationships ebb and flow

[Anonymous]

Yep but it's concerning that you are experiencing this prior to kids. The honeymoon phase definitely fades but there is still the occasional weekend where you basically only take break to eat and sleep. Try spicing things up --- different locations in the house, greeting him/her naked at the door, surprises in the shower, outdoor sex? It's a good time to experiment a bit and that can rekindle the spark a bit.

[Anonymous]

The spark is still there after 38 years! A few days ago he was leaving on a ten day trip and at 9am he walks into my studio and asks me if I want to fool around. I looked terrible as I was still in my robe. I said sure and within minutes we are in the shower then in bed and then Uber comes to pick him up. Later that day it struck me that not many 64YO women had a morning like mine. The spark is alive!

[Anonymous]

It just goes.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but you have to work for it. Work out together, make an effort to dress up now and then, do something different in bed.

[Anonymous]

Ebbs and flows (We've been together 30 years)

[Anonymous]

totally normal. No real spark after 11 years but a pilot light, sure.