It makes me sad knowing my season of fertility is over

[Anonymous]

I recently turned 40, and I have been having a mid-life crisis lately about my secondary infertility problem. For 20 years there was a certain comfort about knowing I could get pregnant if I wanted to, but I did not choose to get pregnant until 35 (easy time getting pregnant and smooth pregnancy/delivery, now have a 4 year old daughter). Now I've been TTC #2 for three years and our infertility treatments journey is over (if we do have a second child it will be through adoption as I no longer have the ability to carry a child). My season of fertility is over and I feel very sad. I am mourning the loss of my fertility and that is very difficult. It also makes me feel old to know that I am no longer fertile/able to have a child, and now the next stage in my female reproductive journey is menopause. Anyone feel similarly?

[Anonymous]

I also mourn similarly. I'm very sad that I will not be pregnant, have an infant, hold my baby, and go through all those stages again. It's okay to be sad and mourn that. I don't know if it will ever leave me. I try to contrast those feelings with going the extra mile enjoying the moments with the two kids I am SO lucky to have. I didn't know it would be over when I went through mothering babyhood last.

[Anonymous]

My journey is over as well. I would have loved to have another child. I mourned a LOT at 40. Now I'm 42.5 and just had a hysterectomy and am feeling better than I have in years. I've reclaimed my life--no more pain, bleeding, charting cycles, treatment, etc. DONE.

I have to say that psychologically the difference in my outlook between 40 and 42.5 was HUGE. At 40 I was really, really sad. I would have welcomed an infant any day of the week. But just 2 years later it's like something changed in my brain and I was okay with being done.
I was okay with not having a new baby. In fact, the thought of having one was pretty terrifying and suffocating.

I will always somewhat mourn that child I never was able to conceive. But I am feeling MILES better about this these days. I am 100% confident that I no longer want another kid.

I hope you are able to come to a similar place.

[Anonymous]

I too am experiencing secondary infertility and am feeling exactly this same way today. Boy, am I ever. I have had two back to back miscarriages. Just this week I just had day 3 testing and I can now see my future prospects for a healthy pregnancy with my own egg are next to nil. It's beyond tough to stomach this realization. Even though I know there are many others experiencing secondary infertility,I have no such friends in my everyday life and feel very alone. Adoption and DE perhaps remain options that I have yet to fully explore, but I feel quite paralyzed and very much fear that options for the former are difficult due to my being over 40. I wish I knew people in my everyday life grappling with this to talk to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I too am experiencing secondary infertility and am feeling exactly this same way today. Boy, am I ever. I have had two back to back miscarriages. Just this week I just had day 3 testing and I can now see my future prospects for a healthy pregnancy with my own egg are next to nil. It's beyond tough to stomach this realization. Even though I know there are many others experiencing secondary infertility,I have no such friends in my everyday life and feel very alone. Adoption and DE perhaps remain options that I have yet to fully explore, but I feel quite paralyzed and very much fear that options for the former are difficult due to my being over 40. I wish I knew people in my everyday life grappling with this to talk to.

OP here. I can really relate to your post! If I post an email address would you like to chat by email? I also do not know anyone who is going through secondary infertility and also feel very alone.

[Anonymous]

Don't adopt if that child will be a replacement child. They will know they are the option of last resort and it will harm them greatly. I'm sorry you are hurting but be grateful for what you have.

[Anonymous]

OP, 12:52 here. I would love that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't adopt if that child will be a replacement child. They will know they are the option of last resort and it will harm them greatly. I'm sorry you are hurting but be grateful for what you have.

I didn't take it this way at all. A lot of people who have been to hell and back when facing infertility balk at the idea of adoption because they've already been through so much. Not to mention that adoption is laden with uncertainty (much like infertility - thus compounding the struggle). For many, I think it's an idea of "how much more of this journey can I endure" vs. the idea of getting a "replacement child" because you couldn't biologically have your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, 12:52 here. I would love that.

OP here. Here is my email. I would love to hear from you (not my real name on account) [e-mail]

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also mourn similarly. I'm very sad that I will not be pregnant, have an infant, hold my baby, and go through all those stages again. It's okay to be sad and mourn that. I don't know if it will ever leave me. I try to contrast those feelings with going the extra mile enjoying the moments with the two kids I am SO lucky to have. I didn't know it would be over when I went through mothering babyhood last.

Why did you give up on #3 PP?

[Anonymous]

NP. I am basically ending my IF journey after my next FET. Two remaining embryos were from age 42.7 and 43.2, therefore my odds are probably low. I am currently 43.5. After this transfer, DH and I are not going back to any more fresh cycle nor adaption (we have one child already and wanted a sibling). PP above mentioned about the emotional stage where closer to 40ish was tougher than the age away from 40. I actually feel the same way, too. Between age 40-42 when my body was still somewhat responsive to the injection, my hope was so high. We even had one PGS normal embryo, so you know how much I anticipated from that one normal, however it did not implant. We had our first child thru IVF and it was first try/first success (at age 37). Did not imagine the second time around was this much challenge. After age 42, I started to see the obvious and gradual decline in the number of follicles appearing on Day3 baseline sono, as well as the total number of matured eggs upon retrieval and realized that it is about time to let go....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I am basically ending my IF journey after my next FET. Two remaining embryos were from age 42.7 and 43.2, therefore my odds are probably low. I am currently 43.5. After this transfer, DH and I are not going back to any more fresh cycle nor adaption (we have one child already and wanted a sibling). PP above mentioned about the emotional stage where closer to 40ish was tougher than the age away from 40. I actually feel the same way, too. Between age 40-42 when my body was still somewhat responsive to the injection, my hope was so high. We even had one PGS normal embryo, so you know how much I anticipated from that one normal, however it did not implant. We had our first child thru IVF and it was first try/first success (at age 37). Did not imagine the second time around was this much challenge. After age 42, I started to see the obvious and gradual decline in the number of follicles appearing on Day3 baseline sono, as well as the total number of matured eggs upon retrieval and realized that it is about time to let go....

OP here. I'm wondering what your AMH is, if you don't mind sharing? Mine is .3 (diagnosed at age 38). Now at 40 it has actually gone up to .6 but it hasn't made a difference in my lack of ability to get any BFPs.

[j2415]

Coping with infertility is difficult. I experience that before I got pregnant with my son, I had infertility treatments for 2 years. Every cycle I was expecting that baby would be conceived and it made me sad when it turn out to be negative. I have only one child and also in my 40s and going to menopause.

Praying for you that you will experience God’s love and comfort as you go through this. He knows everything you are going through and understands how you exactly feel. Thank you for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I'm wondering what your AMH is, if you don't mind sharing? Mine is .3 (diagnosed at age 38). Now at 40 it has actually gone up to .6 but it hasn't made a difference in my lack of ability to get any BFPs.

Of course. My AMH were: 37=1.5 ng/ml; 40=1.1 ng/ml; 41 =1.3 ng/ml; 42=0.9 ng/ml; 43=0.7ng/ml
I was able to produce 8+ follicles between 40-42, but nearing 43, only about 4~5 (of which, just 2-3 matured eggs, then no fertilization at all in one cycle in 42). I also recently had Sonohysterography to prep for the FET. This was done 9 days into the menses cycle and RE could only find 4 measurable follicles in one ovary and not much activities in other ovary. So, hypothetically speaking, even if my ovary is put to another fresh cycle with injections, the most I could get would be only 4 and with my track record, I am not so optimistic.