What does your husband do to take care of you?

[Anonymous]

Do you feel taken care of by him? If so, how, specifically?

I am in charge of virtually everything in our lives. Something happened recently to cement that sensation (details are unimportant.). I realized that I do not feel cared for by DH. I do not feel I can trust him to take care of things.

Our sex life is nonexistent right now. This is not unrelated. There is nothing sexy about a man who doesn't take care of you.

What kinds of things does your DH do to take care of you and your marriage?

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat, OP. He shows zero attention or affection to me. I do everything.

[Anonymous]

Turns the espresso maker on in the morning and gets the espresso ready for when I get up.

Offers to cut veggies for omeletts on weekends.

Asks what he can do to help.

Offers to take me out to dinner on Friday and Saturday nights.

Offers to make something special on Sunday nights - something like grilled lamb or filets (I take care of our meals M-Thurs).

[Anonymous]

It doesn't really matter what other husbands do: what specifically do you want him to do, and what do you want to handle yourself?

I guess the universal thing that could maybe apply to your marriage is we have a lot of sex. But having been in relationships where I am not attracted to my partner, I know that it's unrealistic to expect you to have a lot of sex with someone you resent. People always say sex is what makes their marriage good, but it might be the other way around: that there is a lot of sex in good marriages.

[Anonymous]

Feminism Baw!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat, OP. He shows zero attention or affection to me. I do everything.

Same here but I am a man so change the he to she.

[Anonymous]

We have a cycle of DH helps very little-- resentment -- less frequent sex -- argument/discussion -- he does more -- back to square one as his support becomes less frequent.

DH is the financier. He makes 90% of the money and pays for most of our expenses. Otherwise he will drop or pickup kids 1x week, feed dogs in AM 2-3x week, make dinner 0-1x week, take out trash 0-1x week. Das it friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a cycle of DH helps very little-- resentment -- less frequent sex -- argument/discussion -- he does more -- back to square one as his support becomes less frequent.

DH is the financier. He makes 90% of the money and pays for most of our expenses. Otherwise he will drop or pickup kids 1x week, feed dogs in AM 2-3x week, make dinner 0-1x week, take out trash 0-1x week. Das it friends.

^^that said he wants to initiate sex all the time. Shows affection when he wants sex and occasional hug or how was work.

[Anonymous]

He rubs my feet at night.
We hug tell each other "I love you" frequently.
We go on evening walks together.
He usually initiates, but sometimes I do.
He has my back and I have his. This was especially important last year when my father was living with us and was declining. He was great.

[Anonymous]

Always deals with the car - oil changes, repairs. Drives me to the metro a few times a week.

[Anonymous]

My DH would not show initiative on household things. So I ask him. Nicely. Or a good strong hint. The trick for the household stuff is to ask it with a deadline and then say NOTHING else. Honey could you do the dishes before you go to bed?

We tell each other I love you frequently and have lots of touch and sex.

We have a little inside joke and can say "i need to be specialed" for me that means nice restaurant and flowers or he takes the kids out for several hours. For him it means nice takeout and a BJ.

It works. I don't expect him to read my mind.

[Anonymous]

Cooks meals most nights.

Gives daughter her bath so I get 'me' time.

Rubs my back while I read at night.

Little things ...

[Anonymous]

It's hard to explain. We support each other. He jokes that I enjoy giving him shit jobs. He's right. I deal with major stuff. Our banter works for us. I'm better at dealing with macro, him minor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Our sex life is nonexistent right now. This is not unrelated. There is nothing sexy about a man who doesn't take care of you.

You realize there's a catch-22 there, right?

You don't want to have sex with him because he's not taking care of you. He doesn't want to take care of you because you're not having sex with him.

If a woman is affectionate and responds enthusiastically to a man's sexual advances, he will pay attention to her and cherish her.

If a woman is cold and rejects sex, he has no reason to pay attention to her or take care of her.

[Anonymous]

He makes coffee in a to-go cup for me every morning. He packs breakfast and lunch for the whole family every day. He cooks all of our meals and puts gas in my car whenever he sees it is under half a tank.

He's not the breadwinner,but I truly feel like I won the lottery.