Inherited ASD. So guilty. Warn adult child considering marriage?

[Anonymous]

My grandson has ASD, high functioning. I can now see that I have many of the same behaviors (socially very awkward, repetitive motion) and it was probably inherited. His mom, my daughter, would also likely have been diagnosed ASD. Now my adult son is considering marriage. I don't think he knows about this issue. I'm not sure whether to discuss it or suggest that he discuss it with his girl friend. What to do?

[Anonymous]

If the girl will have him, she probably knows he is odd and loves him for his strengths. You do realize that people with asbergers are lovable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the girl will have him, she probably knows he is odd and loves him for his strengths. You do realize that people with asbergers are lovable?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandson has ASD, high functioning. I can now see that I have many of the same behaviors (socially very awkward, repetitive motion) and it was probably inherited. His mom, my daughter, would also likely have been diagnosed ASD. Now my adult son is considering marriage. I don't think he knows about this issue. I'm not sure whether to discuss it or suggest that he discuss it with his girl friend. What to do?

what would you do? stop your son from having children? why? because he is not perfect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the girl will have him, she probably knows he is odd and loves him for his strengths. You do realize that people with asbergers are lovable?

+1

+2 I adore my DH who probably has Asperger's and is just like his dad. Our DS who has an official ASD/ADHD diagnosis is just like DH and he brings us a lot of joy. DS probably gets the ADHD frrom me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandson has ASD, high functioning. I can now see that I have many of the same behaviors (socially very awkward, repetitive motion) and it was probably inherited. His mom, my daughter, would also likely have been diagnosed ASD. Now my adult son is considering marriage. I don't think he knows about this issue. I'm not sure whether to discuss it or suggest that he discuss it with his girl friend. What to do?

Take your well meaning intentions and shove them where the sun don't shine.

It's not your business.

Genes are unpredictable as is environment.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all comments. I find this greatly encouraging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandson has ASD, high functioning. I can now see that I have many of the same behaviors (socially very awkward, repetitive motion) and it was probably inherited. His mom, my daughter, would also likely have been diagnosed ASD. Now my adult son is considering marriage. I don't think he knows about this issue. I'm not sure whether to discuss it or suggest that he discuss it with his girl friend. What to do?

Take your well meaning intentions and shove them where the sun don't shine.

It's not your business.

Genes are unpredictable as is environment.

I hadn't seen this comment when I said "thanks." I am well intentioned and asking for advice but I don't need your abuse.

[Anonymous]

Everyone has their challenges. You might enjoy reading Neurotribes.

[Anonymous]

By the way, it's not my son who has ASD, it's my grandson, daughter, me and probably my deceased mom.

[Anonymous]

My son and husband have Asperger's tendencies.

First, I would like to thank you, OP, for being informed and forward-thinking. No grandparents I know understand or care about these things! So I'm going to talk to you like you're a fellow biologist

Second, genetic diversity is valuable, because it brings an increased chance of survival when environmental pressures threaten specie survival. With climate change, we might not be that far off from needing survivalist techniques! The value of being on the spectrum is being able to think outside the box and use logic without social or emotional bias in circumstances when others may not. The downside is not being able to connect with people and constantly feeling like an outsider.

Third, there is much less stigma around mental health and neurological differences than there was previously. Any Aspie offspring will likely be diagnosed, socialized and valued for what they can bring to society.

So don't worry too much! I have always talked to my son about our family traits, because he's a little Professor (of course, he's Aspie): he has a higher order of understanding, and is very interested in these things. In your son's case, this would not be to dissuade him from marriage or to guide his choice. Just so that he can understand his relatives better, and prepare his future wife for her wacky in-laws

[Anonymous]

Here is an interesting article by John Elder Robison about neurodiversity, and what the next steps should be for the autism community after getting to "awareness" of ASDs. It came to mind because there seems to be a blurring of the lines above between "Asperger's tendencies"/wackiness and diagnosed Asperger's, and an emphasis on the strengths it can bring without acknowledging the very real, and often debilitating, challenges it brings:

With respect to autism awareness, one thing that troubles me is what I see as the growing dismissal of our very real and varied disabilities thanks to our success promoting our exceptionalities. Many of us have written and spoken about how autism makes us think differently, and how that different thinking has facilitated the success of some of us. Most of the people I know who speak of exceptionality also stress disability – I know I do. However, I see a growing perception that autism is all Sheldon from Big Bang, and other popular culture caricatures. That could not be farther from the truth for a majority of our population.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/my-life-aspergers/201704/the-controversy-around-autism-and-neurodiversity

[Anonymous]

Hi OP - I also come from a family of Asperger people. I didn't know this until very recently. Many in my family have it, with the most recent 2 generations having confirmed diagnoses for multiple family members. Had I been informed, or known there was an inheritable genetic basis for this, I would have been more prepared for my Aspergers child, felt less alone, less scared... made different choices? Maybe.

I don't know what you do with this information/revelation you have. I struggle with whether I should "share" the same info with extended family so they can be prepared as well.

I have no answers for you or myself. Just wanted to acknowledge that while some are shooting off answers w/o being in this position, that I am in the same/similar position as well. I have not disclosed to more than a very close circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandson has ASD, high functioning. I can now see that I have many of the same behaviors (socially very awkward, repetitive motion) and it was probably inherited. His mom, my daughter, would also likely have been diagnosed ASD. Now my adult son is considering marriage. I don't think he knows about this issue. I'm not sure whether to discuss it or suggest that he discuss it with his girl friend. What to do?

Take your well meaning intentions and shove them where the sun don't shine.

It's not your business.

Genes are unpredictable as is environment.

I hadn't seen this comment when I said "thanks." I am well intentioned and asking for advice but I don't need your abuse.

Well, I'm sick and tired of the eugenics attitude toward autism. The DSM is a big fat book with lots of stuff that can go wrong. You can't prevent it all. And what exactly do you think a chat with him at this point will do? Congrats on your marriage, but don't have kids?

[Anonymous]

You don't have to jump to eugenics. If a family knows there is a genetic predisposition, they can get screened earlier, put therapies in place, school supports, etc... And, while ASD in some people is high-IQ, in some others it is more debilitating. That is the truth of the spectrum. Information is power. But it is an awesome power to either share or not share because of the potential damage to how that information is received.