Traveling to grandparents but they are not equipped for toddler
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Anonymous
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We are traveling to the West Coast this summer with our 3 year old to visit my parents. The issue is that they have nothing at their house for a toddler. They want me to stay for a week but they have a) no toys, b) live in a 55 plus non walkable community, c) no yard, d) not willing to child proof, etc. It's a long flight so I feel like going for 3 days is a waste because of the jet lag, etc. but they are constantly nagging me to fly out there with toddler for a visit. We see them twice a year, they come visit us. They have no family out there so it's not like we can visit family while we're there.
How long should I go for and what should I do about the toys issue? They refuse to get any kind of used toys and don't know anyone with grandkids in their new area. I am flying by myself and only plan to bring one small suitcase so I can't fit many toys. At home we have a big playroom filled with toys and I worry that my son is not going to do well visiting the Grandparents due to lack of toys, no other kids to play with, etc. How should I deal with this visit? |
Anonymous
| He is three. He doesn't need a houseful of toys. Or a million kids to okay with him. Take him to a park. Let him play with pots and pans. All of you can go visit something local. |
Anonymous
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Your son brings a backpack of toys (he'll want them on the plane anyway), and you hit up Target when you get there to pick up a few things. I guarntee they have paper and pens. My 3 year old is often happiest playing with our toilet plunger-so if you're a little creative you can find wants to play with things that aren't toys. Tupperware makes a great drum set, for example.
Do a little research on nearby playgrounds, museums, or other places that you can go on outings (because it sounds like your parents won't know). Does their community have a pool? Maybe combine a few days visit with them with a few days visiting something near them. If you post the general area, people may be able to help with suggestions. |
Anonymous
Yes, we do plan to sightsee (though they live in a tiny town with very little to do) but he doesn't nap so he is awake for 12 hours in the day. They like to spend most of the day at home so I will be trying to entertain a toddler at their house at least 10 hours a day (and of course my parents refuse to help watch him). My son is not the type to play with pots and pans. He likes his train table at home. I am dreading this trip quite frankly. |
Anonymous
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When I traveled with my boys when they were little, I had each of them take a kid sized carry on suitcase on wheels. They could pack whatever they wanted that could pass through security, including snacks. They were responsible for their own entertainment - I suggested things, of course and always bought them play doh because I hated it and never had it at home. You can put a lot in one of those little bags and the plus is that having to pull a bag of their favorite things made they easier to keep things under control in the airport.
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Anonymous
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Why are you going?
My parents town is like this and they stay inside most of the day. When I roll into town, I put all the breakables on a high shelf and make sure there is no obvious danger (asked my dad where he keeps his gun). Then we get up and say, today the kids and I are going for a walk, we'll come home and color/do a puzzle, watch tv and go get ice cream after dinner. Tomorrow I'm taking them to the zoo. Would you like to join us? Then just do you and let the parents do what they do. Make it work or don't go. |
Anonymous
| Then tell your parents you don't want to go. Lay out your reasons like you did in your post. You are an adult. Your parents don't get to tell you what to go, |
Anonymous
OP here. I am going because they have been constantly nagging me for 3 years to bring him to come visit. I have no familiarity with this town or the area (my parents retired there 10 years ago from the midwest) so I really don't feel comfortable driving around there on my own with a toddler. Besides watching a ton of TV there they have very little to do in their area. No pool, nothing to walk to (they live in the mountains and their town is a 20 minute drive away). No sidewalks, small neighborhood, no kids in the neighborhood. The thought of entertaining a cranky, jet lagged 3 year old for 12 hours a day with no help (and very little toys) sounds exhausting. Yes, we will bring a suitcase full of toys and I will stop at Target on the way there but I don't know how long to go (a week seems too long, but 3 days given the distance seems too short). |
Anonymous
| Just order a bunch of new toys on Amazon, have them delivered in advance, and then just ship them to your home score you leave. It's not a big deal OP. No one is going to hold you and your toddler hostage indoors for 10 hours at a time. Go out, take drives in the countryside, something. |
Anonymous
Download a navigation app and drive him places. Some of the things you are saying are ridiculous. |
Anonymous
Then this is on you. Why can't you drive around a new area? My toddler would love to go out exploring. |
Anonymous
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When was the last time you visited them with your child?
Sounds like some of this might be more your own reluctance than what will actually happen. |
Anonymous
Stop OP. You do not have to go because someone is nagging you. Seriously. Do as PP suggested and be an adult. "I know you want us to visit, but it's just not feasible while Larlo is so young. I promise we'll come when he starts school in a couple of years. So did Aunt Jane have fun on her trip to Bermuda..." |
Anonymous
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I understand, OP, because I have nagging parents who don't understand boundaries and don't listen to me.
Honestly, just telling them what you told us in the post is the best thing you can do. You are an adult and you don't have to let them manipulate you through nagging. You don't have to go. And otherwise your concerns are silly. A three year old can entertain himself with anything. At that age my kids would get in the pantry and roll around cans of tomato sauce. And if your parents refuse to child proof and your kid breaks their stuff, then lesson learned. And kids don't get that jet-lagged, they sleep whenever they want. That is part of the joy of being a kid. |
Anonymous
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OP, you can be a grown-up or you can be a whiny victim. No one is forcing you to go. Tell your parents that you look forward to visiting them when ds is a couple of years older and travel across country is easier.
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