How worried were you, and how did things work out?

[Anonymous]

We're just heading into the college hunt for our oldest, and I'd love some wisdom from those of you on the other side of the process.

[Anonymous]

How old is your oldest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your oldest?

A junior. Self-motivated, great grades, great SAT scores. We've done some college tours and figured out the general size/location/vibe aspects of a good match. We've also discussed the need for safeties and at least one in-state option (if you don't love an expensive place, let's save the $$).

[Anonymous]

Not very worried. Figured that each of our kids would get into good schools and would do well once they got there.

Then again, we are not the type of people who obsess over stuff like that. Our kids are all self motivated so we counseled, guided and provided an atmosphere that allowed them to decompress from all the inherent pressure of the process.

It worked out well. All of them got into good schools and ended up attending their first or second choice.

[Anonymous]

What is your budget?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your budget?

Thanks for taking such an interest. I'm not looking for advice specific to our situation; I'd much rather hear about other people's experiences, liberally sprinkled with 20/20 hindsight.

[Anonymous]

You definitely need a financial safety. A school that is not only a safety for admissions, but that you can also afford and that your kid will attend if all else fails.

The other challenge is that at the top end of the pool, there are no matches, only reaches and likelies. A kid can statistically match up for Georgetown or Wesleyan (e.g.), but those are still reaches for everyone.

[Anonymous]

My parents told me through the process that there was not "one" school where I would be happy, but "many" schools where I would be happy. I think that's totally true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your oldest?

A junior. Self-motivated, great grades, great SAT scores. We've done some college tours and figured out the general size/location/vibe aspects of a good match. We've also discussed the need for safeties and at least one in-state option (if you don't love an expensive place, let's save the $$).

At this point, the hardest work has been done. Now you can kick back, your DC can apply to colleges and see where he/she gets accepted, then choose the best option from those schools (both academically/socially and budget wise).

[Anonymous]

Not worried at all. I have four in or through college. All selected public schools that they loved and knew they would easily get in to. All four were a great match. I trust my kids to find their own paths with encouragement and support from us. We were fairly hands off during the college selection process.

[Anonymous]

I was very worried, mostly because that's my personality type. My child had very high stats and grades, no hooks (other than legacy at the SLACs we attended), and unremarkable ECs. I found that talking to folks who had been through it, carefully reviewing Naviance results for schools my kid was potentially interested in, and spending a lot of time on College Confidential was useful in helping my child come up with a well-balanced list. It all worked out well, and in line with my predictions. I talked about some of the specifics on the "Surprises?" thread, but thought I'd share some general advice:

People who have been through it often say that you should start by researching safeties heavily, and learn to love the ones on your list. I completely agree. A lot of really talented kids end up shut out at all but their safeties, or find them the only affordable option, so you ideally want to think of them as a place you could be really happy to attend.

If you don't have hooks, truly astonishing ECs, or attend a known feeder school, you are very unlikely to be accepted to an Ivy or other highly selective school no matter your grades or scores. By all means apply, but be realistic about your chances. Don't take it personally if you are rejected. It's not a referendum on how capable or talented you are. Be aware that some majors, like CS or engineering are extremely competitive, so you may need to expand your list and add additional safeties if those are your preferred options.

Apply to schools with early action or rolling admissions if at all possible. Even if you are applying Early Decision or Single Choice Early Action, most schools will allow you to apply to a public university with rolling admissions (check the terms of the ED/SCEA requirements carefully). It is a huge relief to get good news early in the process rather than waiting until the end of March.

Read each school's Common Data Set closely to see what things the school thinks are Very Important, Important, or Considered. If a school says it takes interest into account and you want to go there, then show interest ( for example, visiting campus for an official tour, arranging for an on- or off-campus interview, attending info sessions at your school or in your town, emailing the admissions office or your regional admissions rep frequently (but not so often that you make a nuisance of yourself)). You can do searches online to get a sense of which schools are particularly focused on interest.

If you need financial aid to make school affordable, start early in researching merit and scholarship options for your child. Make sure your child has a realistic sense of what schools will be in the family budget. Don't ignore schools with great honor programs that offer full tuition scholarships for high stats kids, like University of Alabama. There are a bunch.

[Anonymous]

My DS is now a freshman in college.

My advice mostly relates to money, so is only applicable to people with concerns about paying for college. First and foremost, to figure out what your estimated EFC is as soon as possible. Use the net price calculators that colleges have on their websites. And once you know how much private colleges are likely to expect you to pay, be honest with yourself about whether you can afford to pay that much. If you can't afford it, then be honest with your child about the situation. Do not encourage your child to apply to her dream school without being clear about your ability to pay.

And then, back those statements up with ACTION. If you tell your child that you might not be able to afford these wonderful schools, but then spend all your time touring them and discussing pros and cons of them, you are sending the message that your words are not meaningful; you are allowing them to imagine the money thing isn't real. Show that you mean what you say, so that you are managing expectations: Spend as much time finding a good safety as you do looking at dream schools.

And even if you have no concerns about ability to pay, I would say it is still important to spend time finding a good safety. Your should encourage your kid to build the list from the bottom up--find some good safeties, then focus on matches, and then dream some dreams.

[Anonymous]

Choosing which school to apply to EA was stressful and went down to the wire. In the weeks between the application and the admissions decision, DC became increasingly convinced that she had made the right choice. Got in, accepted the offer, game over. So we got off easy.

We actually enjoyed the process of figuring out safeties and DC would have be delighted to attend hers. That probably made the whole process less fraught. Worst case scenario felt great. Work to get to that place is my best BTDT advice.

I probably worried less about DC getting into a good school than I did about her being happy at the college she chose, but that has worked out well too. The whole process can be a growth year for the parents as well as the kid, LOL. It becomes increasingly clear just how much your kid is not (either of) you!

[Anonymous]

I wasn't worried at all. My kid went to a mediocre public school, graduated at the top of his class without any force from us. He reached for the Ivys without our direction. He attended Harvard with about 95% paid by scholarships and grants. He graduated and has been very successful.

Easy peasy kid. But that being said. We would have been OK with UVA, Tech, JMU. He would be successful in life no matter where he attended. Many kids are like that.

[Anonymous]

I am a Foreign Service Officer and gave my DD the same advise we are given on assignment bidding. Do not put any school on the list you would not be happy to attend and do not apply to any school you would not be happy to attend b/c you very much might end up there.

And let your kid be in the driver's seat.