Declined job but asked to reconsider

[Anonymous]

I was offered a promotion to be a manager but declined due to a number of things:

1) I currently don't have any work life balance. I don't have support or back up in my role so I'm always stressed out and overwhelmed. I've been trying to get out for years but a new promotion/raise always comes along when I get really fed up so I end up staying on for another few years. However, lately it's become pretty toxic and I find myself in tears on the way home most nights. It really bothers my husband which of course upsets me even further. So, of course, as the cycle goes, I'm once again offered a promotion for a significant title/raise but I don't know if I can stay knowing that I would be responsible for cleaning up a major mess, dealing with staff I don't trust (they turned on me when I was supervising for a brief period of time last year) and managing my level of stress.

2) My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant and we will have our IVF transfer in a couple weeks. So it's important that I reduce my stress level as much as possible. If all goes well, we would be pregnant and we have discussed me quitting my job to stay with the baby for the first year or two. There's no guarantee IVF would work but it didn't seem right to take the job knowing I'd possibly leave in less than a year. I would still need them as references and I don't want to burn any bridges.

So I declined but they really want me to give it some extra thought. I came to work with my decision made but left work even more uncertain. If I don't take the job, I would have a new boss and who knows how that would work out? I could still be doing the same level of work or more and without the money to go with it and be more miserable than I am now. What if we never had kids and I passed on this opportunity? What if I can't find a job i when I want to return to the work after having kids?

Just curious if anyone had similar experiences and what would you do.

[Anonymous]

Lean in. Reassess as necessary.

The kind of stress you are supposed to avoid in a precarious pregnancy isn't "I am soooo busy at work" stress. It's serious fight-or-flight type stress. I'm assuming your promotion isn't sending you into a war zone, right?

[Anonymous]

Career coach here. Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. Never accept an offer as it is presented to you. If you are interested in the position, use their persistence to your advantage. Request more leave, request a higher salary, request telework/flex work options. Request an assistant or admin to handle the small things so that you can focus on the important tasks.

Think about what is causing you to be stressed at work. Is it the actual work? Is it the people? Is it the long hours and no flexibility? Do you enjoy this field? Do you want a future with the company or in the industry? Pinpoint exactly what is stressing you and brainstorm ways to relieve the stress (such as those identified above).

[Anonymous]

You need to take the job. You can always lean out.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you'll be stressed whether you stay in your current role or take the promotion.

I am NOT a "Lean In always" person, but in this case -- you're going to be stressed either way. Get the promotion and the pay, and you'll be in a better position to move on to your next position. You do NOT need to worry about "only" staying a year and then moving on. Not your problem. They'd cut you tomorrow if it was better for them.

If your current job was cushy and you were happy, I'd agree with declining. But it isn't. Take the promotion and figure it out, you'll have a better footing to negotiate your next move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you'll be stressed whether you stay in your current role or take the promotion.

I am NOT a "Lean In always" person, but in this case -- you're going to be stressed either way. Get the promotion and the pay, and you'll be in a better position to move on to your next position. You do NOT need to worry about "only" staying a year and then moving on. Not your problem. They'd cut you tomorrow if it was better for them.

If your current job was cushy and you were happy, I'd agree with declining. But it isn't. Take the promotion and figure it out, you'll have a better footing to negotiate your next move.

+1 to all of this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Career coach here. Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. Never accept an offer as it is presented to you. If you are interested in the position, use their persistence to your advantage. Request more leave, request a higher salary, request telework/flex work options. Request an assistant or admin to handle the small things so that you can focus on the important tasks.

Think about what is causing you to be stressed at work. Is it the actual work? Is it the people? Is it the long hours and no flexibility? Do you enjoy this field? Do you want a future with the company or in the industry? Pinpoint exactly what is stressing you and brainstorm ways to relieve the stress (such as those identified above).

Career coach start a new thread please! Id love to pick? your brain

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Career coach here. Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. Never accept an offer as it is presented to you. If you are interested in the position, use their persistence to your advantage. Request more leave, request a higher salary, request telework/flex work options. Request an assistant or admin to handle the small things so that you can focus on the important tasks.

Think about what is causing you to be stressed at work. Is it the actual work? Is it the people? Is it the long hours and no flexibility? Do you enjoy this field? Do you want a future with the company or in the industry? Pinpoint exactly what is stressing you and brainstorm ways to relieve the stress (such as those identified above).

Yes I agree with this! Tell them what it will take for you to accept the position.

Look forward to hearing more from the Career Coach in the future!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Career coach here. Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. Never accept an offer as it is presented to you. If you are interested in the position, use their persistence to your advantage. Request more leave, request a higher salary, request telework/flex work options. Request an assistant or admin to handle the small things so that you can focus on the important tasks.

Think about what is causing you to be stressed at work. Is it the actual work? Is it the people? Is it the long hours and no flexibility? Do you enjoy this field? Do you want a future with the company or in the industry? Pinpoint exactly what is stressing you and brainstorm ways to relieve the stress (such as those identified above).

Do an AMA thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Career coach here. Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. Never accept an offer as it is presented to you. If you are interested in the position, use their persistence to your advantage. Request more leave, request a higher salary, request telework/flex work options. Request an assistant or admin to handle the small things so that you can focus on the important tasks.

Think about what is causing you to be stressed at work. Is it the actual work? Is it the people? Is it the long hours and no flexibility? Do you enjoy this field? Do you want a future with the company or in the industry? Pinpoint exactly what is stressing you and brainstorm ways to relieve the stress (such as those identified above).

THIS. If they asked you to reconsider, then you have leverage -- USE IT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Career coach here. Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. Never accept an offer as it is presented to you. If you are interested in the position, use their persistence to your advantage. Request more leave, request a higher salary, request telework/flex work options. Request an assistant or admin to handle the small things so that you can focus on the important tasks.

Think about what is causing you to be stressed at work. Is it the actual work? Is it the people? Is it the long hours and no flexibility? Do you enjoy this field? Do you want a future with the company or in the industry? Pinpoint exactly what is stressing you and brainstorm ways to relieve the stress (such as those identified above).

Career coach start a new thread please! Id love to pick? your brain

+1000!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was offered a promotion to be a manager but declined due to a number of things:

1) I currently don't have any work life balance. I don't have support or back up in my role so I'm always stressed out and overwhelmed. I've been trying to get out for years but a new promotion/raise always comes along when I get really fed up so I end up staying on for another few years. However, lately it's become pretty toxic and I find myself in tears on the way home most nights. It really bothers my husband which of course upsets me even further. So, of course, as the cycle goes, I'm once again offered a promotion for a significant title/raise but I don't know if I can stay knowing that I would be responsible for cleaning up a major mess, dealing with staff I don't trust (they turned on me when I was supervising for a brief period of time last year) and managing my level of stress.

2) My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant and we will have our IVF transfer in a couple weeks. So it's important that I reduce my stress level as much as possible. If all goes well, we would be pregnant and we have discussed me quitting my job to stay with the baby for the first year or two. There's no guarantee IVF would work but it didn't seem right to take the job knowing I'd possibly leave in less than a year. I would still need them as references and I don't want to burn any bridges.

So I declined but they really want me to give it some extra thought. I came to work with my decision made but left work even more uncertain. If I don't take the job, I would have a new boss and who knows how that would work out? I could still be doing the same level of work or more and without the money to go with it and be more miserable than I am now. What if we never had kids and I passed on this opportunity? What if I can't find a job i when I want to return to the work after having kids?

Just curious if anyone had similar experiences and what would you do.

I think you would be crazy not to take it. As someone said, if you were happy in your current job, that would be one thing, but you're not. Worst case scenario, you hate your promotion so you go look for a new job with a more senior title and higher base salary to start from.

I would only decline the job if you actually had another external job already in your pocket.

[Anonymous]

Take it! I declined a job due to being pregnant, and was asked to reconsider. I did, partly because the fact they were asking me to reconsider and knew my circumstances made me think it would be a good fit. It was a very good decision for me.

[Anonymous]

Take the job. It took me 7 rounds of IVF to get pregnant. Don't pass up stuff because of the "what if." On another note, your job sounds toxic. Take the role and look for a new job if your still miserable. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

It sounds like they really want you. Could you negotiate to make the position better? Better hours? More pay? Flextime? Vacation? Part time?



You may not get pregnant. Dont plan around that. If you need to quit later, whatever. Life happens.