Single mom and preteen son (only child)

[Anonymous]

Hi all, I am a single mom of a 11 yo DS (5th grade) who is very mature for his age. He acts and looks more like a 13 year old. He even has a girlfriend. Not even kidding.

DS has little to zero interest in doing almost anything with me besides going to movies or watching sports on TV, playing Pokemon Go, or going out to eat. I understand that developmentally they do pull away, but I just don't know what to do with him on the weekends I have him now. He has very few friends, so when they are out of town or not available, we are SOL. He ends up spending way too much time on his device, and I don't know how to keep him busy in a healthy way. He is in soccer but that's one game per weekend and then we have the whole damn weekend yawning ahead of us. He gets very angry and entitled if he is bored, but he has no idea how to entertain himself. I was an only child and I get that it was a different time, but I had no problem entertaining myself for hours.

I feel like I have to go crazy being his social director on the weekends and it's super miserable.

Has anyone else faced anything like this? Thanks!!

[Anonymous]

Play a board game, take a hike, visit a museum? Take a day trip? Sporting event?

[Anonymous]

Thanks - OP here. All of those things are possible, but he will have a bad attitude unless a friend of his is also along, so I still have to make that happen. I guess it goes with the territory.

[Anonymous]

How about more structured activities? That might also be a way to make more friends.

It could be another sport, a club, volunteer work, etc. Take a class together But schedule things if the weekends are yawning. I try to do that even with my little kids.

[Anonymous]

You just need to get a thicker skin and power through the bad attitude! I find that being outdoors and away from all electronics eventually puts kids in a better mood. It does take some planning, though.

[Anonymous]

He needs to cut the attitude. Also, you can take him to the farmer's market, cook with him, take him to the library, etc. He needs to be more grateful and stop bitching so much. Electronics are a privilege, not a right.

[Anonymous]

Our DD is only 5 so not where you are yet but she loves going on hikes. I am hoping it is something we can do together when she is older. We did 2 this past weekend, she loves going to Great Falls and climbing on the rocks.

[Anonymous]

Another single mom of an 11 yr old boy. Mine is with me 24/7 so I don't put up with his attitude. He just earned electronics back after a long stretch of not having them due to sassiness with me. I would recommend a sport that is all year long and then he can be busy with that and have a new source for friends. We go to tournaments one weekend a month so that kills some time. We also go hiking, to DC, to visit family in Philly, to the movies,etc. It's okay to have down time but don't just let him zone out for the entire weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DD is only 5 so not where you are yet but she loves going on hikes. I am hoping it is something we can do together when she is older. We did 2 this past weekend, she loves going to Great Falls and climbing on the rocks.

This was helpful to OP how exactly?

PS - your kid won't be the same as a tween as she is as a 5 year old.

[Anonymous]

You can't really change the attitude--you just have to ride the wave.

Also, set limits on the electronic devices. He'll find a way to entertain himself and don't worry if he doesn't. That's okay. But he needs to have consistency, which also means you need to be consistent too. Screen limits for him means you can't be staring at your phone all the time.

Have him do household chores. Teach him how to do laundry.

Make a ritual for the weekend, like movie night or game night--play chess or card games. Farmers market and learning how to cook. Riff off your interests as well as his.

[Anonymous]

What a challenging age, no matter the parenting and time circumstances! Try not to take it personally that he wants a friend to come along…that is probably very typical of kids that age, and just a part of his normal routine.

Have you ever heard of the ‘5 Love Languages for Children’? It allows you to dig in to how your child expresses love, and therefore would like to receive and feel love.

Might be an option to help you plan activities and give you ideas to maximize your time together.

[Anonymous]

I was a Middle School teacher. Ignore the attitude he gives you. Just keep interacting like the eye rolls never happened. Yes, you should have boundaries, but they should be for things like cursing at you or slamming doors. Silent trestment, shrugging, eye rolling-ignore ignore ignore. I saw more parents destroy the relationship with their teen over the stupidest stuff. Do not turn it into a power struggle. You might win the battle, but you'll lose the war.