Finding out the sex - what would you do?

[Anonymous]

I posted a few weeks ago about a bad experience we had at our 20 wk. u/s where the male tech, we believe, slipped and told us what we are having against our wishes by referring to the baby as a "he" (well "'em" was the exact term he used) right after he looked at the sex of the baby. (Previous he had only used the terms "it" or "baby.") This is our second child (#1 is a boy) and after a bit of sadness at realizing that I'll never have a daughter, am starting to look forward to seeing my son with a brother. Point being - I have pretty much convinced myself (DH is about 90% convinced) that we are having a boy based on what the tech said. I refer to the baby as "he," every time I think of the future I envision two boys, etc. Though note that we have not told any of our family, etc. what happened at the u/s so they believe that we know nothing and aren't finding out, as planned.

What I'm struggling with now is that we have another u/s scheduled in two weeks because they need some additional shots they couldn't get last time. If you were in our situation, would you go ahead at this point and asked to be told the sex outright at the next u/s? DH is leaning yes but wants to do whatever I want to do. On one hand I feel like yes, we should just go ahead and have confirmed what I feel we already know but the other says why not continue waiting and see it through to the end as originally planned - even if we do believe it's a boy?

As I said, curious for opinions here. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I would say: yes b/c you are assuming a lot just based on a word the tech said, you might be wrong, and knowing for sure will just set the record straight so you won't spend the rest of the pregnancy second guessing...

[Anonymous]

I would also say "yes". If you and your DH are correct and it's a boy, then you can stop second guessing or wondering. Also it will give you plenty of time to sort out whatever emotions you experience without the veil of postpartum hormones. Besides, you and DH could be wrong and who wants to spend any extra time worrying about something unnessecarily. From your post, it sounds like knowing the gender might just help you and DH relax a little more. You deserve that.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would want to know. Esp. at this point after your prev u/s.

[Anonymous]

I think you should find out what it is. Then you can wipe this worry from your mind once and for all.

And I promise you that when your baby comes out, you will NOT be thinking "wow, that wasn't so exciting since we already knew"

I guarantee that it will still be a magical, wonderful moment

[Anonymous]

i say no. But have the tech write the sex down for you and keep it in an envelope. Then, if you really, really, really want to know open it.

[Anonymous]

I say no, but I'm not finding out myself, but my mom knows and I think she slipped. I'm not bent out of shape. I'm 75% certain of the gender, but I still have that 25% that thinks I might not be correct. I don't really see the point in knowing, there is nothing different I'm going to do based on gender.

[Anonymous]

I say yes. I had people say to me - oh can't you wait another few months?. Um, actually I waited more than 30 years to find out what I was having, so no I can't! I was ecstatic the day I was going to find out the gender. I didn't sleep the night before, I was so nervous the baby was going to turn or sit funny so we couldn't see. And well, I KNEW I was having a boy and had to settle the bet with my friend who swore it was a girl. But the best part was seeing my husband tear up when the showed us it was a boy!

[Anonymous]

I say yes!

[Anonymous]

I just had the 20 week u/s last Friday...to be honest, we wanted to find out but even if we had not, it was very obviously a girl on the screen! I know this isn't always the case (the angle of the baby, where they are positioned, etc.) but it is something to think about.

[Anonymous]

At this point, just find out. It's not like knowing the baby's sex will ruin the pregnancy. However, constantly wondering what the tech did or didn't say will probably drive you insane--seems like it already is!

[Anonymous]

as much as i would hate this to happen to me - i really feel for you OP - i would go ahead and find out. you're stressing yourself out about it and stress is not good for your baby.

it's either a boy and you'll feel relief or a girl and you'll be surprised. either way, you'll feel better.

OR go with 22:30's suggestion and have them write it down. that way you and DH can find out when you're ready. personally, the idea of finding out in a dark cramped room doesn't appeal to me. perhaps you could do it over a special dinner or if you want to include family/friends share it with them somehow.

good luck!

[Anonymous]

Yes find out. The tech halfway ruined it for you anyway so at this point just find out and go with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:as much as i would hate this to happen to me - i really feel for you OP - i would go ahead and find out. you're stressing yourself out about it and stress is not good for your baby.

it's either a boy and you'll feel relief or a girl and you'll be surprised. either way, you'll feel better.

OR go with 22:30's suggestion and have them write it down. that way you and DH can find out when you're ready. personally, the idea of finding out in a dark cramped room doesn't appeal to me. perhaps you could do it over a special dinner or if you want to include family/friends share it with them somehow.

good luck!

OP here. You know, I kind of like the envelope suggestion as well and even more, the suggestion of opening it maybe during a special Saturday night dinner with DH when we are alone. I agree that was one of the many reasons we decided not to find out with both kids...it seems much more special to hear it at the delivery from the doctor rather than some random tech in a dark room. In fact, that was the first thought I had when we walked into the room for the 20 wk u/s...I didn't get a good vibe from the guy right off and I thought, "I wouldn't want to hear this news from him anyway..." And BTW, for those who recall my original post - I did call and complain about him (he had made a couple of other questionable comments as well) and the office took it very seriously and said his behavior was not acceptable and that he would be spoken with. They are also not charging us for this next u/s, which I really appreciated (we pay 20% out of pocket for every u/s).
Thanks for the feedback!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say no, but I'm not finding out myself, but my mom knows and I think she slipped. I'm not bent out of shape. I'm 75% certain of the gender, but I still have that 25% that thinks I might not be correct. I don't really see the point in knowing, there is nothing different I'm going to do based on gender.

How does your Mom know when you don't?