Insufferable good intentions

[Anonymous]

I'm 2 weeks postpartum and am very fortunate that my mom lives nearby. She comes over everyday and helps out with cooking and caring for the baby. I would have a much harder time managing without her and am very grateful for what she's done for us.

But she's also turned into an absolute tyrant. Constantly scolding me and telling me what I should or shouldn't do. Early on she declared that I must not touch anything cold, including washing my hands with cold tap water. This morning she barged into the bathroom while I was washing my hands and saw that I had turned both hot and cold water on. She immediately gave me an earful. I guess I'm supposed to use hot water only. Every time I resist or do things differently she'd loudly lament that I'd end up with a host of ailments later on to plague my life.

The most ridiculous incident was when she told me to eat a bowel of dates. I had just finished nursing the baby and had been dying to go to the bathroom. As I got up this conversation took place:

Mom: Where are you going?
Me: Bathroom.
Mom: *shoving the bowel in front of me* Finish this before you go.
Me: What?!

Anyway, none of this is surprising, as she's always been very controlling. But this is taking it to a new level. She also meddles in how DH parents our toddler, basically treating all of us like children.

I just need to vent a little bit. I love her dearly, but I'm also about to jump out of my skin.

[Anonymous]

Ask her to come less often.

[Anonymous]

A bowel full of dates. Yum!

[Anonymous]

is that avoid cold water thing chinese?

[Anonymous]

This is anxiety, OP. I know that doesn't make it any less obnoxious, but when my mom gets like this it helps me get through it to look at it through the lens of her extreme anxiety. The birth of my daughter was a very anxious time for her.

[Anonymous]

Ok the whole bowel/bowl thing had me giggling.

[Anonymous]

Either set boundaries, or suck it up. Your choice. Live your choices.

You can either limit her visits, or have a discussion with her that she needs to ease up. If you don't do one of these things, nothing will change, and that's on YOU.

[Anonymous]

BOWL

[Anonymous]

I assume because of the cold water thing she's from another country/culture? If it were me, I'd have her stop coming over, but I have a low tolerance for being bossed around like that. You have to decide how much of it you're willing to take in exchange for the help. I doubt she'll change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BOWL

In OPs defense, it's going to be a bowel full of dates in pretty short order.

[Anonymous]

Also, I'd let her lament and complain all she wants while you do your own thing. Don't let her whining control your actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume because of the cold water thing she's from another country/culture? If it were me, I'd have her stop coming over, but I have a low tolerance for being bossed around like that. You have to decide how much of it you're willing to take in exchange for the help. I doubt she'll change.

+1 But I do think it's worth a try to speak up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BOWL

In OPs defense, it's going to be a bowel full of dates in pretty short order.

[Anonymous]

Is your dh okay with this? Too much of her meddling could wreck their relationship.

[Anonymous]

2 weeks postpartum is hard enough. Well, as they say in the south, bless your little heart, sure hope it gets better soon. In the meantime do your best to let it roll off ya like water over a ducks back.