Stubborn mom

[Anonymous]

So I love my mom but she is stubborn. I'm flying in to visit her. The airport in about 1 hour from her house, and I'm coming in during rush hour. I have rented a car but she is repeating non-stop that she would pick me up and drop me off. I've told her dozens of times that she would need to take time off work for that and that the car rental is not that expensive. But she insists and insists. Also, she wants to take me to a buffet restaurant when I get there. I HATE buffets for many reasons (I hate the focus on eating as much as possible, for one thing), and I have kindly said i would rather go elsewhere, anywhere. But when I tell her "no" about anything I've noticed it becomes a "challenge accepted" situation and then she obsesses with it almost as if to prove a point. It becomes very tiring. Am I being petty?

[Anonymous]

It's not about being petty per se... Just setting boundaries. You probably want a car in case there is something you want to do while your mom is at work and not feel stranded... As for the buffet - just go with it... Offer your mom a compromise.

[Anonymous]

So... why does she insist so much to begin with?

[Anonymous]

She wants to please you by picking you up.
Doing something nice for you. Just accept it

And for the buffet, it won't kill you to eat there once.
It pleases her ... These are no big deal, no life changing situations

[Anonymous]

you are a very ungrateful guest. just let her take care of you.

[Anonymous]

You do know that most buffet restaurants also have a set menu to order from as well (albeit the choices are far smaller).

You're acting pretty stuck up & judgmental... maybe she's just trying to humble you out a bit.

It's not WHAT you say, it's how you say it.

[Anonymous]

You're not being petty, but it will make your life easier if you pick your battles. For example, rent a car, but go to the buffet and be gracious about it.

[Anonymous]

I think you're being ridiculous about the buffet but should stick to your guns about the rental car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She wants to please you by picking you up.
Doing something nice for you. Just accept it

And for the buffet, it won't kill you to eat there once.
It pleases her ... These are no big deal, no life changing situations

This. Please stop with the "boundaries" nonsense. The more it gets repeated in every stupid thread, the less believability and weight it carries.

[Anonymous]

Keep the rental and go to the buffet. It means something to her to bring you there - why don't you stop fighting her and 'listen' to what she's telling you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not being petty, but it will make your life easier if you pick your battles. For example, rent a car, but go to the buffet and be gracious about it.

This.

Remember: Be gracious about it or it doesn't count!

[Anonymous]

I am guessing she is like this about EVERYTHING so the buffett example may come across as petty but because it happens with everything this becomes a bigger issue.
Things like the rental car need to be discussed in advance but the restaurant choice I would wait until the last minute to talk about. Just say OK when she mentions it but the day of tell her about you are craving pizza and try to make it a last minute thing. If she isn't on board for pizza and insists on the buffett just go. Less time for her to fight with you about it the better.