What to say to siblings other children?

[Anonymous]

DS will be evaluated for ASD is this month, but regardless if he has ASD or not he learns and does things differently and we have accepted that. But oh am I so tired of the fighting between my DS with suspected ASD and my other 4 children. As well as his cousins he interacts with a lot. Things like, he's cheating. When playing a game like hide and seek, DS loves to spend time with his brothers and sisters but doesn't understand the concept. He looks when others hide and starts screaming because he thinks they are running away from him (he is 6). Or if he is told he is out he doesn't understand and still tries to play and has a meltdown where I have to hold him so he doesn't hurt himself . Or when playing games he just rolls all over them and it starts a fight. Or with chores I hear all the time, why does he get less chores? You expected more from us, why can't he make his own bed by himself, you're not being fair. I try to explain it, but I think my kids think I am playing favorites or don't care about them as much. Dinner is a fight as well. He has a limited diet and I always make one item of food he likes with whatever we are having. We have always had a rule, you can't have seconds unless you eat all of your food. We did this to make sure they get their needed vegetables. Well DS will just starve...So I let him get seconds on the one thing he will eat. But then the complaining starts. I know in their eyes I am not being fair, but I don't know what to do to make it better. How do I explain this to them to help them understand? Any advice is appreciated!

[Anonymous]

Is he the youngest?

[Anonymous]

Different diagnosis - MERLD- which has some similar language issues. Our speech and language therapist helped us understand how DC does and doesn't understand speech and body language and how to re-phrase or why activities must be modified.I was able to re-teach some of that to DC's NT sibling, and it has been helpful.

One rule we have is framed more about inclusivity than about DC's needs/difficulties - family or playdate games and activities have to be fun and inclusive for everyone. It's not fair to leave someone out by doing something they don't enjoy or can't do well.

[Anonymous]

OP - there are lots of resources geared toward helping siblings of kids with autism and other special needs.

You may also want to read more about it and potentially seek out family therapy. Your other children's feelings are normal and you need to figure out how to help them manage.

Some resources to get you started: https://www.amazon.com/Being-Other-One-Growing-Brother/dp/1590301501/ref=sr_1_fkmr3_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1489411109&sr=8-4-fkmr3&keywords=supporting+siblings+of+special+needs+kids

http://www.autism-society.org/living-with-autism/family-issues/siblings/

https://www.autism-society.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/sibling-perspectives.pdf