My Mom is the nastiest woman

[Anonymous]

We've never gotten along but the older she gets, the nastier and meaner she is to me. Her health isn't great but honestly, I'm not sure how much more I can take. She's constantly bitching, argumentive, unappreciative, nasty!!!!! Today we had the worse fight yet and I called her a fing bitch. I should feel bad and guilty but it's the truth - she is!!! And not only to me but to my Dad who has dementia! She treats him like crap!!
I'm at my wits end

[Anonymous]

Sorry you're relationship with your mom is so different. When you're calling her hurtful names I feel it's time to take some time away and see a therapist.

[Anonymous]

OP, I figure you live near your parents and see them regularly? Or is the relationship long-distance so the fights are over the phone--? If you're local, is it possible to take your dad out (without mom) or offer to go see him while your mom goes out, so that you see him but not her, and can sell her the idea as "me time" for herself alone? If your relationship with your dad was OK previously, it would be sad not to see him any more because she's a problem. And giving her time away from him -- if she's mainly just his caregiver now and is burning out on that -- might even help her be a bit less nasty. No, it won't be a cure for nastiness, but it could at least mean she's better when she's with him, even if she never gets any nicer to you.

But if your dad's dementia is at a point where it would only confuse and upset him for her to be out for while, or if he can't really go anywhere with you -- I'm sorry for him, for you, and for her as well. You say you and she never really got along, but has she become much worse since he started showing signs of dementia? I"ve seen dementia turn families inside out with frustration and anger, and sometimes family members like you end up on the receiving end of a caregiver's acting out. I'm sorry for the whole situation.

Meanwhile, for yourself, I agree with the PP who mentioned that therapy seems to be in order. Therapy can help you get perspective and maybe dial down the anger, because anger won't change her, won't help your dad and most of all will only hurt you for the rest of your life. That doesn't[i] mean trying to fake being sweet to mom if you hate her. It does mean learning some ways to distance yourself and not let yourself get eaten up by anger. If you do that, it's giving her too much control over your mental real estate. I hope you can get some help.

[Anonymous]

Sorry op. What did she do or say?