Bullying

[Anonymous]

I have heard so many stories from parents of elementary aged kids. The bullying parents are usually of no help (and naturally, hinder the process) and the school doesn't want to get involved. What is a productive avenue if your child is clearly being bullied? What if the bullying parent is not responsive and the school is not responsive? I feel it is the wrong message to all involved if the "bullied" is switched to a different school. Doesn't the school have to protect the kids?

[Anonymous]

My DS had a bully in his pre-K. The father was very cold to the other parents, and very stern with his child. My son would come home in tears frequently. I talked with DS about what kind of behaviors he should not put up with from his peers, how to speak up for himself and to know when it's time to get the teacher. I also taught him how to block hits, pushes and shoves.

[Anonymous]

I had a child who was the victim of bullying at school and I felt the school was unresponsive at first. What turned things around was that I told the principal that the next time my child came home telling me that he had been victimized, I was calling the police and pressing charges against the other children. If they couldn't keep my child safe, I would. I have to tell you, things turned around. Supervision and training were instituted for playground monitors, which was where most of the problems occurred. My child was provided with services to help him become more successful on the playground. Two assemblies were held on topics related to bullying. I had monthly meetings with the principal, vice principal and guidance counselor to discuss how things were going and where problems existed. In the end, I think the school stepped up to the plate, but it took a lot to get their attention on this issue.

[Anonymous]

Yikes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a child who was the victim of bullying at school and I felt the school was unresponsive at first. What turned things around was that I told the principal that the next time my child came home telling me that he had been victimized, I was calling the police and pressing charges against the other children. If they couldn't keep my child safe, I would. I have to tell you, things turned around. Supervision and training were instituted for playground monitors, which was where most of the problems occurred. My child was provided with services to help him become more successful on the playground. Two assemblies were held on topics related to bullying. I had monthly meetings with the principal, vice principal and guidance counselor to discuss how things were going and where problems existed. In the end, I think the school stepped up to the plate, but it took a lot to get their attention on this issue.

Good for you. I hope it helped the parents realize the problem too.

[Anonymous]

There is absolutely no reason for a school to be unresponisve to bullying. There are just too many resources out there. I happen to work on this issue and here some resources from the Olewus curriculum website for parents. Olewus is an evidence based curriculum that is proven to help schools reduce the incidents of bullying. (It works if it is implemented correctly - which is part of the problem). I have also included some info. from the National Crime Prevention Council.

Our generation is not prepared for this issue, in particular cyber-bullying. There many, many negative consequences for all involved - victim, bully and parents. IMHO parents really have to rise up on this issue like the pp did and demand appropriate protocols in school and increased prevention efforts - bullying is preventable.

http://www.olweus.org/public/bullied_child.page

http://www.ncpc.org/topics/bullying/bullying-/what-parents-can-do

[Anonymous]

I have found it interesting how *different* schools are in response to bullying, and how they really can create different atmospheres. In my son's first (private) school, he was bullied. In his case (and the cases of other bullied kids), the school's response was nearly always to try to "fix" the bullied child -- make him less vulnerable, and teach him to be less annoying. If the parent of the bullier objected, there was little the admin thought it could do. My child then moved to a public school for 4-5. What a difference! It was clear, at this particular school anyway, that bullying just wasn't going to be tolerated by teachers, admin, etc. I don't quite know what it was that made the difference, as the private school also said the right words in public. I've always felt it was something about confidence in drawing a clear line, and holding bulliers (and parents) to that standard - making it non-negotiable. I've also felt that some schools just provide homes for a more diverse type of kid (racial and ethnic, but also personality type). His ES having ended in 5th, my son is now back in the private system. At his new school, it is very clear that bullying is not tolerated, and there seems to be none. It is not Kumbaya among all kids, but the lines of what are tolerated and not are very clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have found it interesting how *different* schools are in response to bullying, and how they really can create different atmospheres. In my son's first (private) school, he was bullied. In his case (and the cases of other bullied kids), the school's response was nearly always to try to "fix" the bullied child -- make him less vulnerable, and teach him to be less annoying. If the parent of the bullier objected, there was little the admin thought it could do. My child then moved to a public school for 4-5. What a difference! It was clear, at this particular school anyway, that bullying just wasn't going to be tolerated by teachers, admin, etc. I don't quite know what it was that made the difference, as the private school also said the right words in public. I've always felt it was something about confidence in drawing a clear line, and holding bulliers (and parents) to that standard - making it non-negotiable. I've also felt that some schools just provide homes for a more diverse type of kid (racial and ethnic, but also personality type). His ES having ended in 5th, my son is now back in the private system. At his new school, it is very clear that bullying is not tolerated, and there seems to be none. It is not Kumbaya among all kids, but the lines of what are tolerated and not are very clear.

Would you mind sharing what private school your son went to?

[Anonymous]

I agree with a previous poster that it all depends on the character (or lack thereof) of the teachers. I witnessed my son being badly shoved on the playground one day (montessori preschool), and mentioned it to the teacher assistant. The next day, the teacher gathered the culprit, his mother, my son and I, explained why shoving etc is not allowed and had the other boy apologize to my son. After that I noticed the whole staff being quite vigilant about physical and verbal violence. The school dealt with bullying very efficiently when confronted with it.

[Anonymous]

Ok, so I've looked at some of the posted resources but no concrete tips are given. "Teach your child safe strategies for dealing with bullies." What are the safe strategies?

While "working with the schools" should I send my kid to school where s/he is being bullied or what? How much time should I allot the school to work it out? What shoudl I expect? Or just do as a PP did and say that I'll call the police next time?

I've seen this bullying behavior start really young. It does worry me, esp since my DD is a bit on the sensitive side. While I appreciate the links and general guidance where do we go for concrete strategies for dealing with bullying?

[Anonymous]

I haven't experienced this yet, but worry about it since both my husband and I were bullied as kids. I like the PP suggestion of calling the police if the schools don't handle it (although I don't think it would work if my child is just in pre-school!). I would stay involved and hound th teachers/principal/director until they step up and do something about it.
I am also going to keep an eye on my daughter and teach her assertiveness skills while she is young if I see she is not able to handle a situation. It is sad that all schools don't have a zero tolerance for this type of behavior.