Cheap husband?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my husband for 5 years and we're married for one. I'm 39 and he's 46. We make approximately the same income, but he pays child support for 3 kids and I have one who lives with us. When we got married, he told me that if I wanted a baby, the condition is to buy a house, which I did. Since then, we have spent a considerable amount of money on renovations (since it's an old house) and he worked a lot on it, which affected his income (he's self employed).

Another thing is that he's a big man who eats a lot. While I can have vegetarian days, he absolutely needs meat and lots of fruits, not to mention that he could finish a full yogurt jar in one set, so he needs lots of those and icecream and dessert that he pretty much eats alone. Yet, he splits all of our groceries expenses in half stating that me (a petite woman) and my 9 year old son eat just as much (my son have very little appetite, both of us have less on our plates together than he alone). His kids come to stay every other weekend with us and I don't complain about paying for them.

I'm the only one who cooks in the house, so when I'm fed up with it and we go out, it's all split in half too, except that he needs bigger portions than me (more $) or finishes my dish. Same thing with movies or any other purchase. For example, he damaged my hair dryer during renovations (one that I bought before moving in with him), he bought a replacement, but put it in common expenses. Same with other furniture I owned prior to moving in with him, whatever was broken during renovations and replaced is split in half.

I might be wrong but that bothers me. When he go buy fruits for him and I of course include some veggies that he doesn't eat or eats once I cooked them, he complains even though the quantity of fruits he buys is much more expensive than the couple of veggies I get. I know it sounds very petty, maybe it's actually me who's cheap, but to me it feels wrong.

I tried to talk to him, but he always argues that we make similar money (I don't know how much he makes exactly and he neither) and that since me and my son are two people and his kids only come every other weekend, we pretty much spend the same.

I don't even mention that it would have been nice to have my pay invite me since I'm the one who does house chores and renovations is a temporary thing.

I'd like to have other people's opinions. It's kind of stupid to break up over this, but discussions don't really lead anywhere because it's hard to prove who eats/spends more.

[Anonymous]

Is this the joy luck club

[Anonymous]

Are you roommates or spouses? The nickel-and-diming is insane. You need to sit down and work out a better way of managing sepsrate finances as a married couple.

[Anonymous]

Do you file taxes seperately? How do you not know each other's incomes? You're living like roommates, not a married couple. Go take a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University class, join up your money, then come back for advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you roommates or spouses? The nickel-and-diming is insane. You need to sit down and work out a better way of managing sepsrate finances as a married couple.

This.
I got a headache just reading the back and forth tit for tat score keeping that is your life

[Anonymous]

I will never understand why or how you women get involved in these situations.

There is no his and hers money. It's our money once you marry. Period.

Is this part of your equality screams or something ?

[Anonymous]

Op why did you marry that man knowing who he was for 5 years! When someone shows you who they are believe them. Why would you think he will change? Why do women do this to themselves? As a woman myself, I just don't understand why some women make these crazy life decisions. He is being himself. He can do whatever he wants it's up to you if you want to continue to deal with his craziness. So you have 2 options, A) suck it up and stay with him or B) Divorce and find someone else better for you.

[Anonymous]

Both of you are. Not just your husband.

Divorce him. You are not right for each other.

[Anonymous]

Do not have babies with this paying child support for 3 kids guy.

Focus on your 9 yrs old. You will be better off. Both you and your child.

[Anonymous]

You guys seem to be doing lots of score-keeping. You realize it will escalate into the stratosphere with a baby, right? He's someone else's ex for a very good reason

[Anonymous]

Question is - why are you guys doing this? Is money super tight? Is there some fear that you'll divorce so both of you are trying to maximize your own bank accounts by contributing as little to your current family? Bc if this is the fear - get a post nup setting out who gets what. Then set up a joint household account and decide what amount each of you will kick in for household expenses monthly. It should be 50-50 since you have the same income. That's used for food, utilities, household bills, furniture, dining out. None of this - well you ate a tub of yogurt and my son ate 1 bite so you pay. Once the money in that account is gone, no one gets more yogurt. I can see keeping car payments separate and large (like over $500) kid expenses separate since there must be child support; so this way he's not paying for your kids braces and you're not buying his kids clarinet. But if you have a kid together - all those expenses come out of the above mentioned joint account.

[Anonymous]

I'm an advocate of separate finances and when I was married they were separate, and in my new long term relationship they are separate. That's never been a problem in either relationship BUT we don't keep score other than to roughly try to make sure our financial contributions to the overhead are equal. We don't keep score aside from that. It's not healthy to and it breeds resentment.

And I almost never pay for dinner, LOL. My fiancé is a gentleman and always picks up the tab.

[Anonymous]

You wouldn't care he eats a lot if you were in love.

You guys need to break up.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't care if he ate a lot if I didn't see how he keeps score. I invited him to restaurants several times and didn't care about the price. I actually love treating people I love, offering gifts, etc. but he doesn't do it and it hurts me.

[Anonymous]

I'd leave him. Seems like all things you have are separately, so it won't be hard.
I'm so turned off by him and I don't even know him.