Grandparents want sleepovers constantly

[Anonymous]

Let me preface by saying that I KNOW we should be grateful to have parents who take such an interest in their grandkids, and we are! But the days are long and the months short, and our weeks so busy, we love spending time together on weekends as a family! Maybe it sounds cliched, but we had our kids to enjoy them. We work all week, they are in school and extracurriculars, and we really love our family weekends, and we are enjoying them now especially, since our kids won't always love spending time with us all weekend.

My parents want them for overnights constantly. We aim for once a month, but we are guilt tripped weekly! "We aren't getting any younger" and the like. Well, we aren't either! And sadly, neither are they. We DO plan a get togethers, usually a dinner and visiting into the evening, twice a month. But I've got to tell you, we love our lazy weekend mornings as a family with the kids home. Are we being selfish? Are we so wrong to put our wants and needs with our own children above what others want? Are we terrible to limit grandparent sleepovers to just once a month?

Tell me how often your kids see their grandparents. I'm really torn here.

[Anonymous]

You're fine. They're being pushy. I would just stick to my guns and be clear with them that I'm not going to budge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're fine. They're being pushy. I would just stick to my guns and be clear with them that I'm not going to budge.

P.S. My kids see my parents twice a year on average and DH's parents maybe four times a year on average. My family's on the west coast and his are in NYC.

[Anonymous]

My kids see one set of grandparents never. They see the other set once every month or two. They do not sleep over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids see one set of grandparents never. They see the other set once every month or two. They do not sleep over.

It's so funny you say this, because many of my friends with children also don't do sleepovers (though I'm not sure who's decision this was).

[Anonymous]

Both grandparents are long distance and both beg to have the kids for weeks over the summer, or weekend overnight visits. We've only had them do overnight visits if we've needed to go to a wedding. Otherwise, it doesn't make much sense. I am not sending them there for weeks at a time due to distance. I just tell them that I work all week and love my time with them. They pout. If the pouting is bad I'm not above putting in a guilt trip i.e. you got to stay home with your kids and I don't, so I need my time with them. They are always welcome to come here and be 'camp grandma' over the summer, etc., but it seems to be more about them wanting the kids on their terms.

[Anonymous]

Be careful. Grandparents aren't always around. Some day you will wish your kid had had more time with your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be careful. Grandparents aren't always around. Some day you will wish your kid had had more time with your parents.

pp here, and I've lost a parent so am painfully aware. I still hold that grandparents are welcome almost anytime, but we shouldn't be guilt-tripped into giving up time with our children when that is precious, too. OP is talking about almost weekly and as a working parent that is a lot.

[Anonymous]

That is what summers are for. Let them spend the night or two nights at a time during the week in the summer months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be careful. Grandparents aren't always around. Some day you will wish your kid had had more time with your parents.

Here we go again. Parents should have no downtime with their own children, but should plan their lives around grandparents' desires because they could die. Your life should ruled by guilt and fear.

Guess what? The parents could die in a car crash tomorrow and the grandparents could live another 30 years. Nobody can predict the future. Sleepovers once a month sounds more than reasonable, if they want more time with grandkids they can come see them at your house. Decide what you're comfortable with and set clear boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is what summers are for. Let them spend the night or two nights at a time during the week in the summer months.

Good idea!

[Anonymous]

Once a month is A LOT. Once a year might be more reasonable.

[Anonymous]

I am lucky to have my mom nearby and she takes the kids on weekends. But like you, op, we enjoy our kids and so the sleepover weekends are only 3-4 times a year. Between weekend sports games and when we want to spend time with our kids, it just doesn't work out. Thankfully my mom doesn't do the guilt thing. I would lay out a plan so there's no room for negotiations. Once a month during the school year, twice a month In The summer. That's plenty of time if you also see them for dinners.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps, having a standing date night when the grandparents babysit is an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps, having a standing date night when the grandparents babysit is an option.

Or one day a week they pickup after school and bring them home, cook dinner and have it all done when you and DH get home.