How to support a student whose parent passed away (from teacher)

[Anonymous]

I am a middle school teacher and just learned the parent of one of my students passed away. I am a relatively new teacher and have not encountered this before. We received information about the wake and I will likely be going with other teachers.

I am wondering if you have advice - either from teachers who have dealt with this or parents - things teachers did to help during the time to support student and family. This student has a health condition herself that has caused her to miss a fair amount of school. She is average to low in terms of academics but sweet and kind. I just don't know much about what to do or say beyond the basics. Thank you for any help.

[Anonymous]

Be decent and give her a packet of work with as much information/help as you can. Be flexible when she turns it in and cut her some grading slack. Encourage her to email with any questions or meet with you 1-1 for help to catch him. Let her know if she ever needs to talk and someone to listen, you are happy to be there. Just tell her you are sorry her parent passed away and just be there and let her know you care.

[Anonymous]

It is great that you are asking.

When my son was ill, some teachers made unilateral decisions about what was "reasonable" regarding deadlines and missed deadlines. It caused a whole lot of extra stress. I think the biggest thing is to be kind, and let any work go that you can let go. It really doesn't matter if she can check every box in your gradebook. I know she's not a strong student and you don't want to do her a disservice, but focus on making sure she learns what she needs by June, and then just give her the B.

[Anonymous]

I just want to share a story about a middle school student whose mother was very ill and the student was having a hard time concentrating in class. I had no knowledge of the mother's illness (I had taken over the class in the middle of he year). One day the student asked me to take her out in the hall to talk. Then she told me about her mother and asked if I would hug her because her own mother had not been able to do that in a long time. Her mom was dying of a degenerative disease.

I don't really quite know how I went back into the class and taught the rest of the way through, but I did.

Just be kind to all of your students and try to know what they are experiencing outside of your classroom.

I can tell you are a great teacher because you are asking and caring about this student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to share a story about a middle school student whose mother was very ill and the student was having a hard time concentrating in class. I had no knowledge of the mother's illness (I had taken over the class in the middle of he year). One day the student asked me to take her out in the hall to talk. Then she told me about her mother and asked if I would hug her because her own mother had not been able to do that in a long time. Her mom was dying of a degenerative disease.

I don't really quite know how I went back into the class and taught the rest of the way through, but I did.

Just be kind to all of your students and try to know what they are experiencing outside of your classroom.

I can tell you are a great teacher because you are asking and caring about this student.

My god. Thank you for doing this for your student!

[Anonymous]

Maybe offer to have lunch with her once a week. Whether she wants to use that time to talk to you or catch up on schoolwork or just take a break from being "on" around other kids,

[Anonymous]

When this happened to one of my elementary students the whole staff signed a sympathy card and it was during holiday time so we contributed and bought gifts for the younger kids and gift cards for the older kids and dad. We also contributed meals for a few weeks. This family had been in the school for a long time and they were comfortable receiving these contributions. Some families may not want the school involved in this way. When the student came back to school she was given a pass to visit the counselor any time she felt she needed to but in general we just tried to keep things as consistent as possible for her.

[Anonymous]

I was that kid, my mother died and I had to go back to school. the worst part was the teacher welcoming me back and the kids all making me cards. It sort of put a bigger label on me. "oh that is the kid"

any counseling should be handled outside the class room, reach out to the surviving parent before the student comes back. The younger kids tend to be pretty tough about this, put on the harpy face etc.

What made it better for me was getting back into the routine as quickly as possible and moving forward.

the key is communication with the surviving parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to share a story about a middle school student whose mother was very ill and the student was having a hard time concentrating in class. I had no knowledge of the mother's illness (I had taken over the class in the middle of he year). One day the student asked me to take her out in the hall to talk. Then she told me about her mother and asked if I would hug her because her own mother had not been able to do that in a long time. Her mom was dying of a degenerative disease.

I don't really quite know how I went back into the class and taught the rest of the way through, but I did.

Just be kind to all of your students and try to know what they are experiencing outside of your classroom.

I can tell you are a great teacher because you are asking and caring about this student.

My god. Thank you for doing this for your student!

This made me cry. So sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is great that you are asking.

When my son was ill, some teachers made unilateral decisions about what was "reasonable" regarding deadlines and missed deadlines. It caused a whole lot of extra stress. I think the biggest thing is to be kind, and let any work go that you can let go. It really doesn't matter if she can check every box in your gradebook. I know she's not a strong student and you don't want to do her a disservice, but focus on making sure she learns what she needs by June, and then just give her the B.

A "C" is average.

[Anonymous]

I have had 4 students in 20 years go through this. I teach high school sophmores. I always just tell them "_____ is my free period I will write you a pass to come see me if you ever need anything." One of the kids came and asked me if he could sit and be alone during lunch in my room and not talk to him. He would come maybe every week or so whenever it was a tough day I think. He wold literally sit with his back towards me and blast loud grunge music in his ear buds. Every once in a while I would catch him wiping tears. One day he was really crying and I tried to hug him and he said "Please don't, if you hug me I won't ever come here again." And I just backed away. From that point on I really tried to make my space a safe space and barely nodded at him when he came in. I hope I helped in some very very small way.

[Anonymous]

Please just take whatever work the kid can get done and don't stress about it. The child will remember your kindness forever. This child cannot focus on work now. Cut her as many breaks as you can. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have had 4 students in 20 years go through this. I teach high school sophmores. I always just tell them "_____ is my free period I will write you a pass to come see me if you ever need anything." One of the kids came and asked me if he could sit and be alone during lunch in my room and not talk to him. He would come maybe every week or so whenever it was a tough day I think. He wold literally sit with his back towards me and blast loud grunge music in his ear buds. Every once in a while I would catch him wiping tears. One day he was really crying and I tried to hug him and he said "Please don't, if you hug me I won't ever come here again." And I just backed away. From that point on I really tried to make my space a safe space and barely nodded at him when he came in. I hope I helped in some very very small way.

+1 This as well as all the other great advice from other posters. OP just try to provide the safe space. Some times the kids have so many people on top of them asking them how they feel when all they need is a quiet place to sit and be alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was that kid, my mother died and I had to go back to school. the worst part was the teacher welcoming me back and the kids all making me cards. It sort of put a bigger label on me. "oh that is the kid"

any counseling should be handled outside the class room, reach out to the surviving parent before the student comes back. The younger kids tend to be pretty tough about this, put on the harpy face etc.

What made it better for me was getting back into the routine as quickly as possible and moving forward.

the key is communication with the surviving parent.

Exactly this. My mother died when I was in first grade and the last thing I wanted was for anyone at school to discuss this in front of my peers. School became the place where I could get away and escape And try to feel normal around my friends for a bit

[Anonymous]

Our school waited a few months after and then delivered a bouquet of gift cards that the family could use for dinner and outings. Something special after things had quieted down and none of the other students knew about.